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Being Dishonest About Ugliness

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posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 04:44 AM
I don't know of many limitations that can't be overcome by simply being a decent person.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 04:53 AM

originally posted by: reldra
a reply to: rukia

How can ugliness actually be defined? Who would you tel they are just 'different and that's good'?' This entire post makes me want to throw up.

I saw the other thread and declined to comment

I agree with your comment here

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 04:55 AM
So what is being ugly?

It could be perceived as arrogant to think that a person needs to hear your decision on whether they are ugly or not. And it's a little narcissistic to prioritise such an issue in conversation. To some arrogance and narcissism could be ugly traits, to others they may be attractive. It's not objective.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 05:29 AM
I've learnt never to judge a book by its cover ...

It's contents could be mind blowing ...

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 05:44 AM
What I find so revealing about your threads rukia is some of the comments...

I don't think for a second that it's coincidental that so many of the responses reveal nothing but pure ugliness.

The post about wanting to throw up for example...

This quote comes from an animated film I watched a few days ago called "The Little Prince":

When you open up to the idea that your body is not the only thing you are made of you suddenly realize that your life experience doesn't come just from your 5 senses. You see, you touch, you hear, you smell, you taste . Eyes, fingers, ears, nose, mouth... Yes, you perceive your external world through your senses but you give a sense to it through something else. Something that is not just your body...

And this something else is what gives a deeper meaning to your life. It is the connection Heart-Mind. We have become a culture obsessed with what the body, the appearance, the form could bring us and we have forgot our secret: "what is essential is invisible to the eye".

Here is my secret... : Annalisa Ponti

To be fair, every film with Jeff Bridges is a magical journey, but perhaps none more enchanting than The Little Prince. Jeff Bridges lends his voice to the upcoming animated film, which has taken its sweet time coming to North America. From Kung Fu Panda director Mark Osborne, the story follows a girl as she comes of age, taking on new, more adult responsibilities at the urging of her mother. But before she leaves childhood behind, her eccentric old neighbor (Bridges) introduces her to a magical world, where she learns some very poignant truths:

The Little Prince also features the voices of Mackenzie Foy (Interstellar) as The Little Girl, Rachel McAdams as her mom and Riley Osborne as The Little Prince, along with Benicio Del Toro, Marion Cotillard, Albert Brooks, Paul Giamatti, Ricky Gervais and Bud Cort. The film finally hits U.S. theaters on March 18, 2016.

‘The Little Prince’ Trailer: A Beloved Classic Returns

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 06:08 AM
I have a whole mix of feelings and reactions arise in response to the OP.

What I will focus on is the concept of being honest and authentic about what you see and feel with children.

Coming from a culture in which whatever kind of scribble a child makes on a paper, it is to be oohed and ahhed over as a magnificent work of art... a culture in which the idea arose at some point in the collective consciousness that kids can develop according to what is said to them (tell the child she/he is a genius, they shall become so).

It seemed to me this trend arose in the Boomers, as they started to make their Millenials, and largely in percieving that ignoring completely their XGen kids (to allow them to develop completely un-influenced) turned out kids with low self esteem and lack of inspiration or ambition. They went the other way and showered positive reinforcement with no concern for reality.

I think this led to some different problems, with kids who have equally unrealistic self images, but on the other side, inflated self esteem and (contrary to the Xer's refusal to place value on exterior judgements) largely prefering current cultural norms over individualized values.

I found out that in France, there is not the same belief in being overly positive in feedback to make it come true. They think that kids KNOW when they've done something mediocre or even not well at all.... they know when the adults around them don't really truly feel what they are saying. They think that at least early in life, we all respect and feel less disturbed by those who are authentic and acknowledge reality as it is, instead of "how they want it to be".

I have formed the opinion that this is true. My personal experience with children for a long time made me think that they feel much more secure and cared about with an adult that says the truth.

On the other hand, being realistic means being precise - you feel they are not attractive physically? Then say THAT. You feel that they have some sort of characteristic or appearence that is not commonly considered attractive in your environment and is likely to be a cause of that judgement from strangers? Then say THAT.

You can include the positive aspects of the truth too - like if you yourself feel they have a specific sort of beauty that is beyond collective norms, for example.

But jeezus, "tell the child they are ugly" ? At least own up that it is YOU, as an individual, who thinks that.

Kids are also able to discern the value of feedback according to the beauty of the personality giving it.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 06:14 AM
a reply to: rukia

Is it good to call an ugly person beautiful?
Is it bad to call an ugly person ugly?

Why call them either?
In fact, why call them anything at all?

The only reason conceivable is to satisfy self... which has several definitive terms; immaturity, egotism and/or narcissism.

Life's too doggone short for stuff like this.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 07:36 AM
a reply to: rukia

Being beautiful is just all a matter of perception anyway.

For example, I'd never consider a women as 'beautiful', unless she was reasonably thin and had blonde hair and/or blue eyes... anyone else is just average at best, as far as my standards are concerned.

But others would strongly disagree with my definition of what is 'beautiful'.

Oh, btw, yes I think its extremely rude & cruel to call someone out as being ugly... anyone who does it (unless they are just breaking balls) is a poor excuse for a human being, imo.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 07:38 AM
It is a subjective measure.

One person's beauty is another's ugly person.

