Being Dishonest About Ugliness

The only time you can judge someone as ugly is when they open their mouths and remove all aspect of physical attractiveness.

If I meet a supermodel and she turns out to be a Neo Nazi you can guaruntee I'll be calling them ugly.

If I meet someone I find unattractive and it turns out they give to the needy I'll tell them they're beautiful.

a reply to: Night Star

Well said.

I once witnesses a father and his young daughter (who was not thin) at an ice-cream stand.
(Apparently it is ok to buy yourself an ice cream and taunt your daughter.)

The rather attractive man said to his child " Don't you want to be skinny and pretty like your older sisters?"

She teared up and nodded. He licked his ice-cream and ruffled her hair, walking off together. I watched them walk for the longest time and felt shamed myself for not having stepped up.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but ugly goes clear to the bone.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I usually disagree with you but in this, I would award you 1000 stars, if possible.

(do you opportune to often meet super-models?)

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I am the same way and was actually asking my therapist about it because people look physically different to me after I get to know more about them or spend time in their presence. It took me years to realize it was so literal compared to what most people mean when they say some platitude like "it's what's on the inside that counts" or something.

My therapist said that when people literally see others not as others do, it's almost like a body dysmorphia but applied to your perspective on others and could perhaps someday be classified as an entirely different sexual orientation. Sexual orientation really is the same way, if you consider what it makes a person do. It will make a lesbian or a man who leans heavily into the hetero spectrum find Johnny Depp unattractive yet a gay man or or a straight woman would normally see that he is clearly hot. Bisexual folk obviously aren't stuck in those boxes.

My point is, is that your perspective apparently isn't normal if it is as literal as you make it sound. You just may have one of the rare psychological anomalies that actually make life better. Enjoy it!

As to the OP, I think she needs to understand that perspectives on beauty are not universal, static, nor objective.

You also have to take into account the differences between what we consider aesthetically pleasing and sexually attractive.

I find quite a range of shapes, sizes, colors, ages, etc., to be aesthetically pleasing across genders, but that's a different thing than finding them sexually attractive.

There is some research to suggest that what we look for in a mate or partner has pheromone component and is thus at least partially biological. Something to do with gearing us to look for those who will genetically increase disease resistance in future generations.

a reply to: NewzNose your avatar is a very cute baby

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Thank you. His smile is highly contageous and I couldn't resist.

I find narcissism one of the most unattractive things a person can display.

It's also something I can cop to and I'm not happy about it. It's so hypocritical in my personality that I can almost accept it in myself but find it so distasteful in others.

I've definitely hung out with girls that at first i thought were pretty. Then I get to know them and their personality just makes them uglier and uglier the more I'm around them. I physically start to think they actually look uglier. It's very weird.

It happens the other way too. I'll see a girl i've never talked to before. And just right off the bat think she has an ugly face. But if the girl is cool and smart and we get along she literally starts looking more attractive to me. I'm positive I'm not the only guy who thinks this.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard friends say something along the lines of, "the more i get to know (insert name) the hotter she gets). Or the complete opposite, " I used to think the (insert name) was so hot but now that I know her she's lost any attractiveness)

a reply to: olaru12

It depends of the extremity of said narcissism. I have personally come to believe - though possibly in part as justification for myself, to be brutally honest - that a small amount of narcissism is beneficial. If it spurs a search for self improvement, then I cannot see it as bad. To the contrary, it is, indeed, good.

a reply to: booyakasha

Yes, your apparent appraisal of physical characteristics may be influenced by your opinion of their personality. I have several times asked myself the question, "Do I harbor affection for this girl because she is physically attractive to me? Or is she physically attractive to me because I harbor affection for her?"

Scubagravy - Huh? If you're talking about me, no, I joined to evade ads on mobile as I'm mainly a reader. Perhaps you ought to look at my join date a little more closely.

To rukia, you harp on and on about ugly people basically needing to be told they're ugly and have made it quite clear that you find yourself a stunner of distinguished intellect and here you are yet again going on about others being ugly. Sure, you say "Be proud! Love yourself!" But calling others ugly is just a nasty thing to do, imo. Even if you attempt to sugar coat it with disingenuous "love yourself as you are" messages. I say disingenuous because you've also made it clear in your other recent thread on looks that you would never want to trade your frequently referenced, self-proclaimed physical "beauty" for physical "ugliness" even though being beautiful is "so difficult sometimes" and being viewed as ugly is just swell, perfectly ok and merely "different".

Cool. As I've said before, enjoy your thread. My apologies for coming off as rude but damn ..

a reply to: rukia

I find that a good personality outshines the ugliness and even changes my perspective on the persons physical appearance.

It's all in what your looking for.

a reply to: reldra

I'd tell that to everyone--being different is good. I love being peculiar. It's part of what makes me, me.

Why wouldn't you tell someone to take pride in their uniqueness?

You want people to be the same?!?! I assume you've never read Uglies, Pretties, and Specials by Scott Westerfeld. JS.

And why don't you ask the man who wrote the article--"The Australian author Robert Hoge, who describes himself as “the ugliest person you’ve never met,” thinks we get it all wrong when we tell children looks don’t matter: “They know perfectly well they do.”

A former speechwriter, he has written a book for children, based on his own life story, called “Ugly.” He finds children are relieved when a grown person talks to them candidly about living with flawed features in a world of facial inequality. It’s important they know that it’s just one thing in life, one characteristic among others." (quoted from the external quote in the OP).

I don't really care, though. Define it however you'd like. I think you're missing the point. What's disgusting about me saying (also quoted from my OP): "DON'T TELL KIDS THEY'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL; TELL THEM IT'S O.K. TO LOOK DIFFERENT"

Because, it's our differences that make us beautiful. Don't hate others for having something that you want and can't have--and don't hate others for being different. If we were all the same, it would be boring and sad and pointless.

Children should learn to be proud of who they are--regardless of how smart or pretty or popular or funny or tall or thin they are. Things like that shouldn't be what you base your self-worth on. Base your self worth on who you are inside --because that's what really matters.


Be proud of who you are. You are worth it.


I'm afraid I don't follow.

a reply to: onequestion

Yeah, I agree--I said so in my OP. But that's not the point. Why do we try to ignore ugliness when it exists? What's wrong about it? Nothing, that's what. We shouldn't be afraid to acknowledge the existence of such things. Because they affect our lives greatly--whether we'd like them to, or not.

Being different is a wonderful thing. Agreeing is overrated--just as is looking the same. But people need to stop lying. It's wrong. I agree with the guy who wrote the article. He's a good man

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Please add further comments to the ongoing discussion in the above linked thread.
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