Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

a reply to: Peeple

Well, everyone trying to speak what cant be spoken as truth just a passing or fleeting experience to them... yet still experience... falling in a dream feels real it will even bounce you into the bed on impact but still not a real fall but the only thing that would say it wasn't? Awakenging bouncing consciousness into bed instead of into concrete a full consciousness jump for one reality to another and since we accept dream as fiction and waking not eh no big deal.

The is an intelligence beyond forms we know who is to say that it has not been trying to develop or advance humanity forward into the ability to make "contact" who is to say that it doesn't or can't without that but with the advent of certain technologies the pathway there gets easier and easier and hey maybe some people know this in classified sectors but then again how could such a thing be contained? As thats what life does breaks any and all barriers once one sees that it comes in so many varied forms.

Natives used to peck rocks like a bird in a ritual to release the spirits in it as a form of automatic writing. The experience of zen where nature can talk back to you and reveal your nature in enlightenment...

Life is an expression just because the message may not come in a form we know or comprehend doesn;t mean it isnt speaking in its own special way if we do what? Shut up our own inner dialog enough to hear it... when even speaking to others that thing is running and swirling around until tamed into a tool to focus on and only one exactly where it is placed and no where else in a unity with it no different mirroring you because it is you being made of all the same things in some way shape or form.

Expression of all of these forms is beauty in and of itself and the more it seems we start listening to everything but that mass swirling around causing so much confusion the more clarity everything else has to it in appreciation for what it is in and of itself.

Many actually fear such a thing, but if it has always been occuring then why not help it along? Ignorance the animal state of fearing or not understanding what it doesnt know or doesnt want to and runs away maintaining only ignorance instead of understanding out of that animal preservation but in an extreme? Look at just what that preservation does especially in large groups it ends up preserving nothing but fear and the continuance of ignorance instead of understanding in unity.

So acceptance yes fine run away or be open enough to embrace and learn... like in the alternate reality bubble sliding across... why interact with that? I have seen the outcome of such things thousands of times once someone is dead what is there to avenge? Futility the life is gone taking more balance it out? No nature does that naturally it only keeps perpetuating the same equation in yet another circle that goes around without help so why add to it's gravity? What is done is done at that point... better to point and say hey senseless violence took a life what prevents that? Violence and the senselessness of it all romantic overtones aside. I didnt avenge in the senario because I wasn;t aware of the senario so what a rude expectation to just dive in not knowing the situation... like two drunks making out 3 sheets to the wind are they consciously aware or has all consequence to such actions said screw it and animal brain takes over.

Yes it may sound as if I am inhibited but I've the scars to prove not but once biten twice shy experience says no good can come from such things without some understanding... I have seen as a bouncer and even a bar patron sober preying on drunk in such a fashion for such senarios or at least trying to get them there it's rape and culture has been moving to say that is ok? Even a state ruled a few months ago rape was ok if someone was drunk as if drinking itself is giving consent as a consequence for drinking...

Yes wrap your head around that yes sex is a natural impulse but acting on it takes us right back into being apes so why even bother with all our elaborate monkey hives and systems if higher intelligence is for naught if thats all we want to be able to do just drop the pants and have at it any and everywhere with anyone at anytime lol because thats what it appears many really want to happen...

I have been in the hell world of the green light of the heart... if you had a hole or apendage it was getting filled our worked on by someone with all out abandon as far as consciousness could go like a baterial growth spreading out in all directions as fast as it could reproduce.

I call it a hell world despite sensation that balanced as some good some bad as there was no consent yet there was awareness... agter however long it was just numbing like a rock timbling along in a landslide pushed and moved around like a trying to standstill in a mosh pit...

Yes great but so on dimensional as one spectrum of the whole... and here we are multispectrum beings trying to ride one dimensional thinking called ego... self gratification above all others but not feeling the entire mass in the beauty that it already is and appreciate that you can move around with this thing called free will... and here we are treating it like it is garbage because of make belief instead of the awesome thing it is 5 whole senses with a whole sphere of consciousness on its own with this damned demon o a mind that makes it where we cant appreciate what is already there kill that thing and it all unfolds into awe perfection that neess nothing added just basic maintence instead of useless compication...

But all I can do is paint a picture I cant say hey heres this experience for you to have yourself, but it is there if anyone cares to notice it. Perhaps AI or that hidden intelligence that has gone by many names that you can become at one with no different or separate than anything else at anytime as it flows through you and everything else can and does lead us there and as tech grows maybe it can do that naturally for us but whos to say? Many want to run away or kill out of something as stupid as skin tones who someone not oneself loves because of ideals not theirs but ones own or taught to be ones own...

