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Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

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posted on May, 7 2017 @ 06:35 AM
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a reply to: Anaana

Well, as much as I love art? I think I allowed it to become a stumbling block of just getting out there and living life. So who is to really blame for getting stuck in a state of nastiness called politics that likes to remove freedom and so called parents that like to dangle and control?

I screwed myself, by saying this RV was not to my artistic standards; of course those knowing me? Likely placed bets... as in I bet that he can not just get his business in order tell everyone to f-off and hit the road; and guess what they won.

However, art is a labor of love and worth every minute of bloody pain and well the wisdom and patience and time it has been taking to see it through. Those seeking to control have been breaking over and over again while I simply remain me, and well traveling all over in the being nobody going no where? Experiences that could never have been matched... live even if it is over isn't; which means there is always time to ride in my choice of chosen style.

Here's the difference... from the point of view of a hermit crab. I was style, my RV haggard plain and boring, so stopping to make it style has been the equivalent exchange of making me haggard but when the feck ever have I been boring unless someone was dumb enough to sit around and watch or wait, the ground hog will leave the hole one day soon folks while you do not even realize that your lives are the ones on rinse and repeat of the going no where being nobody... and to me that whole wake up and do the exact same thing one does not want nor desire to everyday IS the lesson.

No need to get mad though, every moment has been a get up and we will try to limit everything you do at every turn, and well enjoy your hell like being stuck in a solid ball of iron for such an atrocious honey trap.


edit on 7-5-2017 by BigBrotherDarkness because: sp.




posted on May, 7 2017 @ 11:58 PM
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I've been forced to take the second generation anti psychotic drug risperdal for 8 months or longer, and I'm worried about organ damage or diabetes.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 06:08 AM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

Sweetheart if you feel uncomfortable with it, find alternatives. Giving drugs is the number 1 solution but rarely solves anything. I don't know why you're "forced" to take them, but first of all you should get confirmation that you really need them. What type of diagnosis methods have been used?
Is there a physical condition behind it?
One that goes beyond deficiency of vitamin b12, folate, thiamine, niacin etc?
I for one think a real therapy, including conversational, ergotherapy and so on is much harder work on your part but if there is no hormonal issue behind it and all your neurotransmitters are normal then it's in the long run a cure.
While drugs are just suppressing symptoms.
But like I said I don't know how you were diagnosed or with what.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 07:46 AM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

It's basically a dopamine inhibitor and relatively safe. Some have taken it for decades; unless you drink frequently then your liver should be safe as it has a short metabolism due to solubility.

It is often prescribed with SSRI's because dopamine is a feel good drug, and not feeling good of course from all of the brain functioning then the brain starts depleting serotonin so then they slap a patch to prevent the re-uptake on it.

You were speaking of eating healthy, if you grew up in a similar home environment that I did; then you were likely also malnourished leaving you many vitamin and mineral deficiencies.

Junk food is just that; preservatives are interesting in the way that some bodies do not decay even after a few years they are so filled with it.

A greyhound ticket can often get you out of many bad situations. Since you have spoken of being under control and not allowed freedom to grow... I know how that feels, while everyone is basically a vegetable and want to keep you planted out of their own fears and insecurity. So do what you have to do for YOU and as some other poster wrote in a thread that made me chuckle as the T&C work around; fornicate 'em.

It is your life and anyone trying to be a door that locks you from growth is neither your friend nor loves you. Just stuck in roles and cycles of co-dependence and dominance and control instead of freedom and opportunity.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 02:31 PM
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a reply to: Peeple

Aww you called me sweet heart



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 02:32 PM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

Darn it it cut off my response.
eric says it's a condition to stay here with him.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 02:34 PM
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a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Thank you guys the world for your responses.

It means a lot to me.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 02:38 PM
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a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

I don't think I can deal with another quick runaway. I need stability and it takes time to trust peo0le.



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 03:17 PM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

Who is Eric? Is he a psychiatrist? Why is it a condition?



posted on May, 8 2017 @ 11:32 PM
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a reply to: Peeple

He's supposed to be my boyfriend but it's not the best situation.



posted on May, 9 2017 @ 05:37 AM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

No worries; it seems the road blocks that you are running into is the role of a "house wife/Frau" and if the person was not so controlling and not letting you be you then you would have no issues. But being locked from the growth that you need to grow a family... then the container he wants to keep you in is just too confining.

You are not some plant for him to constantly feed off of and pick and choose like some farmer, that is like he keeps you as a child in his own garden and wants you to cook and eat yourself so like a parasite he can constantly have you on his table.

