Dag nabit!

ily, enlightened servant. Ty.

originally posted by: geezlouise
ily, enlightened servant. Ty.

that didn't make much sense care to explain?

a reply to: malevolent

ily = I love you.
ty = thank you.

enlightened servant is a poster.

Now, to address your apparent paranoia regarding me trolling my own thread?

God forbid that I simply have a BAD DAY.

Honestly. There's no conspiracy except I'm kind of addicted to ATS atm and maybe there's something sneaky about how I got here and all that but, lol. We're not talking about that and I'm not complaining about being here. I'm complaining about my bad day and saying, hey guys. Hey gals. I'm suffering! And I did in fact happen to expound on some of the reasons on why I felt sad today, but there's a lot more going on of course. And... it's enough. It's quite a lot.

Sometimes I don't know what to do about it so. Here it is. The best I can do atm is talking to you.

originally posted by: geezlouise
ily, enlightened servant. Ty.

I wish you well with the health situation, too (just read some of the other posts in the thread). Sometimes the best way to deal with complications is to confront them head on. Learn as much as you can about it & show it that it can't defeat you. I think that's the biggest approach they advise with some forms of cancer. It almost seems like our will to overcome it gives our body's the extra kick it needs to "win" (like the placebo affect). So you can do it!

(note: That doesn't mean you can't sit back & eat ice cream too, though. Even in martial arts, rest is a part of training.)

a reply to: enlightenedservant

Sometimes I swear I remember the exact moment that my body decided to call it quits on me.

So now I've got this crazy idea that my body literally listened to my unspoken dying wish in that moment. "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!" And now I get it. But maybe it's possible to reverse it, or yes, cure it... because if the body can listen to your unspoken secret dying wish and respond accordingly, then maybe it can listen to your super secret but super strong will to live? Scientifically, maybe the will to live produces some kind of immune boosting hormones and helps to work the body back to it's pre-deathwish state. Maybe I'm really pushing it but, I'm gonna try it out and see. But first, I need the super strong will to live... lol.

But, it's a shame when you have to deny entire chunks of reality just to survive the day and regain health.

It's basically like, be happy and healthy or get sick and feel like sh-t. But how can you be happy in a bad situation...? You'll have to deny that it's a bad situation and be happy with a delusional view of your environment(consider stockholme syndrome). Or, you can do whatever it takes to change your situation. Dangit. But maybe this is why people have the natural instinct to turn away from truly horrific things and pretend like they're not happening (sweep it under the rug, turn a blind eye to it, etc), because the horrific things and the stress that comes with it is literally detrimental to our health and basically people are generally lazy and don't like change so changing the situation isn't going to be really natural to us. So biology says just pretend like it ain't happening and smile. God it's so sad. It's a trap!

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: malevolent

ily = I love you.
ty = thank you.

enlightened servant is a poster.

Now, to address your apparent paranoia regarding me trolling my own thread?

God forbid that I simply have a BAD DAY.

Honestly. There's no conspiracy except I'm kind of addicted to ATS atm and maybe there's something sneaky about how I got here and all that but, lol. We're not talking about that and I'm not complaining about being here. I'm complaining about my bad day and saying, hey guys. Hey gals. I'm suffering! And I did in fact happen to expound on some of the reasons on why I felt sad today, but there's a lot more going on of course. And... it's enough. It's quite a lot.

Sometimes I don't know what to do about it so. Here it is. The best I can do atm is talking to you.

lots of people have a "bad day" but it usually isn't made known on a public place. now then i don't think i would call that paranoia since i only asked and yes i think you are seeking attention however i am the kind of person that has tried to purge my own feelings good and bad. you still haven't explained the WHY only begging for a pat on the back and a hug which seems you are only looking for attention. is your life so bad bad you need to seek recognition here for it?

Is there something wrong with seeking attention?

I think attention in itself is a natural thing to want, to long for. I think posting a comment or starting a thread on any forum is in itself asking for attention and it goes without question, without really needing to be addressed. However, you MIGHT be able to judge a persons character depending on what they will do for attention (will they lie, steal, cheat, kiss butt, lick feet, get naked, and etc.). But even then you don't know what drove that person to those depths so... how dare you?

I merely shared my feelings on a public forum.

originally posted by: geezlouise
Is there something wrong with seeking attention?

I think attention in itself is a natural thing to want, to long for. I think posting a comment or starting a thread on any forum is in itself asking for attention and it goes without question, without really needing to be addressed. However, you MIGHT be able to judge a persons character depending on what they will do for attention (will they lie, steal, cheat, kiss butt, lick feet, get naked, and etc.). But even then you don't know what drove that person to those depths so... how dare you?

I merely shared my feelings on a public forum.

you do have some deeply rooted issues I wish i could help you. the kind of person i am and trying to be is that i will never bow or break lots of things hurt but i am me and i will endure it i will never kiss anyones ass or lick their feet. i am kinda worried for you i hope you will be ok

originally posted by: geezlouise

originally posted by: eisegesis
Are you deliberately seeking the attention of ATS members?