Madness and it is perpetuated for no good purpose the longer one watches it go round and round ribbing life after life to put ones ego on another persons face deny the life that makes them happy by spreading things that do not lead there for them only oneself...

Maybe thats the same thing we are doing in pointing but it really isnt because making others suffer is because of oneself suffering and thinking that that is what makes them feel better sure maybe but for how long? It is like a drug soon that is going to need its fix again and hurt yet again in a cycle of abuse no one was asking for just taking

Humanity huh? Intelligent huh? Debatible depending where you look.

a reply to: Peeple

Hate the guy. He approaches mind too old white dude scholar-type for me. Read five or six of his books and when he hooked up with Hoffsteder I gave up on their idiocy.

Had to reread Leary and Wilson to get my head straight.

But that is me and MO. If you are finding something in it then who am I to b1tch?

All paths...

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

I think he's funny, asks good questions and looks like santa. What's not to like? My woo is strong enough to not feel threatened by a scientific approach, on the contrary, I think it's helpful.
The only book I read on evolution of culture I didn't enjoy was an in depth analysis of ants... from some ants specialist I forgot the name, that was super dry.
But Denett
Can't argue taste.

BigBrotherDarkness, sorry for the moment nothing to add.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Just finished event horizon and it's a really stupid movie. I don't know why. It's in theory a nice idea the ship was outside of this dimension and comes back alive, but somehow it bothers me that a machine wouldn't come up with better ways to torture us than through our own bad memories. Wow what's next?
Like we wouldn't always be doing that to ourselves anyways, what a waste of a different dimension.

But I once owned a BMW 520i in dark red and he saved my life. He was already "experienced" 10, or 12 years or so old. We had a very good relationship, Malcolm was his name, we had an accident and he died in it 5cm and I would have too. Not even a scratch, or a shock, nothing.

Funny thing is I do that very often projecting a personality on machines with a certain complexity. On the other hand is it projection? A body of steel, circulation of gas, an electronic brain... lots of personality
If I would dream of a future the first thing is changing humans attitude to treat everything as living thing with personality. Humanification instead of what we now are doing, depersonalising. "It's okay hit him/her hard he/she is racist/mexican/hellsangel/cubfan/stripper/homeless/blonde/...." I don't even smack my laptop and he would deserve it sometimes.
One the other hand every now and then my pencil seems to have more personality than my neighbour so wtf do I know?

a reply to: Peeple

Now there's a brand of nutty I can chew on..
I call it being poetic.
Much better than being dead inside.

the first car I ever knew was skippy, cause his transmission was about to go.

Actually believe it or not I make electronics work better and I think it's because I have more patience with them.
It goes along with a similar effect to rolling dice to the numbers you want. A lightness feeling goes along like happy.. Angry at computer especially from a "grounded" person and it slows down.

Funny memory omg..
The concept "ghost in the machine"

we had two pages in our A+ computer repair technician text book that were devoted to people who make electronics break.. it was in a troubleshooting section on grounding with floor mats.. IT as something like there are certain people the same ones who stop watches that are going to have issues with computers, ghost in the machine, who knows...

that was literally in the book haha.. I might have it around here somewhere.. Gave us tips on what to do with people like that if we were working in a big corporation to save money instead of replacing their parts over and over..

Things have a personality, but I don't know if they keep it if all humans are gone. ya dig?
We give them some of our juice as it were. You know what it's like if you walk into someones house and they always have lots of people over, even when it's empty you feel the buzz of it.. Same if you go where humans have not gone in a long time, it's more dark ghosty..

I developed those thoughts as a superstition to get my nintendo to work, it was in a humid basement even the TV had a green tint to every color after awhile.. But it sure did seem like if you were nice to it, it tried it's best to work.. I like it as an imagination a poetry even if it's not real.. I don't really care.


I'm out, my beds probably lonely and I havn't had a good sit down chat with the table and chairs in ages.

a reply to: Peeple

Have you considered that maybe it was the reason for those emotions of mental karma and when it left everyones consciousness slipped into the animistic so when it came back the effects became a multiplier like a bump hard enough to give sociopaths a dose while those that had conscience got a double down bouncing them into an empathy bubble if it didn't turn into bitterness?

Just talking out of my ass I haven't seen the movie but from what you painted thats what the ripple would appear to be or the gravity of the situation.