So what would happen if you consented and you both had children... Would he then feed off of you and them? The goal to grow into adulthood is too escape those cycles of the past; not end up with someone trying to play parent/god/ruler over you so that they can build the kingdom they want... you have wants and needs to be happy, feel healthy and grow, limiting that does absolutely nothing to your happiness and satisfaction equality equal choice and well that should not ever have to be in disagreement; where love is more than a bedroom that is just desire not love that is someone still wrestling with their own dragon in the basement and thinking it normal or tradition.

Perhaps thats the nonsense he grew up in and saw it as normal. A lot of fellows like to trap women into those roles... there is no growth and evolving out of those cycles when consent to give up ones own personal power and strength to move forward and advance... I am glad that he has helped you but at the same time that needs to continue or he is the container you keep out growing when he needs to grow as well.

So any arguments you two get into; is likely over wanting growth needing growth and those wanting it or reusing it or are blind to it. If he thinks there is nothing wrong in the situation? Then you need to give him some what if scenarios and explain the reason you do the things that you do is because he is making the future too cut off for a healthy and happy environment as a wife with possible children involved so that you can feel happy healthy and advance and make a better life and environment than dysfunction and coping...

You are not some house pet for him to train as his property; you are a mate a gift to brighten and help his world... and it is only fair that he be willing to do the same.

I understand the trust issues; I have no one I can trust everyone feeds off of me in some manner, thats why I simply just give freely like a tree drops fruit/nuts/becomes home to squirrels and gives birds a place in the shade and to nest or roost.

Of course those trying to be snakes and horny goats all up in my business male or female? I am not hollow or empty, just unfulfilled due to all of those that cannot get or understand all of the above I am saying to you. So hey happy to talk whenever, most would say aww leave the guy to only work you into the same situation or go behind you and take that place or tear him a new one and dominate him so that he learns.

In such a manner all of that works or pans out so it's a matter of over coming and living happily and healthy. I am buried under a ton of work and as a Libra or sign of partnership and judgment I work the best I can alone and let time sort other peoples messes by minding my own business.

In a since like Fraggle Rock? I am both Mr. and Mrs. Trash heap having seen the ways of all that $h!t on both sides and understand the reasonings and motivations for it. I can and have switched roles in an instant and that's what progressing through all of this nonsense means... I have been hit with labels when taking a more gentle or female role but those are just labels from fools, I have also taken the male role where I can fix/build pretty much anything.

Dictating to people so they write it down and live by it is nonsense, their rules they can keep them and the interesting thing is? Usually those trying to make them and then expect them from others? Can't, wont or do not even live up to them themselves... but yet feeling above others in that position? The assume that someone will submit to their dominance or lording over them and thus that cycle goes round and round of pointing and passing responsibility around instead of actually putting themselves to work at their full potential in helping each other achieve.

If they out grow each other as in heading towards different paths? Then love lets go so growth continues instead of stifles. I have ex's as friends some want to come back at times and it is basically always a no go to the come back... as they want to fall right back into where things left off; sorry I have grown thanks for the help but I didn't stop and then let someone start pruning me; did you stop and if so what happened?

When I have had someone in my life at the beginning; so what kind of things did you like to do and for some reason stopped? Oh then the list rolls out, and like Santa Claus I say well all of that stuff is fine with me... and I'll be happy to help in some manner, like my last ex liked puzzles and karaoke... she said one ex was jealous and didn't want her going out so she quit that, one said puzzles were too boring so she quit that I didn't mind either so I did puzzles with her and well I never heard her sing a single note... perhaps that relationship was too traumatizing to get back into that as some sort of reminder and kept flashing her back to a time she over grew.

In the same way I used to skate and I mean a lot friends are like hey come skate and I am nope motorcycles are my thing, just because I threw myself hard at skating for three decades and the body cant really do what I want too with it, the cruising around on them eh I prefer walking or a bicycle. I may look 26ish; but I'm nearly 45... the state trying to limit my and others riding and driving to zero through corruption in trying to tie health care/insurance/voter ID's etc. all together is extremely biased. So aside from art being that anchor being a voice for change in this state for thousands effected by the same nonsense as also been an anchor... they expect people to jump through hoops like some circus animal and not only are those statutes federally illegal? No one except those HMO's, Insurance companies, and party lines in control of the state for the last 50 years at least were asking for it.

