Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

a reply to: Anaana

exactly, I saw the suffering and struggle my niece and nephew went through in the fight and tug of war... of their hearts because they fought bitterly having lost each other in theirs disolving the union.

seeing that and how "off" the children were getting? When I was hit with "I cheated" and handed devorce papers at the same time? It was a one two punch... nothing I expected nothing could have been assumed; we never argued we were friends. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure everything was picture perfect sleeping less than 45 minutes a night since the purchase of a house... yard everything inside and out a modicum of perfection to raise a child. Robert Frost said something about good fences making good neighbors... we didn't have one, hi neighbor how are you on our walks through it. Well when post partem hit my levels of trying to do everything I possibily could... turned into a single parent then; as I had a new born and raising her too.

She regressed never lived against her parents desires and pointing; without being shamed for rebelliousness she was the "good" daughter... so infant and "teenager" with hormones all over from child birth... I cracked only so much coffee lack of sleep and no help only goes so far, it was real to me, not real to her until I had to go get therapy then it became real to her because thats what she was doing having post partem and hanging with the neighbors instead of us... real to me the whole time, kinda why I broke. Well it finally got real to her the neighbor would baby sit while both of us were at work... I think she wanted to play swinger(she's Bi) the neighbor sitter was always I don't think he likes me blah blah blah... um youre a sitter trying to raise a family here? While my "wife" is trying to re-live glory days and sexually experiement swinging around and hey not interested. Never was never will be.

So she decided to do what she wanted to anyway and good bye me. It would have been nice if she was herself and not playing a role but hey, sometimes reality of having to take care of another life forces you to find oneself... I wasn't ever lost, trying to continually hold up those that are and expect me to hold them up? I broke a lot because they couldnt see they werent ever their selfs... just carrying crutches expecting me to walk with them too by breaking my legs. If I break a leg I may borrow your damned crutch but do not put a healthy person in your wheel chair it forces them to cope and gain damage of their own...

So yeah it is what it is. I've dropped all of that a lot later than I should have... I basically carried him in my heart and mind after I was aborted until he was an adult. It's all good it's life and I tried to make it as easy as possible on everyone... if I took the road not taken? It likely would have been a fight from her... so not in regret mode... just saying if I were in the situation again? I know this fork well in the revolution of the same sh!t different day. I'd take the one more commonly traveled... the one I didn't. I'm not going to say it was the high road but others may think it so. I have been judged over and over as the typical "male" ran out on my growing family. If it were ever true yeah that tongue lashing would stick and sting like the worst whip... but it never has and never will, if it were true? I'd deserve every damned bit of that judgment and happily take it and not whine about it... if thats what someone invests in? Expect the return.

Thanks for looking out though

a reply to: Reverbs

I am calling out as loud as I can. I know I am not alone or the only one so those with the... I don't know how to say it, with the "touch"(?) should feel it. ...or the "monkey tail"...
It's almost time. But for what?
You're not going to spend your life "just" working in a restaurant, you know, Neo?
It's me, but it's also simply destiny, fate, life, whatever.
You were never meant to have children, a family, ties...
Sorry cutie pie.

a reply to: Peeple

The second two songs in my signature are about this.

the last one "If I were god" especially. The video is what goes on in my head when I'm thinking about the ALL that is. When I want to see it well enough to do the thing.

and see when I do it.. Then the lyrics in the song kick in... "If I were God for a day I wouldn't change a thing."

Some magical thing kept wanting me to create universes with it, or at least rule the world.. Sounded so much like the stereotype of the Devil so I refused the wishes.. Not that I necessarily believe in that, but when you get lost in a black hole like I was you hedge your bets.

Hello my name is human is more my feeling on "not liking control freaks"
and the god that would be a control freak is not what I mean when I say God that's what other's might call "the universe" or something.. Closest song to defining my character I've found so far.

a reply to: Reverbs

Sorry on tablet, can't see.
This?

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Reverbs

I am calling out as loud as I can. I know I am not alone or the only one so those with the... I don't know how to say it, with the "touch"(?) should feel it. ...or the "monkey tail"...
It's almost time. But for what?
You're not going to spend your life "just" working in a restaurant, you know, Neo?
It's me, but it's also simply destiny, fate, life, whatever.
You were never meant to have children, a family, ties...
Sorry cutie pie.

you scare me sometimes..

but it's in a good way.