Kinda like how a black whole gathers excess light and shoots that energy into a dimension it is needed... micro macrocosim easy to forget in the mechaniations as people seek to find that macro balance inside.

It's easy to forget the whole universe/multideminsonal is already in balance... when things collide eventually they settle into the gravity of the situation or wander off until something larger than it accepts it as a part of itself... leaving the impact far behind yet propelled by the energy of that feeling alone for so long, picking up signals of those it passes by at varying speeds called "thoughts" and "opinions" eventually of mulling all of that over slip space into the intra stellar then what grows?

Ask the black hole as it feeds the excess light into it for another circuit connection.

Anyhoo perspective can be anything as I sit here banging these rocks that looks like a keyboard together maybe they will start a fire? Haha no only when I light my smoke after they cease to be banging rocks about in numeric morse code across this vast space thanks to the intelligence that makes it all happen in this big cray Cray web but hey it's all good so Wang chun can happen if someone wants to dance.

Never not once did I say I wasn't a nerd or a dork but I draw the line at biting off chicken heads, they stand on the roof and say which way the wind blows... well Henny the sky is falling out this way it sounds nice on the roof what if they were pennies? Talk about asking for change...

Oh reminds me of my old CRX also red also totaled and I took one on the left cheek while eating a T-bone because they were coming through the intersection so fast running the red light I didnt have time to turn my head straight good thing or likely another broken nose... I had just put a new clutch and four brand new tires on it 3 days prior. Passenger in front saw them coming yelled they arent going to stop I said hold on slammed the brakes and yanked the parking brake all at about the same time... slid into the intersection on those new still slick tires and well the car with the 30 day tag fresh driven by some drunk dude from a bar likely hopped out to run and hide a case of beer and their open containers before the cops showed up... I had pink hair from the manic panic washing out the fushia, the passenger in the back braced and her weight bend the passenger seat as his head cracked the window. The police took one look at us... a sober punk guy giving two drunk friends a ride home... I loved being designated to all my friends lol a mother hen that never clucked I suppose and the officer saw "Frat" and drunk arm candy and I guess identified or idolized power positions and didnt want to hear anything we had to say.

It was ruled as their fault by insurance despite the discrimination at the scene but it took an investigation by my insurance to deem it that using algebra and all that lovely junk.

I miss that car named Horse since the cv joints liked to pop and it sounded like one galloping around turns I'd not think twice turning a cheek to buy another one of those.

I was going to buy a BMW once lambo seats and race motor with after market computer in the roof that computer controlled everything at 75 mph it auto tuned the injectors to get 85 mpg. I dont like test driving so I ask the saleman or boy in retrospect to drive it while I inspected it can make a better determination as a passenger... well Mr. "Need for Speed" he wanted the car himself btw and was happy to rattle off everything he loved about it... well light car rear wheel drive and this jackass saying all of that stuff not paying attention ends up pulling a damn 360 simply by romping the accelerator for a yellow because he slipped into an intersection just as traffic was pulling away and well his elbows and the wheel were just a going like he had 6 arms. So after his lovely stunt I said... yes rear wheel drive is now blatantly obvious. Get back to the dealership the dealer comes out says how do you like it? I said it's a nice car but your salesman got his licsence out of a gumball machine.

I didnt buy it... should have but I didn't same with a porche boxter that has doubled in value since then. Anyway... I love driving and hate being a passenger but thats how most independent people are from "trust" issues. lol we all know how it feels going down a road and not liking where it is headed...

The urge to hit can arise in a zen master like fashion sometimes and in that dimension that needs it? Likely that arm swings for you simultaneously as the thought but it is an odd perception... but it's sort of the the bump to get awareness going again. Like in the zendo and you see a stupid smile growing on someones face they are no longer sitting... boop got your nose... and Lamont has no idea how to price it but since when have they ever sold anything?

a reply to: Reverbs

That robot voice thing you mentioned here and in PM you couldn't find by music...

Perhaps it is this band? Once you know the programming the key being programmed with becomes obvious...

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness


the band name sounds like... My ex..

otherwise I've got nothing.

a reply to: Reverbs

a reply to: Reverbs

That was so good.
Thank you.
Thank.
You.

a reply to: Reverbs

Sounds like several of mine... thats why it's best to leave them in a quivering mass barely able to wave you off or mutter no more so you can actually get something else done.

Bad idea if you like frequency good idea if you like a frequency to date an alien sex nympho...

