Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

a reply to: Reverbs

en.wikipedia.org...

my "caregivers" didn't care nor give unless someone expected them to do it... like why don;t those kids have clean clothes or food etc. and they are still the same way.

The experiement in my life was like a rhesus monkey with nothing to cling too but life itself, as there was nothing or no one else to depend on if it were a sinking ship everyone would shove eachother down to save their own necks that's how I was raised... also where people just took what the want from you, emotionally, physically, or secually and deprived of anything you may hold dear.

I don't know what they expected to achieve or accomplish... but they failed not I, if it appears such it is only because I am their opposite and they are the same still. Lol last I was out of the trap I should have pointed the front wheels elsewhere than oh it'll give me a moment to do what I need to do maybe help them(why? I dunno)then jump on the road... but oh no playing and gaming the system being just as stupid as always in their mindless self indulgence its been a bit over 3 years.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

We are a part of the cycle, our behaviour, our intentions and actions, co-exist and support the cycle. We can imagine stepping outside of it, in order to get a better perspective. We can interact with each other and improve our overall perspective and understand the behaviours of the situation that we are in, but we cannot actually physically remove ourselves from it.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

To you of all people it should be interesting to find a way to play it.

If it's a game I get to know who the other players are and what's a bot, or other.
How can you play, if you don't know who you're playing with?
If they don't tell me I have to assume they have reasons. Then it's serious.
We look for answers in the blood. That's pretty existential stuff.

a reply to: Anaana

In your thunderstorm post to reverbs... it made me think of the fractured psyche trying to come back together because the situtation was more ephimerial than actualy occuring but awareness that indeed it was occuring but the mind ejected the consciousness to a safe distance to watch from.

This has happened to me once...

I was in an abusive relationship she had issues to where she wanted and craved an abuser as it was "normal" to her and that was her expression of love. Having seen that nonsense for decades already I knew it was the exact opposite of love it was control and domination and using it so they could then get the role of being controlled and dominated hammering me into the mould she wanted me to be obviously instead of myself as some ideal.

Well, finally there were enough buttons pushed and I jumped up and started yelling at her as she was already yelling at me. But I stayed on the couch I could see me standing in front of her or at least the form of me and her as plain as two other people but I could not hear a single thing being said... then I see a smile stretch across her face like the Grinch that stole Christmas smile getting exactly what she wanted, but so foreign I wasnt even present just the body over yonder.

Well as soon as I saw that smile kapow right back in my body that had jumped up so quick it left me there and I stopped mid sentence mouth open to closed and sat down.

Wow did she get even more infuriated... and it was about that time I said "I cant be what you want me to be because that isnt myself this isnt working I'm moving out"... so far removed from me? I wasn't even there but yet I was.

So yeah bilocation... like when someone blacksout... consciousness? Oh I never left the house last night just got drunk and passed out, then there's photos wait when did this occur? Last night but I didn't go anywhere... I have actually had several friends tell me that exact senario. I am like how do you not know what or where you are doing something? Like sleep walking last the remember was chug chug chug and laying down and waking up same spot. Not time to go strut around town like a mad person not even aware of it... talk about out of body but in body experiences.

a reply to: Peeple

I don't play I dont hide anything I dont have intent that is not shared no secrets no brakes all anyone has to do is ask sure but here's why that may not occur not lead someone on or manipulate formulate plot and plan... of course I am aware of being in peoples games how could I not be? Do I think it discourteous sure but I also know why they play them...

are they shocked that it would have been just as easy to ask or suggest without all that manipulation because the plotting had so many whatifs and mental gymnastics involved? Yeah obviously because how much of the world runs that way counter to all of that plotting and twisting and secret intents? Practically all of them do... with with authenticity and 100% honesty? Zip zlitch zero nothing to fear so why create all of those dramas those mental games and clouds it's stress pain a tourture? I'm as clear as sunshine, no need for manipulation and blah just ask it's that easy if it isnt an immediate yes then thats because theres a lot complicating it that i dont want blinsiding them thats the respectful and courteous thing to do... oh now that you are in my web hahah I am a spider too... no still a fly I dont change my nature it flows like water filling the situation not fitting it eat me or dont I'm just here.

