posted on Jan, 28 2016 @ 03:46 AM
Well I certainly didn't mean to tell the op how my life is going swimmingly and they have something wrong with them!
I did as I usually do- I considered the topic in a general way, asking myself "why some might be unhappy with the present and highly nostalgic about
their youth?" - and looked at my own experience for some clues.
But I guess anyone can make out a post to be of positive or negative intent, depending upon what they want to perceive
(where there's a will, there's a way)
I noticed that the people close to me who tend to be unhappy with the present are often very nostalgic about their youth.
I told my kids once, when they complained about where we lived (out in the country, in a very old stone farmhouse) that we couldn't make their
childhood situation too great, 'cause then they'd never want to grow up and out of it!
It was a joke, but with some real meaning to me.... I suspect it is adversity and difficulty that gets us moving our butts, being creative, and
discovering the world.
How come, when I look at the people I knew in my childhood, those that seemed to have such happy easy lives are stuck in the same place, usually
married and divorced a few times, complaining about the present, trying to re-create their youthful glory days in whatever ways they can (be it their
appearence, or activities)?
While the nerds, the ones who were bullied, the ones who were obviously basket cases of depression, timidity, or social anxiety, are out doing amazing
things all over the world, usually have a lot more success of every kind, both in relationships as well as career; doing exciting hobbies and
It's a stereotypical story, but I , at least, have seen it to be true.
Made me think- if your youth was too good, it is like a trap- you'll be stuck there.
My husband and I talk about this a lot because he's one that love to cling to the past and is very nostalgic, I am the opposite. I have virtually no
photos of my childhood, few of my adolescence. I did a fair amount of modeling so had lots of photos but just let people have those with time, I
didn't care who kept them.
The reason, I have come to think, is that I CHOOSE to see the negative in retrospect; almost always. I do so in order to learn from "mistakes', to see
what was less than positive, what I'd like to do differently later, using my own actions or those of others as examples to study.
What that ends up with is me seeing the past in a dark negative light and being quite happy to leave it and look forward to the future.
My husband tends to look back at the positive, as part of how he forms himself and his relationships with others (very important key there- he
nurtures and holds on to relationships better!) which results in him being happy in memories fo past, and always searching to get back to those
While I left my country and family to explore the unknown, he is in his homeland, not far from where he grew up, with the same friends from childhood,
and a real problem with hoarding and difficulty making changes in his life.
From this long analyzation I have done.... if there is a such a desire on this site to get personal and tell the OP about their self and give them
advice (which I am not crazy about, but adapting to environment is valuable), I would offer this-
Back to the earlier "where there's a will, there's a way"
Try remembering the negative aspects of that time of youth! Focus on every negative, painful memory you had at that time (ever get injured skating??
Have a girl you were in love with dump you, cheat on you with your best friend? Your father said somethings that destroyed your ego?..)
Spend a few days doing that, then start contrasting with now- (is the person you are with now better than that girlfriend, more trustworthy? Is your
relationship with your parent more peaceful? Do you have more security?)
When you start to create a sense of progress in some areas, that things have been getting better, and not worse, then start looking forward, in that
same way- what might be able to get even better?
The thing is, which keeps some of us from doing this, is that question of relationships. Darkening the past this way can have a negative effect upon
our relational bonds of the past, and even present. We often cling to those as a source of stability and have difficulty letting go. We tie ourselves
down, then with time, our protective walls and chains become prisons instead.
I can't tell a stranger that they should do that. Each person must weigh their happiness their self. But the more time you spend idealizing your past,
the less happy you'll be with your present, and the more bleak the future will seem.
It might all be in perspective.