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A couple of jokes

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posted on Feb, 2 2016 @ 01:06 PM
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Groaners for a boring Tuesday :

Why is Donald Trump going to ban shredded cheese?
He wants to make America grate again!

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a movie about the world's greatest composers?
I'll be Bach!

Why aren't there any penguins in Britain?
They're afraid of Wales.

Did you hear about the kid who ate 4 cans of vegetable soup?
He had a huge vowel movement.




A 90 year old man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?"

"Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don't drink, I don't smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. Every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."

Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.

She replies: "Well, that explains the pee in the refrigerator."




Old people's texting abbreviations:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?
One is a whiny toddler, the other is a tiny waddler.




posted on Feb, 2 2016 @ 02:37 PM
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Two peanuts where walking through the park...one was a salted.

Ba da boom!



posted on Feb, 2 2016 @ 11:39 PM
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My wife come in screaming that a panty thief had stolen her knickers off the clothes line outside, she said she could handle the fact they were gone but was angry the 14 clothes pegs got stolen as well !



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