I didn't mention earlier. You are doing the same thing that happened last time this happened.

I'm not joking. Your post made way too much sense.


Yes those are the correct lyrics, but with the video it's more specific..
Well it's how I would code the thing we are talking about right now..
It's almost unreal.

I swear I just came up for air my dear.
OH me..

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

I saw that once and went to add to it but got lost in space...

This is what I was going to add if I ever found it again:

a reply to: Reverbs

If it's of any consolation the song just hit me hard. Nothing More

So: likewise

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

I posted CIV the other day!!

Just some days... you just got to rock out, man. Other days, 12-bar blues hits the spot. Some days it is piano, others violin, one day it may be banjo or mandolin. The next, Dragonforce! It is all good stuff. Except the stuff that isn't lol.

a reply to: Peeple

Yes. these songs came to me in my mini woo I had well Mousy's fault on that one. It was the strongest in recent history. It started with her using a word only layaly has said to me, and I googled it and the page I clicked on had REVERBS in it... like what the hell? which then led right into this thing I know, and I keep running from... this deadly path that is my fate... I keep clicking normal life please, and the universe is like we are sorry the page you are looking for has been moved. Site under construction. hehe

Did you notice the symbols and words? Like King Solomon's seal? up and down.

it's actually part of the meaning of my background image.

















































see?

a reply to: Reverbs

Well, I get you you're trying to protect those you love in your life from someone you loved in your life... of course mums the word doesnt yeild the whole story; knowing it is out of protection of loved ones? Understandible.

That defense and guarding has to come with secrecy due to all of the death threats... of course secrecy is a dishonesty and in having to live in such a dishonesty out of protectionism? It rises elsewhere up elsewhere as a game of whack a mole in trying to keep it down or hold it down.

That business leaves oneself tourtured and the ways in which it rises in trying to hold it down has an odd way of coming out and torturing others...

Im glad you have a support system; and I understand the desire of protecting what one loves... so no biggie. Those around me called family only supported themselves one deciet in themselves and too eachother over and over into one huge mass of co-dependence with the "lie" of love when it was only in self protectionism because they couldn't be honest with anyone. Guarding wounds like an animal that's how my family has always been...

Attached to that? Um no that would require some dysfunctional co-dependence or at least to be just like them by taking up those habits... not something I ever wanted to do, I was never wanted even before day one by them. So hey you have had love from your family... and still do.

Not gonna fault you for it that's healthy... and yeah you are taking responsibility in guarding their lives from someone you loved. That's why I love and protect friends more than "family" as a family or like a family because those are the only family I have EVER really had; grand mother(passed now) maybe an aunt or two(out of feeling sorry for me the likely reason) and I am fine with that; as children we don;t choose family... as adults we do and you did.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Now we are cooking.. And I would still protect her life to the end of my days.

And honestly part of losing that secrecy was calling a spade a spade and saying it in public.. The more times I say it the less I code what really happened. As I mentioned before Serdgiam was my initial savior. I told him a lot. Got it off my chest. Mousy, Trubrit, Valient, Ashirah, Jacygirl, Kaelci, Walkinsilence..And in this very thread I really spilled the beans, I just coded it to not sound like a person I was talking about, if I remember correctly.

It was a big step.

Then a bigger one I started doing it in public on ATS.

I have sense told my little brother what happened, and he was like "that makes sense." He was being watched too.. I started getting this idea in my head and him too.. That we are on a mission.. And someone doesn't like us.

but to be honest once I love someone that's it for life. You are in my heart it's unconditional, but my response to your life, will be conditional.. As in if you murder someone I am not going to help you dig a deeper hole.


But it is true I still hold some secrets out of fear.
If it was only my life........
I can't make that choice for people involved through no fault of their own.

a reply to: Peeple

Because it's healthy to make it through the three watches of the night... NOT sleeping through the "bewitching" hour as I have come to think of it where most all of that unconsious programming takes place on the side of the world one lives? Can be a really great thing... I prefer nights; of course I get in tune with all of the "monsters" awake on that side of the world... while the ones here get their regularly dose of programming cycle. Like those get it while the "monsters" in this side of the world are awake.

Knowing all of them is a good thing... eventually you just can't be programmed anymore, no matter what dumb track they want to skip or play; never saw it coming ceases to be an excuse...

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Bwaaahaaaaa!!!