After all, I managed to get married.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 07:40 AM
I agree with redoubt.. why to call at all? If you have to give some opinion try to find something beautiful as everyone of us has something beautiful. What is most important is how beautiful is person "inside" rather than outside.
Surely new age selfie narcistic culture creates pressure to youngs and those who are figuring out their identity and self image.. It is a sad culture.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 08:10 AM

originally posted by: rukia
Is it good to call an ugly person beautiful?

Is it bad to call an ugly person ugly?

All 'beauty', all 'ugly', all 'value', exists in the (vain judgmental) imagination/ego of the beholder!

"We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are!"

"Perhaps it is the curvature of space that, like a fun-house mirror distorting our own reflection, we imagine strangers." - Mythopoeicon

tat tvam asi (

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 08:21 AM
a reply to: Subaeruginosa

B-b-b-but, red hair... And black hair with green eyes... The only thing I *don't* really like is brown, probably because that's my own hair color. (Though mine is closer to ebony.)

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 08:42 AM
a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Eh, we all have our preferences.

Aside from one guy I crushed on who was a ginger. All of the guys I ever went for had very dark hair, black, and my husband has black hair ... well, more like salt and pepper these days.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 08:49 AM
I think if you truly believe that beauty in people is only something that can be displayed in attitude, action and behavior, you tend to stop seeing/never saw pretty and ugly in their physical characteristics. You never have to worry about honesty or telling it like it is... because you can without it ever being a moral dilemma.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 08:49 AM
a reply to: ketsuko

Ginger hair is terrible on males, in my opinion. Mine used to be like a brown tinged black, but it has lightened slightly as I aged. My eyes, too, are incredibly dark. (Which is extreme contrast to my pale/fair skin. German/Scottish heritage.)

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 09:08 AM
a reply to: rukia

Hello, again, Rukia.
I wonder if you have children? Just a curiosity, not a judgement.

Is it good to call an ugly person beautiful?

I don't (IMO) know if it's "good" or "bad"...If someone were to show a photo of a potential suitor, and you felt they were ugly...(that's YOUR opinion) wouldn't it be more honest (IMO) to say, "I don't, personally, find them ME"?
I happen to love spiders. I love their designs, the webs they create, their hairy little legs, and they have 48 knees!!!!
I, however, do NOT want to cuddle with one at night watching a movie the same way that I like to cuddle with my puppy...LOL if THAT made sense!

Is it bad to call an ugly person ugly?

If someone is doing it for the sake of being mean spirited, hurtful, or ONLY to make themselves feel better then it is bad (IMO). I mean to say it IS after all one's own opinion, based on THEIR individual desires, ideals, preferences, or perceptions, correct?
I can't imagine, as a human, someone (anyone) coming up to me with the question, "Am I (physically) ugly?" and my answer being "yes".
"Am I ugly Mama? All the kids at school are saying so..." "Well, yes, from where you wrecked your bike last year and chipped your tooth, and your abnormally large ears, and you are pigeon toed, and whatever else, so yes, you are ugly and you will never be beautiful in the way the majority of society views beauty."
Do you remember those stories of the kid in school who had braces, freckles, skinny, and the like and grew up to be (in society's opinion) a swan?

THIS , from your first link, I DO agree with:

He finds children are relieved when a grown person talks to them candidly about living with flawed features in a world of facial inequality. It’s important they know that it’s just one thing in life, one characteristic among others.

"flawed features in a world of facial inequality"
^IF you are talking about the flawed features being what society (as a majority) would see as flawed...
I, personally, have a thing for unusual noses...

Being afraid to talk about ugliness--being afraid to acknowledge its existence is exactly what makes people feel ashamed of not being beautiful. And this is the seed that flowers into the destructive weed that is envy and hatred.

I'd like to re word your quote (for purposes of making a point).
Being afraid to talk about (what society perceives as) ugliness--being afraid to acknowledge that it's (society's perception) existence (and bias, and discrimination, cruelness, and shallowness) is exactly what makes people feel ashamed of not being beautiful (by the majority of society's standards). And this (society cramming down our throats what IS and what is NOT beautiful by the media and those that propagate that thinking/feeling) is the seed that flowers into the destructive weed that is envy and hatred (envy from those who feel they can never meet those standards of beauty and hatred from those who have achieved it and are just ugly, spiritually, inside and being cruel or possibly propagating further by participating in discrimination and cruelness based on their individual perceptions, feelings, desires brought on by someone's physical appearance).

I couldn't agree with you more when you say this:

Children should learn to be proud of who they are--regardless of how smart or pretty or popular or funny or tall or thin they are. Things like that shouldn't be what you base your self-worth on. Base your self worth on who you are inside --because that's what really matters.

Apologies for my tendency to ramble on and on...

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 09:12 AM
Too many kids grow up feeling ugly and unworthy and end up emotionally damaged and sometimes even killing themselves. Always encourage a child. True beauty is within. How many of our young women die of anorexia because they had an image that society projected onto them that thin is beautiful? How many women have had plastic surgery because they couldn't bare looking a certain way and had to look better? There are enough pressures in life for a kid growing up. Who in their right mind would tell a kid they are ugly and down their self esteem like that?

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 09:24 AM
Honestly, true ugliness lives on the inside.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 09:32 AM
a reply to: woodwardjnr

All newborns are beautiful. Inside and out.

Some of the most attractive people are powerful ugolee.

posted on Jan, 17 2016 @ 09:33 AM
Good looking, tall people tend to be favored over ugly, short people.

Fact of life.

We are animals who take our social cues from a visual perspective.

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