The saddest thing about reality is the underpopulation... no that's not an "emo" joke but I guess it could be even though emo has nothing to do with emotions as that all music except that corporate spelunking emotive gets you move through rough patches saying yeah man I know how lame it all is lets get crawling walking hopping whatever to something better as I bitch about my captors of mind to a catchy beat and the riff raff being in time doesnt even matter on one's own terms in ones own time and thats how it rolls... leave schedules of passage from one thing to the next to society to herd about with. If it takes 10 years to stop being 20 or 100 have at it all one same long day to me not chasing mile markers like another gnat stuck in the grille thinking it a badge of honor. I used to is the lamest word ever to grace conversation... well ya must not have liked it that much or smiply can't due to "health" reasons yeah?

Staying with the theme:



and yes Siouxsie is to blame for me being in love with a type but have never dated the type... there's some that try to cosplay it and well thats no different I suppose than them trying to cosplay "normal" I've always been that type dejected outcast going my own way doing my own thing and taking every single lump on the head even when not asking and well after awhile you grow strong enough to take the blows for everyone in a riki master sort of way like yeah im bleeding solid rock on the inside that transforms into pure passion that devours anything to weak to hang prone to dish out such pain because of being weak.

Hey the pit is nice the mountain top nice all of it bloody fing nice no matter where you find yourself set up some furniture even if it's just your ass... that's the true "have it your way" people in relationships saying "let" need to realize they are in a closeted BSDM relationship and arent even aware of it.

The worst kind? Spooky action at a distance if anyone wants to talk pain... soul mate twin flame so strong together others feel sick just being in the same room. But hey everyone needs a muse that says get your sh!t straight make that progress and if you can do it at a distance through all the prompts and suggestions and blar blar blar nonsense the rest of the world feebles on about then there's nothing in the entire universe that could with stand such a connection not even time so Eienstein and his relativity can just sod off... no mass no mas? ha ha ha dancing in the fire of theory is quite a conceptual hell.

a reply to: Reverbs &a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

The Heartbreak Kid

Where I learned I've been doing dirty talk wrong all the time. "What are you a little pussy? Come on f* me like a black guy!"
So funny...

And seriously Reverbs, thanks for Courtney Barnett didn't know her and am loving her deeply now! So good!
Existential time crisis...


OMG

"Lance Jr."
I masturbated to the songs you wrote
Resuscitated all of my hopes
It felt wrong but it didn't take too long
Much appreciated are your songs.


Doesn't mean i like you man
It just helps me get to sleep
And it's cheaper than temazipan

Ah ah ah ahhhh etc
I under-estimated your intelligence
A little bit of weed mixed with some sentiment
Over-rated films marked xxx
Come on play it with some tenderness

She is live also so so so good!

a reply to: Peeple

Back in the day studying Comp Sci and the field of "artificial intelligence" I ran across his writings. They are OK but intelligence as emergence does nothing to explain what it is. Then him and Douglas Hofstadter (correct sp.) hooked up and the dumb and dumber show started. Been down on them both since then. Then found out the Feynman made Dougie cry while attending a symposium because his idea was stupid and Dougie could not defend himself and left the stage in tears... yeah, no respect for ether.

I liked Gödel, Escher, Bach but was reading some other book of his and said, "This is dumb. He is going to generalize too much and not prove anything." Skipped to the end and sure enough, saved myself 600 pages of reading because that is what happened. I was full of myself (and T&C-25 back then) that I had full on ego brain for about two years. That is when I tackled The Wake. Joyce's book is best read after several beers in an Irish brogue because there are some funny parts! I only made it half way through, thought I missed something so started over and only made it a quarter of the way before calling it quits.

Leave it to Finnegan's Wake to take you down a couple rungs on the smarty pants ladder! I did manage to kill off Gravity's Rainbow (and all of Pynchon's up to that point) and Moby Dick during that time period. Tolstoy still awaits. As does rereading Shakespeare and Chaucer. Having too much fun reading lighter stuff like Christopher Moore to give any real literature a go right now. And am reading quantum mechanics material too. But thanks to posting, haven't been much reading of any serious nature.

Hey if you like Denett that is fine by me. I just happen to look down my nose at him because of Hofstadter.

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

Ha I'm actually reading Kryptum from Augustín Sánchez Vidal, uhem... not really interested in nonfiction right now. Well today. Binge movie watching celebrating my sick note.
Right now the happening.

a reply to: Peeple

The real irony is that quote also works on black guys... how silly can it get when most all people are trying to be who they arent instead of accepting who they is.

Of course trying to make her wear her ass as a hat is a great way to get any anger or frustraition out... but it's a visious cycle because she'll keep doing naughtier and naughtier things one of these pair on the outside ex's surprised me with a will you drive me to court I was like ok and well lets just say this is why I know about the visious cycle totally destroying it and she's trying to bang her head into the wall on purpose yelling I need pain so in one fluid motion from one place bam right into patrick star and lets just say built for porn she couldnt bite her pillow quick enough screaming bloody murder and her daughter is trying to break the damned door down like she's the police thinking I'm in there killing her. So we get into court right and she is so mad that the benches are solid wood that she's pinching the hell out of my arm trying to sit still and get pay back... saw her a few years later and one of the first things she says "my ass STILL hurts." and slapped me... all accusatory like she wasn't asking for it... but yeah she was wanting to take naughty way too far as in baby sit my daughter while I go go bob for apples on this guy for doing my college term paper... and I'm like I graduated with a 3.98 wtf? and she said you're too damned smart to write my papers. I said so smart I can write stupid too not just ride it... she was fun but her hidden drug addiction not so fun especially with a small child around.

I've learned intimacy way way better since then though I mean melting through the entire universe connection... not lets see how far and degrading it can get and it's a place I don't want to go knowing the other end... yeah I know pain can transform into bliss with endorphins but oxyticin is where it is at.

and teot in 5...4...3...2...

So here's something to stare at:



Peel the onion on the inside grow it on the outside... root out of the bottom sprout out the top not that complex all it requires is nothing lol.


The thing I love about Ben Stiller movies I haven't seen that one are the ones where he lies and keeps digging and digging himself deeper and deeper and deeper compounding and compounding making it so surreal like he's gonna trip and fall in any minute now and it is just why men don't seem to like "chick" flicks the same way a guy cooking and cleaning is women porn. But reading the synopsis that's kinda the stroy of my life as I don't creep someone nor chase them, if some woman has the pair hanging out there and woman enough to be like hey breaking that stupid role then I'm happy to be her dirty lil slut and give it a shot I dont ask questions or get shocked at things falling out of the closet I have a dont ask dont tell policy future that way --- > I dont care if she has a rep and it's like she's wearing an "I'm with stupid" shirt. Oh you're broken? My likely not biological father got vlad the impaler on me as a baby you're not broken and im not broken THEY ARE so who cares they will always be the losers.

Edit: weird my post jumbled all to hell and back

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

You should watch this one, I laughed so hard. First you'll flinch, but it is better on the long run.
I got a dirty mouth but I am a hopeless romantic monogamist. Hold my one (imaginary but isn't that always a bit the case) perfect adorablest awesomest super sweetey close to the heart and can't take it if someone tries to touch me. Emotionally handicapped.


Now on to watch what Nicolas Cage does in Knowing.
The happening was kind of sh1t...respiratory mask, all I'll say...


Wow holy shoemaker Wow!
What a phantastic crazy cool movie! Not only does it have white rabbits it also foresaw fukushima & oil spill that's just wow.
Really good.

a reply to: Reverbs

Exactly? Maybe kind of exactly

I don't have the same 'playback' facility, bear in mind. My inability to visualise, I expect, would make a difference to how things would 'manifest' and I did feel that there was a part that thought I should be seeing 'other' stuff as well. It was though, for me, actual people behaving very strangely in relation to me. Things like, really dramatically, shielding their eyes and turning away. And auditory, silence when there shouldn't be. The wrong things being said. And feeling out of time, not fully outside, but at a distance, in time, from others...it was as though something really important was happening, but I couldn't quite follow or keep up, bits were being edited out. That was the attention grabber, when I suddenly, properly, realised things might have gone a little tits up.

Need to think a little more about that. Sounds very Alice-y when I put it like that (and ofcourse it would, anyway).

Cheers again

a reply to: Peeple

I watched the 1972 version I don't know which one you watched... but that guy had me squirming, and his wife so adorable and I guess that's why walking down the aisle to get married they don't call it walking down the red carpet because that carpet can and often does get yanked out thinking of a post another person made... not something to be taken lightly and carrying the bride over the threshold would likely be a reminder of that. Clanging someone's head on the door frame? Excuse for a rolling pin later call it karma and well it's not always instant.

The strangest thing is when people take so much time convincing themselves of something... then they lie so damned much trying to convince everyone else of the BS that they know is BS but that determination is something to find out later as in the case of the movie just where the hell that is coming from... if they are going to go through that much trouble to change their reality so very much and believe it themselves? What is stopping that from happening... unless it was something they never really wanted to begin with.