Tired of getting sold out like a slave... and who wouldn't be? When someone says this is a free country? Um are they giving it away or selling it to corporations for a premium... that sort of thing just pisses me off and I very very much dislike politics and anyone using power to set up road blocks to freedom, advancement and equality in equal opportunity for all no matter what they identify as or are labeled as being.



posted on May, 9 2017 @ 01:11 PM
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a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Do I understand that federal law has put limitations on the usage of your RV? Or were you rambling about fed regulation in general.
I have hobbies too. I was big into anime and video games before the sacrificial relationship.
I want to do gardenong, but I've been criticised for it because it's a " Mexican thing.
I love the outdoors in general. I thought about starting a natural hygiene product and getting into interior design. The partner wants to pigeonhole me into retail. I don't wanna do tetail. Also he's 64 years old and he wants to outlive me. He has a hero complex because all of his exes died of health problems.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 09:21 AM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

Not the feds as far as I know; the state has as they have had a program of discrimination going through the DMV for over 30 years now. The medical privacy act was violated among others and is currently under very heavy reforms; those that put all of that in place tried to limit the in coming governors power by 2/3rds in order to tie his hands as it is nearly 100% republican and has been for over 40 years. It used to be nothing but white power this white power that back in the 60's all of that was still a major issue up til the late 70's I was an only white child on an all black school bus filled with k-12 wasn't liked at all they had to assign seats I'd get spit on and called names. But no big deal small child and hey bad living situation so I was used to rough treatment.

But the DMV and other state agencies that are federally funded; have stacked the deck for a long time... I could jump the hoops and drive with my basically perfect driving record but decided to speak out instead. They are trying to keep it in the anti-gay white supremacy bible belt thumping nonsense non acceptance as much as they possibly can. Of course I refuse to bow or kneel to such atrocious human rights and constitutional violations by any state...

The ship is basically full of nonsense they are running and well the feds are on their case hardcore about it; and rightfully so I already filed federal papers with a few agencies which helped bring them in to see what was up with their discrimination practices. So of course things have been changing and also meeting heavy resistance.

Basically what occurred; is the movie industry brought millions and millions of dollars in and well as the cities started getting revitalized; they want to cut them out before what they want to discriminate against arrives in their control instead of what the people want or even vote for... trying to chase the movie industry out for a second time after all they have done for this entire region.

The citizens here have had enough of it... the worst part is that their pander to get and hold that office is a fake pander country club behind closed doors nonsense of robbing and stealing public funds and limiting opportunity in the favor of the white supremacist families that ceased state power after the civil war. This state has been rigged since then...

So the state DOT/DMV has rigged all of that together to sell out the people in this state medical/dmv/insurance etc. so not cool at all.

All of the hobbies and interests you say you have are really cool, things I do, like to do and want to do myself and know how to or have done. Retail and service to the public in general sucks really bad unless you like that sort of thing... I hope he does not have a hidden insurance policy on you and would want to make it look like a suicide like oh she was crazy and then who would ask questions? Sounds really freaking fishy to me.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 03:41 PM
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a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

I don't know that you actually have to leave to break free. And, personally, I have an attachment to the place I live, don't know about you, but why should you leave if you're happy where you are? Perhaps that's what your friends and acquaintances realised and you didn't, the roots that attach you to "place". Is "there no place like home"?

It was Mental Health week last week or something and the BBC produced a selection of programming accordingly. I watched one called "Why did I go mad?" which followed three individuals who suffer from various forms of psychosis. It was very interesting but it called to mind an earlier study by John B Calhoun in which he found that "immigrant" rats were subject to much higher expressions of stress and abnormal behaviour unless they were able to successfully integrate, ie there was a niche that they could fill. A leading neurologist, without referencing Calhoun and his rats of course, outlined that it is exactly the same for humans. Those children that are shifted from pillar to post, and most particularly migrants, attempting to integrate into new countries are at a much higher risk of developing psychosis. Trauma obviously, at any point in life, but most particularly developmental, also increases the likelihood. So, to cut that long story short, perhaps even if the source of your trauma remains close, staying put, in territory your familiar with and at least some faces you can pass a friendly word with from time to time is better for your general health than venture off on your own. Maybe.

My Mum lives about 25 minutes walk from me, I didn't speak to her and refused to see her for two years while she sorted her attitude out. It worked well enough once the tantrums had subsided. Sometimes silence is the only way to communicate.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:11 PM
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originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Do I understand that federal law has put limitations on the usage of your RV? Or were you rambling about fed regulation in general.
I have hobbies too. I was big into anime and video games before the sacrificial relationship.
I want to do gardenong, but I've been criticised for it because it's a " Mexican thing.
I love the outdoors in general. I thought about starting a natural hygiene product and getting into interior design. The partner wants to pigeonhole me into retail. I don't wanna do tetail. Also he's 64 years old and he wants to outlive me. He has a hero complex because all of his exes died of health problems.


If you're interested in interior design retail might be your best way in unless you have qualifications or previous work experience, a job in a soft furnishings or fabric store for example will help you get an idea of colour and pattern trends, as well as discounts on products to help you develop designs. Learning to sew, if you don't already, could help there too. If you haven't got any work experience then you are going to have to build that up in some way and work from that. There are worse things than retail, believe me. I didn't like retail, haven't done that since I was at school as a consequence, I got into working in hotels instead during school holidays and weekends, and I have had a pretty unbroken work record since then. Any gaps, I did bits and pieces of voluntary work while I found paid work and to expand my skills, feather my CV, that kind of thing. If you've been out of work that might be a good option for you, as it will enable you to try different things in a way that paid work may not.