This song is basically how I operate being a happy go lucky whatever way the wind blows sort, but I dont talk myself in or out of things. It arises and passes comes and goes I've no schedule but I've constancy and endurance that people could set their clocks too.

a reply to: Anaana

My experience was like you say.
Maybe you could call it mind control.
Maybe demon influence.
I was being gas lighted by what you would call bad people.

BUT at the same time my experience was real to the core.
It changed reality. (based on people who were not connected to my mind)

my own brand of crazy saved me. I don't know if it's what you mean. I had to go more crazy to keep my enemies close. I had to come out the other side, I couldn't go back.


NO I was not let go.
I demanded my freedom and it was given back to me.
I guess there are rules.

I end many posts:
This is my life.

Free will seems to be a hard fast rule.
then I spent months deprogramming.

I remember "they" were not pleased I remembered all of it.
apparently I'm supposed to be a schizophreniac who killed someone.
As if I would ever.

Nice try.
I pretended to infiltrate.

Now I am even better at helping good people.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Bilocation, or effects similar to black out, wouldn't describe what I experienced. I was very much 'here', the information was 'delivered' to me by whatever means was available. And repeatedly until it was certain that I fully understood.

If you don't mind me saying, I think you hold onto your hurt a little too tightly. The past is gone and you are far more than what has happened to you. You are happening all the time, and you do good with the experience that you've earned. That's who you are, not the mistakes that others have made, and that you made as a consequence of being offered poor examples and choice.

originally posted by: BigBrotherDarkness
a reply to: Reverbs

en.wikipedia.org...

my "caregivers" didn't care nor give unless someone expected them to do it... like why don;t those kids have clean clothes or food etc. and they are still the same way.

The experiement in my life was like a rhesus monkey with nothing to cling too but life itself, as there was nothing or no one else to depend on if it were a sinking ship everyone would shove eachother down to save their own necks that's how I was raised... also where people just took what the want from you, emotionally, physically, or secually and deprived of anything you may hold dear.

I don't know what they expected to achieve or accomplish... but they failed not I, if it appears such it is only because I am their opposite and they are the same still. Lol last I was out of the trap I should have pointed the front wheels elsewhere than oh it'll give me a moment to do what I need to do maybe help them(why? I dunno)then jump on the road... but oh no playing and gaming the system being just as stupid as always in their mindless self indulgence its been a bit over 3 years.

my life was IS more like everyone yelling at me, or my mom using me to yell at my dad or my dad using me to yell at my mom.. I wanted to avoid fights since again when I was four. I hated them for being little kids.. I had thoughts like "stop fighting and raide me!"

I raised me.
around 15 or 16 they finally were not together and for the first time I felt some kind of peace. BUT it also broke me. I'm still dealing with all those fragments. BUT I did do something for myself. I went through my head over months and explored all my hurts, and decided which to keep and which to give up. I gave up all the stuff between my mom and my dad where I was in the middle.. I gave up the useless hurt. I kept some I still am not over... but I forgave all.

I had too. I had no idea the power of that. When I did it. But holy wow, I became free for the first time when I did that.


...THIS is my life.

Period.


It is a good thing that someone so rebellious is rebellious in a positive way. I'm not like this is my life I can wase it if I chose.. I'm like THIS is my life and now I can focus outside of myself because I am incredibly strong now. I get to help.. That would be impossible as my former suicidal self.

a reply to: Reverbs

I had similar effects to gaslighting but because part of what I was being 'told' to do was to appear 'normal' and because some really bizarre things happened in my day to day life, working life particularly, I cannot rule out that it was all part of the same construct, 100% projection, and also getting me through what I had to get through at the same time. From that period, I have no idea what could and could not have been kicked, had I tried to kick it to test it out. When I did get to that point when I needed to get off, part of the making sure I knew what I needed to know to survive/revive, was with a sense of get your strength up 'cos 'this' will be back.

a reply to: Anaana

Welcome back.

I'm glad.. So I'm glad I'm back.

but I miss the magic.

and in my case I miss that POWER.

oh god that dark side energy is yummy yummy..

just being honest.

What happened to me is recorded in people around me memories. their memories..
ever had songs play on a cd that are not on the cd?

I had to control it so my little brother could trust me again.
I hate that he was scared. I never told him they threatened his life..
He saw enough anyway.

after it was over (it's not over) he thanked me for controlling it.
I promised him I could over power it.