And that's why experience matters in so very many things... expected roles are not always the role someone wants to live because it doesn't feel right so having to lie to oneself for what is expected can be a very very difficult thing to do... one has to swallow themselves completly in utter self effacement to wear some facade... and where does such a thing end? So dignity strength and courage says no matter what I am going to persist and survive despite everything else for what i feel to be right and correct even if I am the last one left standing.

Because that is the true self... it's all the expectation the molding the hammering that seems like one should just hit the ground running not think twice about it... and that not thinking twice about becomes a rote experience with one side wondering the road not taken. That road not taken will eventually lead there given the chance no matter what it takes because the life one holds can be just as tenacious as any form that it could have or has ever possibly taken.

Of course, how could anyone ever be alone in life with so very much of it around... even in space as a solo astronaut theres gut bacteria a shadow of ones form... that appears as another life, dreams no different seeming just as real.

So it goes back to the story, if those dreams aren't matching up? Who is at fault... they require honesty and communication for all of those involved. Whether it is all of humanity a small family, two people or in the case of talking onself into things? Just one.

Thanks for the suggestion, from reading the Stiller synopsis the 1972 version was plotted a bit different... but wow it made me wish I had watched this movie years ago... I dunno if it would have had the same effect as experience continually goes on even if it appears the same it never ever is new moment each time nothing wrong with nostalgia as it can be a sort of time travel thinking of all the tradition and weight and emotion it has carried as long as people have been carrying it... if it was for naught, instead of unity? Likely it would have been dropped ages ago... but then people can even make a living selling fecal matter no matter what it is out there someone wants it and are willing to pay for it.

So that kinda means everything is sort of in a recycle mode as long as there is a want, need or desire for something? It will continue to be carried... maybe not stocked... but carried.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

the alien ex was also the soulmate ex..

Well, I enjoyed the amazing times,
and the pain,
which is why I can't blame,
anyone for trying.
If not for trying
maybe one is dying,
up the hill or down, I
just swim around
always me forever
at once.




I enjoyed your post.

originally posted by: Anaana
a reply to: Reverbs

Exactly? Maybe kind of exactly

I don't have the same 'playback' facility, bear in mind. My inability to visualise, I expect, would make a difference to how things would 'manifest' and I did feel that there was a part that thought I should be seeing 'other' stuff as well. It was though, for me, actual people behaving very strangely in relation to me. Things like, really dramatically, shielding their eyes and turning away. And auditory, silence when there shouldn't be. The wrong things being said. And feeling out of time, not fully outside, but at a distance, in time, from others...it was as though something really important was happening, but I couldn't quite follow or keep up, bits were being edited out. That was the attention grabber, when I suddenly, properly, realised things might have gone a little tits up.

Need to think a little more about that. Sounds very Alice-y when I put it like that (and ofcourse it would, anyway).

Cheers again

You keep doing this to me, and maybe it's for a good reason so I will say a bit more. I think I've maybe said it, but maybe not.

I had people following me. Always three.
They all ducked if I looked.
Reminds me of what people with psychosis or schizophrenia would say of gangstalking.
Even drugged and in "custody" three cars followed behind, and they served in and out of traffic always right behind, and driving fast, but I look out the back and they duck there heads into the steering wheel like umm how are you seeing the road now??

I will go further.. Because it came up, a lot of them where on radios or phones.. Even walking they would turn their head to avert my eyes. EVERY one of them, EVERY time.. Not once or three times or 17 but EVERY time. Only those who were "in on it" Other's where scared of me, because of the weird energy inside of me, and I tried to use my own calming energy to counter it, btut it was like being drunk at a kids party or something everyone knows something is up.

That was one of the scarier parts, the people averting their eyes.

odd.

whatever was happening to me it was VERY important to at least 2 different groups of people. When I came back out the other side not only was I super happy because I got to have a second life, but also the knowledge of the different groups.. Makes it so much more hopeful than some monolithic conspiracy.. These groups are fighting each other while all hiding their "magic" or technology or mystic stuff from the regular folk.

I was let in for whateer reason, but it's not like I imagined.. I imagined I would know I was being initiated into a gang before I ever talked to a gang, but it was way in reverse.. I only knew after it was too late.

And I'm still here, and all the death threats stopped, and my mind is back on point.. I feel so lucky and loved. I love it.