Sixteen Things It Took Me Over Fifty Years To Learn

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

took you 50 years huh? well thanks for the heads up, now I have 20 year headstart on you.

That was stickin' awesome.

Thank you ...

*Z*

Originally posted by GradyPhilpott
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

LMFAO!

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

how true...

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

i've noticed that too. try changing the subject to something like "so how are things in hell?"

7. Never lick a steak knife.

holy cow!

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

--> this is so true.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

--> Well, you can. Just like it toward the blade.. don't lick upwards toward the tip...

LOL !

Ah man... what a nice way to start the day Thank u very much, those were really hilarious. I especially liked # 2 and 4 hehe. So true, most of the time.

You gotta wonder if these are actually the things we are being tested for in this life - to learn a lot of simple knowledge?? Maybe the question to "Why are we here?" is all about knowing not to lick a sharp steak knife.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

There is a lot of wisdom in these observations and I think this one perhaps is the most valuable. There are a lot of little things that speak to the overall character of a person, but few are as telling as this one.

By the way, while I am over fifty, I am not the author of these.


[edit on 05/1/11 by GradyPhilpott]

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling

reason why we observe daylight savings time.

umm, im from indiana. its observed because of the autumn harvest. back in the day, theyd roll the clocks back to give the kids time to help on the farm. a bit archaic, but thats why

Well, here is a pretty comprehensive explanation of Daylight Saving Time. I'm not sure it is "clear and compelling." Personally, I hate Daylight Saving Time.

webexhibits.org...

[edit on 05/1/14 by GradyPhilpott]

Alright, here's my contribution along that line of thought:


Twenty-Two Things It Took Me up to Forty-Eight Years To Learn

1. Only get a tattoo where the sun doesn't shine.

2. Choose work you love,and sacrifice all that you can so you can do it, and don't settle for anything less.

3. Don't pick your zits.

4. Avoid physically sedentary work because it can kill you.

5. If you can't avoid sedentary work, then maintain a balance of exercise at least 5 days a week.

6. Stick with a modified vegetarian diet (chicken and fish, no red meat).

7. Strive to overcome every inhibition and fear that is limiting you from becoming what you want to become-face your fear and do it anyway.

8. Settle down somewhere, make and keep friends and establish yourself in a community--otherwise you may find yourself always feeling like an outsider, and you haven't any roots.

9. Avoid alcohol and drugs.

10. If a man is a good guy and asks you to marry him, marry him!

11. Commit to obtaining at least a 4 year or even better, a 6 year degree.

12. Always keep a fire extinguisher and blanket in the trunk of your car, or carry fire insurance on your car.

13. If you find your name cumbersome or don't like it, have it legally changed!

14. Never smoke cigarettes.

15. Force yourself to do things that are good for you, even if you don't feel like it, i.e. exercise, etc.

16. Floss alot every day all your life.

17. Write down your dreams and goals and write daily lists of things to accomplish. Keep track of accomplishments and reward yourself for having attained them.

18. Don't cash out your 401K retirement savings--EVER!

19. Take out a supplemental health insurance policy. It can save you from having medical bills force you into bankruptcy.

20. Take more pictures.

21. Don't go out in public looking like a slob--inevitably you'll run into someone you know who you'd rather not see you looking like that.

22. Don't loan money or anything to anyone unless you can afford to lose it.

Originally posted by aWoman
1. Only get a tattoo where the sun doesn't shine.

"If you had drawn a picture on yourself ten years ago, would you still like it now? Chances are you wouldn't" - Church, RvB

Ah yes this reminds me of a saying I heard.

"There are three kinds of men. The ones who learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence."