Is love even real?

This thought has been bothering me for some time, and my experience continues to validate my feelings. When wife left me it was a horrible moment, my life changed all together; and pathetically I begged her back knowing she had cheated (skipping a lot) she later tried to come back to me ,but I demanded rehab because of an amphetamine addiction she had become entrenched in ,and upon doing so she refused and then sent me pictures via text of the guy she was cheating with even still, and the "family" she now has.During that time, and afterwards I have become a hermit in many ways, and I work during the day,and I have slowly dissolved myself into the Internet as well, it's a coping mechanism albeit likely a bad one.

What I have experienced in real life,and what I've seen on the Internet is what appears to be overwhelming evidence that "true love" or the arechtypical experience of manogomy ,and the white picket fence ,and happily ever after are fanciful notions akin to Santa clause, that on the surface people are polite, but on a deeper level love is just a pleasantly portrayed and not an all pervasive force of good. I am specifically talking about romantic love, but I suppose this question could be broader, for instance loving actions- opening the door for someone ,is it a selfish act done because we want society to see us as conforming to accepted behavior, or do we really care that the door is opened for that person we don't even know?

Perhaps I have become misanthropic and jaded, I want to believe love has a place in this reality, and I know that love is hard work if it is real at all, I believe that I truly do love my children and expect nothing in return, and the way that my love is expressed is through time. I just am not sure romantic love is even real. So what do you think, is romantic love real, or is it a "magical" pleasantly developed by a social animal to help reproduce?

When thinking about all this, I can't help but think of a clockwork orange.

a reply to: TechniXcality

No, it's real. It is.

I don't know what more to say than that, but I have felt it, feel it, and know it is truth and exists. I am not talking about any religious experience, either, but if you are confusing it with something sexual, then it's no wonder you don't think it's real.

"In love" is "in lust". It's endorphins. Hormones. Chemicals in the brain that effect most of your functions. Caring for someone is real, but what is known as "love" is a chemical reaction.

a reply to: ketsuko

I don't think it's something sexual and or that sex is the main objective, though watching society you could make that case as well-but romantic love leads to sex, of course. I am asking if it's just a pleasantly a cordial thing oh I love you yada yada, how do you measure that? Do you measure it by the end result, for me it's divorce. So once again perhaps I am jaded, I thought I loved her did I?

To use your words, its a coping mechanism in itself that we've constructed as a society to deal with our struggles and survival. Imo. And my thoughts on this are plastic in that they're always open to change.

But it can create very nice feelings and has been known to compel us to do great and wonderful things.

maybe you were so hurt by her your brain considers love a danger/threat and is blocking it. like a self defense mechanism or a mental gag-reflex

a reply to: MaryaNoxx

Yes and honestly this my experience, though how much I don't want it to be true, it seems to be the reality.

I think it's just a chemical reaction. But hey, I'm perhaps way too young to know about the world ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Love is very real and we all grow and mature and sometimes, sadly, grow apart.

My family member has been through a very depressed state for a few years now, because of women and their behavior. I've seen it up close and personally and almost beat the hell out of one of them, seriously, I don't like people abusing my family, ever.

I must add, try to get the negative thoughts out of your head. As long as you languish inside of negativity, you will create the same scenario again and again. Imagine a better person for yourself, send that thought out and it will manifest itself when you are ready.

Men also go through some very bad times, more women need to realize this.

True love is very real, been there...still is.

Love is a state of insanity, it's only healthy in few cases, the insanity can make a person in love do weird things, some are good, but in many cases some are very bad.

Love is a tricky one, that is hard to control

When there is bad weather I tend to follow your threads.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

What the heck Dude!!!!!

You know what you need to do.

Be the man that you are. Do the right thing.

originally posted by: birhan
maybe you were so hurt by her your brain considers love a danger/threat and is blocking it. like a self defense mechanism or a mental gag-reflex

This....

Love, as we know it through social norms is indeed real, but quite elusive.

Think of it this way Tech...we all have a Soul Mate out there; probably quite a few, but since we tend to remain in our comfort zones, we miss out on opportunities, so we end up settling.

Love your kids, that's real enough for now...then, when you're good to go, hit the road and see what happens.

a reply to: TechniXcality
Sounds like she doesn't really deserve you anyway.

a reply to: BestinShow

thanks brother and well said, i just don't want to be "#ed for life" in my world view and become cynical and bitter forever.

a reply to: TechniXcality

Tough luck, brother. It's definitely a hit to the ego, and perhaps to trust in general, but a lot can be learned from it. It's not a fatal blow. You're still intact. Sounds like it's time to open a new chapter.

Love isn't real when you're not in love. It comes and goes as love does. But when it is there it exists. Personally, I find if love finally sours, it was worth the sweetness.

I, like you, have been through a very difficult breakup (not divorce - thank God). I saw myself with this person forever and my feelings and perceptions of this person held me together emotionally and mentally. Come to find out later that all of the kindness and pleasant entanglement that I perceived, was nothing more than a facade. I was being played - a game of sorts.

Let me continue with another experience of mine. I have a friend who after almost 9 years, finally proposed to his girlfriend. He's the type of guy that bends over backwards for his friends/family. She delayed saying yes to him and a couple weeks later, rejected him. 3 months later, she's got another boy friend. This girl, 9 years strong, was his entire world. He was absolutely devastated. Many days he struggled find reason to keep living...

Another experience. My moms co-worker, he has a son. He recently moved out to start his own life. He decided to finally ask this girl to live with him, who he's been dating for 4 years. She disappears, having not heard one word from her, he decides to call her home. Apparently she had a mental disorder and essentially lost interest in him, even after having gone with him to pick out their new place to live. Again, devastation. My moms co-worker told her that when he picked his son up, he curled into the back seat, into the fetal position. He's never seen his son like that before.

These cases are long-term relationships where someone was entirely dedicated (in love) to the other person. After hearing that, can we still say love is real? I learned a very important lesson from all of this. Human Love is an illusion. We develop perceptions that are real to us, but not based in reality. When our partners do what we expect them to do, we "fall" more in love with them, not because of some magical force, but because we've allowed ourselves to hold onto those desires we cultivate from the other person. Human Love is entirely selfish and therefore superfluous.

Now, counter to this, I've also experienced lasting love. My grandparents were in love until the day they died. No bad blood or castrating each-other like you see on TV, the stereotypical "old married couple". When two people are lucky enough to share the same illusion, it can be beautiful. That's what I believe sets lasting Human Love apart from non-lasting. You need to find someone that shares the same illusion as you, whom favors the same desires in you that you do in them. That's the only way it works. I believe that is the "mystery" behind Human Love. Most marriages these days only seem to work because both parties are doing it "for the children" or other such concerns which have nothing to do with the actual relationship.

If you think of love as an illusion, it really brings to light why so many people can do such preposterous things in the name of "Love". We have never been "in love", only "deluded together". When you think about human interaction at its core, you realize it's entirely based on faith to begin with. I have a better chance that God exists than to expect a stranger to be honest with me. This is why it's so easy to "fall in love" or "fall into delusion". It's not the other person, it's us, who mistakenly put our trust in that persons honesty, personality, feelings, etc... All of that which is intangible we assume is finite, which becomes part of why we "love" them, not having taken into consideration the potential for deception.

This opens up another caveat. If we can never be certain the other person is telling the truth....I refer you back to my friend who was in his relationship for almost 9 years....why do we bother? Getting into a romantic relationship with someone really is the same as rolling the dice and hoping for a specific number. I believe all of us want companionship for different reasons and it's such a desperate desire that we cast our doubts and sanity to the wind when it comes to romanticism.

That's my 10 cents

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

Thanks brother I was hoping you would comment I always respect what you have to say, so I am believing the consensus to be that is that love is real. To be honest, that's where my money is.

And to the poster above I understand fully and thank you for your contribution, I feel the same way.

Maybe I'm deluded and I say that with utmost honesty.

I believe today ( my mind can change tomorrow) love is THE strongest emotion. It's a type of emotion or chemical reaction as others have mentioned that resonates uncontrollable feelings. Keeping said feelings in check and maintaining your sanity is key. lol

The other type of "Love" to me is "Forgiveness". That's when you know you truly love someone. When you love them for all their good and bad. Your best friend........

Meh, folks put so much on the other in relationships... but all we're ever really doing is looking in a mirror.

People put so much into monogamy, too... but is it fair to expect one person to be everything for another all the time, forever?

Love in the romantic sense is truly chemically induced insanity... not to say some wise, decent souls don't find each other and grow together equally, but it's rare ...and even rarer that a long term, successful pairing endures so that it remains healthy for all involved.

Romantic love (and especially sex) is stupid and animalistic... but it passes the time and can be the most fun a human can achieve, but don't be an overly romantic sod measuring one's life by unrealistic expectations and whether one can bind another... or going the other way and tipping a series of fleshy dominoes...

but that's from another overly romantic sod who got stung a lot and has their own defense mechanisms... but that doesn't mean it's not completely true.

Love is out there. It's one hell of a lot harder to find than books and TV shows make it out to be, but it's there.

That magnetic, irrefutable love/connection you feel towards your children can also extend (in a modified way of course) to an individual you're romantically involved with.

It basically comes down to "when you know, you know". And I myself, much like you probably thought " I know I knew " but it turns out to be wrong.

I guess I just have enough faith in the universe that there's a CHANCE we will find the perfect person to share our meager existence with; which isn't that much to ask for really.....

In any event, I wish you the best and hope you find someone to prove my theory. Much love and good vibes my brother!