Yes.

I loved the genuineness of your answer. Big hugs for you. And when we are down as you are, attention, an ear that is willing to listen without judgement and just to know someone cares is important.

BTW, sometimes ATS is the only place some of us can turn.

Your pain feels very real as well as familiar to certain times in my own life when young and having to "deny entire chunks of reality" took a toll. Although not with the same health condition but indeed with one of my own, my mental state and outlook was much as you describe and my will to live in question.

I don't know you or what chunks of your reality that are being denied but I do know things are tough sometimes. Things are tough for everybody sometimes and we all have our demons. It is okay to have bad days. It is okay to have sad days and cry your heart out. It's normal to want someone to care and empathize. This makes you human regardless of whatever else is going on for you.

As a stranger that's been in a place that sounds similar to yours, my inbox is open if you want to talk about it?

a reply to: geezlouise

Hmm, I don't actually think it's bad to reject negative things though. I don't know if my examples will help, but I'll try. I went through a period in my life where I got sick of the people who were bringing negativity in my life. So I cut them all off. I literally stopped hanging out with them or even talking to them. It made life waaaay easier & got rid of so much stress, too.

And there was a time when I used to stress myself out over bills and unfulfilled dreams. Then I tapped into my religious beliefs & concluded that I'll do what I can & leave the rest to God. I literally haven't looked back from that mindset. I just handle what I can & let the other chips fall where they may. If it works, great. If not, I just shrug my shoulders and move on.

And last but not least, I used to worry about crazy stuff like asteroids hitting the Earth, terrorist gas attacks, and sudden outbreaks of WW3 (hence my interest in sites like ATS). Then I realized that it was pointless to worry about things I couldn't change. If they were going to happen, I didn't have the ability to stop them anyway. So it was no point worrying about it.

I figure it's better to focus on trying your best while letting life handle the rest. Sometimes, I have to focus on positive aspects of a situation, pretend that it's some crazy movie drama, or do some other mental exercise to change my perspective on the issue. It probably sounds crazy saying that, but I am a dreamer after all. Uhh, I mean a "visionary" lol. So maybe you just need to find something to live for, like a pet, a hobby, or a utopian dream. Or figure out a perspective on this situation that works for you. The human imagination is an incredibly underrated gift.

a reply to: enlightenedservant

It's not bad to reject negative things in the manner that you explained, except for when there is a problem with something and people ignore it. And except for when you are viewed as negative for pointing out that problem and so you are also ignored and swept under the rug along with it, or worse. That's definitely what I was meaning, there's a lot of hurt involved with that but I did have a little light bulb go on last night while I went over it all. And basically, the gist of it all is... people can't help themselves. They just can't, because... biology & feelings, lol. Which I already knew. I mean I can barely help myself so how dare I assume that anyone else has much more of a choice or any power in the situation? We're all like helpless babes flailing our limbs around recklessly, just trying to survive the day.

I think you're spot on about being a visionary and using your imagination to change your perspective and that it's an incredibly underrated gift but I also think when you're using your imagination to paint your prison cell so it doesn't look like a cell anymore... until you're convinced and believing you don't live in a cage... then what? Then it's like you're just ignoring a perceived problem, and entirely denying reality, and we're back to the first paragraph. Cause depending on the prison and the problem, it might never be beneficial to you to deny reality using your imagination.

Maybe people reject issues that, like you just said, feel out of our control. It's just too overwhelming and doesn't fit into their already perceived model of reality... so when delivering the situation/issue/problem, maybe if you added some kind of hope or a way to resolve the issue and paint a picture of a better future with your imagination so that they too can see it in their own minds eye(a changed but known possible future that better fits their model of reality), then it would be less overwhelming for them to take in and it might not be immediately rejected.

I think it's hope, delivered with the near hopeless situation, that people need. Instead of just saying FUBAR THERE IS NO HOPE! Wow, I guess that explains a lot about a lot...

Anyway I think you have a great attitude, enlightened servant, and I would totally hang out with you any day of the week.

I love you guys a lot, Freija! LiveandLearn and Malevolent!

a reply to: geezlouise

Maybe you just hit the proverbial nail on the head. Hope. That's probably the most important thing here. If you lose hope, all is lost. But with hope, we can achieve incredible things.

So yeah, maybe the "winning" combination is to reject negative things that we can't change, work towards the things we can change, be hopeful of better possibilities, and use our imaginations to come up with hopeful possibilities that we can strive for? Hmm, or something like that.

Oh & your first paragraph may describe why humans are social beings in the first place. By ourselves, we're vastly limited. But when we start working as teams and "units", we can overcome our individual weaknesses. I actually think that's the whole reason most mammals are programmed to raise our offspring.

Ironically, in my religion, our Devil's original name meant "Despair/Hopelessness". So when people lose all hope, I see it as them following his original path. Maybe that's one reason I like to see others get back up & keep moving forward? Either way, I hope you're at least feeling better about your situation. Even if we can't change a situation, sometimes it helps to vent.