a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness
When I was a child there was a girl who lived around the corner, I say girl, but like your mother she was developmentally challenged. When I first
moved there I was four and she would have been about 16. She couldn't speak properly, moved strangely and had a perpetually vacant expression, but
could twirl a rope well enough, and followed us little ones around, joining in, then moving onto the next lot of littler ones as everyone grew up
around her and their games got too complex for her to follow. She was though, always, a ray of sunshine. I still see her from time to time, around,
though she moved to another part of town around the time I hit my teens. I think that she had a severe variation of Fragile X, among other
difficulties, the high pallet associated with the elongated features, really impairs speech without therapy. There was a boy in my son's class,
similar characteristics, but with surgery and therapy, he has been able to manage in mainstream school, back when I was a child, things were still
backward, a lot of children like that were hidden away and considered a burden, treating their symptoms to improve their quality of life was barely
considered, except by those few pioneers who lighted the way.
When the whole Jimmy Saville thing exploded over here I was reminded of her. She was in the right neck of the woods, but, her Mum was lovely, wanted
her to have as normal life as possible, never felt she was a burden, so she was never consigned to a "home", she had one. I've seen the other side of
the fence, the "special" children whose parents couldn't cope, often understandably, and those who just wanted the "problem" gone so it could be
forgotten about. Or there are others, like the boy I baby sat for, whose difficulties are a meal ticket, so keeping them as disabled as possible, not
supporting therapy, is part of their lifestyle strategy. He was at the decent end of the scale, he was at least benefitting in some way, it doesn't
help him now though that he can't read and write and his parents are now disabled themselves, he needing to fend for himself.
As much as everyone tried to look out for her, it just wasn't always possible. Children get lost in a world of their own, and even with the little
ones she couldn't keep up, so every so often she would get "lost". She always turned up a couple of days later none too worse for the wear. It was
never known whether it was one man targeting her or multiple opportunists. It never seems to do her too
much harm, they all seemed to be
"nice" to her and didn't mistreat her in any other way, but still, not something a loving parent wants to have to keep dealing with. To begin with
the Police would be called, and everyone would go looking for her, but it was a bit like the first time your cat goes missing versus the hundredth,
you kind of have to accept it after a while or lock them up. Her Mum, in the end, had her sterilised for much the same reason. She knew what
happened when she went off with whoever she went off with, but she kept going. No one ever dragged her off, she was outwardly at least untraumatised
and even "happy" when she returned, like she'd had a good time. Her Mother was never far away, but the minute her Mum was out of sight, she'd be off.
What would you do?
People are ill used every second of the day. The abuse and suffering inflicted upon you by your parents is their shame to bear, not yours. You know
that. I'm preaching to the choir, I know. It's pitiful though, them, your family. They're so weak, and you're so strong. That was a choice you
made, and in making that choice you hold a mirror up to their faces that they can't hide from, showing them what they really are, the choices that
they made. I bet that gnaws on them. Forgive yourself, let them continue to make the choices they make while you continue to make yours, but I'm
proud of you BBD, not many people can rise above circumstances like that and go the right kind of insane. Keep up the good work.