I did.
because I'm a stubborn mother whatever.
If I was less strong I would probably be in a hospital now.

a reply to: Reverbs

Dark side pah! Is the autumn cruel for making the leaves die?
Or are we the ones constantly looking for external source to confirm our existence?

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Reverbs

Dark side pah! Is the autumn cruel for making the leaves die?
Or are we the ones constantly looking for external source to confirm our existence?

DO I need to repeat myself?

I am ME

whoever that was they made a grave mistake and now I get to talk about it.

I am scorpio my birthday is almost here. I am all about death AND rebirth.

I need nothing outside of me. I only relate to you guys because I care.


Seriously thouhg taste that power and you will know the difference.

there is a balance but I'm not afraid to venture into the dark side. You might not understand me. It's a true power. It's so intoxicating. one of the reasons people around me got scared was that I had physical strength way beyond what I can do.

I had another person inside of me ! !

a reply to: Anaana

Difficult to know who someone is without knowing where they've been... of course there's the danger and assumption that people would assume you are that pain etc just the same red flags planting with every admission, so those knowing that do what? Keep that as a secret, like a magic trick to be reveled cause they havent dealt with it... only to surface later once in the web haha or should i say tada look what you;re stuck with now having wasted so much time perhaps even years or had children with... that's the monster under the bed and hiding in closets the sociopath of society billions of them.

That is so dishonest and disrespectful...

So to be normal, dishonest and disrespectful as both pretend to be a spider or fly only to reveal both spiders in the end and the match until death either ignites to consumes one or both? Then they stay in it because too much invested not to back out they are going to win, save, or change someone?

Ha sh!t that's why I spend so much alone time between things, so there isn't that sweet song and here's the clown on the end of a spring.

But being aware of that being the "normalcy" I don't care if the person is a clown trying to fool me, that's why people are so shocked to find out the other shoe isn't going to drop there's no boogie man or hidden agendas unresolved terror that takes bliss into a twist.

The unresolved terror to me is all that nonsense people are hiding and well I help them resolve that no matter what it is... I become the rock because that's what I had to be for me, done so it's easy to be the rock for someone else. Practically nothing I haven't seen except that in reciprocation but I never asked for it havent expected it, but obviously it was a secret desire when a woman that appeared as strong as I was marched right up and let me know exactly what she wanted from me and acceptance of her she wasnt expecting? She crumbled like a child made me fall in love with her, but saw the damage I was holding onto that made me look for someone so strong to match myself... losing a child like that, so it let me purge it and see I was a dead baby I was the one aborted that ended the marriage. Same as her with the grass is greener hers left her for... two aborted babies with strength and no love expect that strength we saw in exch other... then seeing the weakness too? Then both walking off in weakness again until strength returned. Less than 30 minutes this interaction after she sat bouncing a web watching me for over a year.

I clung to her as my rock in that absence of pulling myself back together into strength, I think it could have been a game or tests in seeing her sense but that's ok. She's perfect in who she is with or without me... same as anyone else and simply accepting sees too it.

a reply to: Reverbs

The core of the problem. Truth could be this immortality is just a species/tribe collective consciousness thing. No ME.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Reverbs

The core of the problem. Truth could be this immortality is just a species/tribe collective consciousness thing. No ME.

you can worry all you want.

I feel great.

I am winning and it will continue to be so.

ME

a reply to: Reverbs

Okay sure, you're a special butterfly.

a reply to: Peeple

I think it is people are looking for someone to accept them as they are; as long as they dont go looking under beds or in closets because if they poke around too much they will find the real one under or in one of them.

Haha I ain't scurred... hide it or not acceptance is acceptance


*speaking of darksides :p

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Reverbs

Okay sure, you're a special butterfly.

your sarcasm protects your weak insides.


you butterfly you.



spread your wings.


But don't bring weak "sayings" to my table unless you want me to mirror them on you.

a reply to: Reverbs

You just expose a deep written in appreciation of hierarchy.
Am I beneath you?
I'm weak? Aren't you the one running away?
I was joking btw. but thanks for the deep insights.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Reverbs

You just expose a deep written in appreciation of hierarchy.
Am I beneath you?
I'm weak? Aren't you the one running away?
I was joking btw. but thanks for the deep insights.

I am not on ATS for me.

you are running away from hurt and you want to blame someone.

think about it.