I've mostly avoided social interaction online for many years now, but I decided to sign up here because of this thread.
I've dealt with "general weirdness" for my entire life as far as I can remember, and perhaps you all will find some parts interesting. I wrote about
it all before 8 years ago on another set of forums that no longer exist, and since then I've mostly only talked about these kinds of things with my
family, so I think other perspectives on it all will be interesting as well.
A synopsis of my life's high strangeness, of sorts:
My first decade of life was filled with violence, and terror. Not much point in devoting a lot of time describing the physical "real world" side of
that, I'm just tossing it out there, and I wonder why KPB considers it common for folks who have similar weird experiences. If nothing else I was
mostly immune to fear by the time my weirdness started being a common occurrence.
When I was 10 years old, while hiking through the woods near my home I felt like something was watching me. I turned around, and a solid black human
shape was leaning around a tree, looking at me. After a few seconds it leaned back behind the tree, and I walked back past the tree to see if
whatever it was was still there.
Of course, it wasn't, but that was the first time I saw something that strange outside of dreams/hypnagogia.
At the time I wrote it off as a random hallucination and didn't think about it much for another 6 years. When I was 16, one night while trying to go
to sleep I got the same feeling of something watching me, so I rolled over and saw what looked like the Grim Reaper standing at the foot of my bed,
and I started seeing images of a car wreck in my mind.
I stayed awake for some time, that night, and told my mother about my "vision" the next day in case it wasn't a hallucination. If it wasn't, I
thought at the time that I was going to be the one involved in a car wreck. That idea didn't bother me at all.
Two weeks later, my best friend's girlfriend died in a car wreck. I felt guilty over that for several years, but initially I became obsessed with
"figuring it all out" as it were, hoping that if it ever happened again I would understand things better and prevent it.
I reasoned that, if some crude form of precognition was possible, other things must be possible as well.
I read everything I could find on paranormal phenomena, various religions and forms of mysticism, and other things. Within a few months I learned to
meditate and opened the kind of doors that could easily lead to insanity instead of enlightenment. At one point my mother was seeing things in her
peripheral vision, and witnessed objects move, among other things. I witnessed similar things, but unlike her it didn't frighten me, so I considered
the phenomena confirmation of a sort and kept searching, mostly within myself.
Eventually, while meditating I met a female entity that agreed to teach me. She said she was a goddess, along with a lot of other standard stuff
stuff I didn't believe. Although there were times my weirdness made me consider lots of possibilities as far as what it means to be human, I wasn't
special or some kind of chosen one. I told her that I wouldn't worship her, but that in time I might love her.
She did, however, transfer a bit of herself my way so I could continue stumbling along my chosen path. Or at least that's the best way I can describe
it; she touched my forehead and I knew how to sense and channel energy within myself. I was aware of the various labels ascribed to what flows within
us, chi, prana, etc, before she did that, but I didn't and still don't consider it something religious, mystical, or otherwise unnatural. It does
weird people out a bit though when I channel it and the hair on my arms stands up, sometimes.
Once when I was bored and meditating while listening to my mother I decided to see how far I could take that particular phenomenon, and my female
entity convinced me that she'd help if I opened myself to her completely and merged with her consciousness. I agreed, and sensed the thread of energy
woven into the earth connect with me, and from there the network flowed outward to the sun, and through it along a pathway to the center of the
galaxy. At that point, I encountered a source of energy and consciousness that seemed to break a dam inside myself, and things got really weird.
I felt an apparently infinite tide of energy flow into my body, and touched a mind that looked back through me. It felt ancient, incomprehensibly
alien, and cruel beyond words. None of that bothered me, but in the 8 seconds or so that I maintained contact I felt like my body was on fire and
being converted into energy, and would die past a certain point if I kept it going. While it was happening, my mother raised her arms like something
was blinding her and ran from the room screaming something about demons, which I found hilarious at the time.
I felt like I had to make a choice to stop whatever the process was, or let it continue. I chose to end it, and eventually stopped laughing long
enough to go find my mother and try to get her to calm down. According to her, she saw my eyes grow larger and emit blinding light and she thought I
was possessed. I was just happy I experienced something another person could see, and wished my father had seen it instead. At the time I thought he
deserved fear more than her, because of my childhood.
After awhile she tried to deny the experience, and said it was a hallucination, but never could come up with a good answer for why she ran, and said
she never wanted to talk about it again. It took about 5 years of prodding before she would talk about it at all.
Anyway, those are the high notes of a life chock full of twilight-zone crap. I have no answers, no truths to offer, and probably very little hope of
ever figuring out any of it. Whether anyone believes it or not, I hope it was entertaining reading, if nothing else.
I look forward to any and all replies to my particular insanity, and hope you all have a wonderful night.