TheHardTimes.com - Gorilla Biscuits Shot After Child Wanders Into Show.

(Seriously, nobody gets satire anymore! Leave it to hardcore punks to make laugh! My god, I think the "end fake news" people would collectively crap their pants if they ever saw this site. With an article like, "Man trampled to death in one man mosh pit" what is not to love!)

originally posted by: BigBrotherDarkness
a reply to: Peeple

Because it's healthy to make it through the three watches of the night... NOT sleeping through the "bewitching" hour as I have come to think of it where most all of that unconsious programming takes place on the side of the world one lives? Can be a really great thing... I prefer nights; of course I get in tune with all of the "monsters" awake on that side of the world... while the ones here get their regularly dose of programming cycle. Like those get it while the "monsters" in this side of the world are awake.

Knowing all of them is a good thing... eventually you just can't be programmed anymore, no matter what dumb track they want to skip or play; never saw it coming ceases to be an excuse...

you guys are really freaking me out..
what you just wrote was told to me.

after I noticed it. I think I wrote earlier that the no sleep thing was like I wasn't being brainwashed every night. Maybe I didn't write it not sure, it was at the edge of what I was willing to say.

that and the sun...

Time was in these people's posts.. IT all had meaning.. I missed 12 o clock so close but no cigar.. The best times for the weird was always around 2 to 3 am..

there was this whole thing, but I lost it again..

jusdging by recent events I will remember soon enough.

but I'll just say there was this thread from reptile alien magician avatar. the lettering was like blood streaks on the page. There were these rules, 6 rules.. So the thread says the rules and then says if anyone responds you already know these rules, it's because we programmed you to know these rules.

And until the last person (her name was sarah) goes through the programming you shouldn't speak out of turn.
Now sarah in this thread is the last in line for programming before coming to earth..

the thread goes she is conscious of the programming, but knows if she steps out of line we will noticed and send her back through. So she follows the rules verbatin so as to appear mind controlled.

But isn't she?

mind controlled?



something to that effect. Why did I.. Oh yea programming.. That's why I keep forgetting! but no worries, I'm in no rush at the moment.

a reply to: Reverbs


It's therapeutic to talk about the things that are bothering you, but at the same time I don't want you to ever feel pressured into saying too much.

a reply to: Peeple

Melatonin will restore the circadian I suggest a small dose and chewible tastes great... if the 3rd eye is already open a hgher dose will feel like your pineal gland is bleeding, headaches and weird taste almost like licking ones own brain stem... if that has a flavor; it's not like chicken. Calcification and decalcification usually screws around with the production of it messing with the natural biorhythms. I've always been a "night owl" not living in a 24 hour city? I make it one by my self schedule... needing smokes or gas traveling through such places that shut it all down at night has left the only "drag" occuring the road itself... as in it;s a drag to walk or drive so far to get what one needs.

a reply to: Reverbs

Protect who? Your mom and brother... or the "one"?

a reply to: Reverbs

The last lesson of the I-ching. Reverberation.

I prefer distortion myself... though a nice clean sound from a neck pickup can really pop the blues. My Erhu finally arrived a couple of weeks ago; love that thing... it didn't want to tune, but pouring myself into it? It tuned into a gaohu which is a GD instead of a AD then it resonated itself back perfectly into tune to the AD I suppose that means it has accepted my spirit flowing through it and vice versa...

Weird thing about instruments... it's like the songs want to flow through when first learning... like too much of a master of it already trying to pour it out a bit too fast, so slowing it way way down and then Drip Drip Drip building the wave:

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

They are a good band; the Cruci#s, Sockeye, and Anal# are too... they tap that GG Allen teen angst but havent got the political whallop yet just the one of control typically familial/religious so bands like C.R.A.S.S. become a dirty lil secret while getting their angsty lil legs back under them as they crawl into adulthood.


edit to add: went and looked I love how he has the I'm too small to stand in a pit... so I'll just sit here on stage in the same posture. The rocker sort were always the fun pit, the emo kids would stand like that and push people back in... then of course the skins would show up and start throwing elbows making it nasty, Antiseen was one that would tour through here where the pit would be a menagere and it would be like yeah whiplash and blood is great; and oh I didn't need that rib either... so it kinda sucked when bands with a different message would be on the same list; but community would come together and brawl lol.

a reply to: Reverbs

belonging to any group is mind control... from family at first contact until hey wait a minute we are all just life.