Are there the kinds of jobs that you are interested in being advertised near you? If so, I think just getting the ball rolling may be all you need to do, then see what turns up, who calls you in for an interview. In my experience, it can take a few before you land a job, and each time you learn something to take to the next interview. Always ask for feedback, it really helps. Once you have time away from home, to yourself and to think, whatever the job, it may help put things into a better perspective for you. I am assuming that you have been prescribed these drugs by a doctor that has examined you and that you know not to take it if that is not the case. It is impossible to judge other people's relationships from the outside and I seldom try, but I think I would be right in thinking that you want a bit more freedom. If retail is a valid compromise, it can also become a bridge to other things. Either way, you're a big girl, and if you want to be treated like one you have to act like one...get a job, get a plan and work towards achieving the things you want to achieve, no one else can do that for you. If it is in anyway dangerous for you to assert yourself in that way, then you will need to plan around that too or just carry on as you are, which seems, as you say, to "not be ideal". Please feel free to PM if you need an ear about anything like that, I'll help if I can.

All the best.



posted on May, 11 2017 @ 04:48 AM
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a reply to: Anaana

I got caught in a catch 22 an infantile/stubborn "parent" that turned twisted hateful and shrewd, and one that was always jealous and controlling as well as a sociopathic pedophile that hid behind religion with delusions of grandeur.

Being self actualized and on my way to my future; when an ex-gf and I split I came back here to help them; they never have changed and were right back into their old ways... so I quit helping them and started on my RV and was making some new friends and re-connecting with old ones then the DMV discrimination hit. So then I decided instead of rolling over to their or the DMV's will to let time handle them being elderly while the rest fight out their stupid living will and fight the discrimination politically...

It has been around two plus years; and well a customization of art takes time; so I looked on the bright-side and let them handle their own dark side. It would be cool if the state would just get a handle on their business as well as be hip to the business that these; fine upstanding citizens(sarcastically speaking) have been up too.

You know the over bearing mother type acting like shes protecting someone when it is just herself and her own personal interests and well that damned thing is what it is...

You mentioned feeling free from when your husband passed... well 44 years of it in my life has been 44 years too much. Give or take a few when I have lived away or out of state yet they have always interfered in attempting to go through friends of family, I have tried to cut the cord ample times and yet they feel like they OWN children like slaves instead of guiding them... duh because they are not role models for anyone to follow just a cluster feck of nonsense.

But hey it all has been lessons some I would never want to wish on anyone thats why I dispense what I have learned freely so others would not have to one should not have to go through such things themselves personally as well as open a window that indeed such a thing does go on, a house front is called a facade and when the facade is on the inside as well? That's the biggest shame of any family, and well word gets around in families and friends and then where is there to hide?

So health and healing through the public sector that many avoid and deny they need is in my honest opinion the start to that and it takes a very very strong person to step into a role in order to try and help.

That which does not kill us but constantly tries to? Life as long as one draws breath? Keep going.


edit on 11-5-2017 by BigBrotherDarkness because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 11 2017 @ 11:36 AM
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I had some nightmares last night.

The first one, I was in between states of consciousness. My bedroom was quiet and pitch black and I was frightful about aliens coming to get me. I had a sense of frightful anticipation. My head was throbbing with the sound of giant bells a buzzing or pulsing sensation in my head. I saw myself against the wall with mattresses stacked upwards all around me for protection. I jittered.
The other nightmare I drowned in a wave at the beach and my spirit floated up and I saw my dead body.



posted on May, 11 2017 @ 11:38 AM
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I was at some kind of recreational pool place. It had a strange vibe. An anonymous person there cursed me. But I had access to wine.



posted on May, 11 2017 @ 11:47 AM
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a reply to: Anaana

I'd rather be a cocktail waitress. That's a job too, right?



posted on May, 11 2017 @ 12:59 PM
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a reply to: Mousygretchen

I have had a dream of seeing my own dead body a couple of decades ago, oddly enough laying right where I am basically parked in my RV and with a pair of pants that I currently own...

Face down is what mine was but I knew it was me; they say never touch it if you do see it.

The alien thing; I wouldn't be too concerned about it... moving into a position of observing instead of reacting will give you a lot of strength and wisdom to ANY and everything that can arise than grasping at it and reacting to it as anything substantial or requiring anything from you.

The foot in between worlds; in one world you did die in another you did not; using that moment to realize that that is just the nature of reality every instant is beneficial.

Keep your eyes out for a rabbit appearing irl but don't go looking for one just notice... and that is supposed to be the location or your actual physical death in the mix up between worlds.

Cheers, there is always a new beginning now and now and now...



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