a reply to: Peeple
That voice called "thoughts" is not you. Perhaps that sounds an obsurd; but of course attaching to that mental phenomina as a self makes such a thing
extremely hard to see.
Sit in meditation and work to drop all thoughts; what occurs? Rapture, bliss, as all of that sheds and falls away better than any drug I experienced;
I tried pretty much every single one afterwards to see if any even came close to it... other than massive amounts of nitrous oxide inhalation sans any
thought, perception of body, or even other sounds, sights etc nil nothing nada just pure bliss of being... nothing else even comes close.
So then what happens? Chasing the damned dragon of that of course... sitting there trying to get one's fix. Until of course the concept of
impermanence ceases to be a concept but direct knowledge there at all times unforgettible and need not even thought about to see it directly in every
single thing arising and passing in the eye, the ear, the nose, the tongue, touch or basically all contact itself.
So we have all of these labels and words we've given a meaning and latched onto them as a tangible reality; when all used to be in the state of
rapture and bliss I mentioned in a formlessness of consciousness... and then sound making concepts and weight giving form to a subjective reality that
is the illusion itself.
Sure none of this or the above is going to mean one single thing at all without direct experience; like looking at a complex math problem and not
having the skill to solve it but yet know it is math.
Bringing objective observations into the subjective; on a forum such as this, is not an easy thing to do... sure there are hundreds I could speak of,
write about, do art work of... but making it a subject is to create intent making a cycle of karma in doing so.
Of course; that is how the world of subjective reality works... and it is extremely painful to deal with, where a single sentence can mean an all out
assault for days; sharing things certain others do not want you to share... because they lose control of others walking the same path in
One less victim to feed on when one picks up the path and walks it... sure in unawareness one can wade their ass all around in it wallowing like a pig
in some idea that it is them wallowing when it is not them at all; that would be nice if that were the case. But you and everyone else in the
unawareness of such; meh no big deal it's stories it's writing nothing to it or about except maybe writers block... well take away all of the food
that these engeries used to use you and conglomerate in you for; and see what happens. You essentially leave them homeless with no where to go like a
slow controlled exorcisim.
Of course they are going to hate it; or course you are going to be tempted to say ah feck it, but when there are no more thoughts just awareness
seeing without labels, hearing, taste, smell and touch the same withut a good or bad stepping entirely out of the circle or vortex of attachment found
in the gross form for those in the subtle form... they get super irritated not playing host to them in ones body, speech or voice as some self any
With not mental voice as thought? The phenomia of their existence becomes very apparent.
About 2.5 years ago if I read any of this; from someone else? I would have been oh BS you are imagining things, have a mental illness, or simply
delusional. But taking practice very seriously? Such a thing has been presenting itself; in so many varied forms... not all of them like the child;
some very helpful, but which ones of them do you trust? Which ones of them simply want to use you as some sort of husk to enter and then try to
control you and act like it is some existent self? When one has gone beyond such things and know directly that such a thing is and yet is not... the
is? Is simply awareness unbound to any sense consciousness by the mind cluttering it up with useless concepts... the eye becomes clear in seeing
through all dimensions normally covered up or hidden by such chatter, the ear not attached to oh that's a plane, a phone etc. becomes the same way...
clairaudence arises where you can hear someone's thoughts directly, as well as those disembodied.
The contact of energy as touch; if connected can feel like needles and knives, swords and axes hacking away at you and in clear seeing watch it
occuring, hear their anger and hatred in doing so... of course not a good idea to allow so many senses to experience such a thing directly or else
they become as solid a reality as one you may later read this in.
I have some residual attachments to be prefectly honest that I have been on the fence of letting go of; perhaps using the boddhisattva vow is an
excuse to allow such to continue so that those few attachments may come to pass... also I have some stupid material crap like a one of a kind Piccasso
etching that is a freaking masterpiece to behold, also this living will inheritence hanging over my head... and very love sick for someone in
particular; that set me directly on the path of all of this unfolding.
Yet at the same time; it is almost like being a zombie in some pharohs tomb... like wtf am I even doing here? One foot in the realm of life and one
foot in the realm of death; as all of these parasitic energies feed off of me and use me as a conduit since they can no longer use my form as they
once did? It's almost like vultures heh heh we know his few attachments lets hang out and wait all it will take is a matter of time and then whoosh we
feast yet again. Of course; benevolent ones knowing them too? Will be sure to press the issue on into that of complete detachment.
Thousands of past lives seen, the creation and destruction of the universe time and time again to nearly moot. I have a "celestial wife" whos energy
embraces me in an unconditional love that feels 10 miles thick when I want to simply give up. I feel guilty being attached and incarnate in gross
form; here in $h!t town instead of being with her. The feelings I have for my twin flame that set me on this journey; that I saw we were both in our
last incarnation together; baldheaded a monk and a nun teaching children in a monastery and in so much love tied and bound by fate... makes me feel
torn and adulterous to the golden celestial one that lifted me up out of death with maggots at both ends in pure love.
So seriously; what can I do? Between both worlds... having been slammed into fate beyond death with a past love and stuck in this sort of limbo...
except continue to practice and observe and see where it leads... speaking of dettachment so often and yet torn, between the gross and subtle. I am a
fool the longer this nonsense is allowed to go on; but yet no where else to go except off into the uncertain formlessness leaving this body of filth
It is choosing the death of form, where the mind and speech have already died... the last "hurdle" I know it will be alright; but yet how many times
have I died already in this silly incarnation... only to find myself right back yet again over and over. Perhaps, it is because the love and
compassion in empathy on that otherside is being kind enough to let me see the what if instead of passing on.
No response needed unless someone wants to. Perhaps I will go speak to my abbot... although, I can see him just kindly smiling and repeating
impermanence. to my impatience.