Are you a Redneck?

Brand new 2005 edition of "You know you're a redneck when..."
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1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
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2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a
flyswatter.
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3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
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4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
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5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive
cliff into the ole' swimmin' "hole"
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6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
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7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want
it.
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8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
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9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
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10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
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11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
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12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
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13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
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14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
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15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
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16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
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17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
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18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
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19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
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20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
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21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.
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22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip"
on the side.
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24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
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25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
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26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
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27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of
improvements.
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28. You 've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
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29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
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30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

For Banshee

31. Your only premium cable channel is the rasslin' channel.



[edit on 05/1/7 by GradyPhilpott]

Originally posted by GradyPhilpott

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

OMG it's my psycho ex-roommate!

Where's the 'rasslin critera? There must be mention of 'rasslin in any redneck list!*

(*I'm so totally allowed to say that!)

If you salt the roads by sitting in the back of a pick-up truck with a pile of rock salt and a leafblower...

My brother has number 25 going on, but I think it is because a)it makes a good stand for new tv and b)we are too lazy to take it out, it weighs a lot. Besides, he is too liberal to be a redneck.


My history teacher that I loathe takes up precious class time with those.

Im from Idaho and I guess that means Im a purebred redneck. Lol. Yep.

I grew up im Anhuac Texas .. I am so redneck that if the porch were to fall at my fathers home ... we would kill something close to 12 dogs. LOL



*Z*

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.


hahahaha

I remember doing this when I was younger.
Actually, still doing it while camping up north when in need of something to hold the grill over the fire.
Old metal chair frames work wonderfully

Microsoft, Southern Style
What would life be like if Microsoft was headquarted in Redmond,
Mississippi, instead of Redmond, Washington?

Their #1 product would be Micr'sawft Winders
Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a hefty bag
Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or " Naw"
Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
The "Recycling Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk
redneck yelling "Freebird!"
Peripheral products would include a beer tap
Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt"
Interconnectivity would be a goal at a family reunion
Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
Micr'sawft Word would be just that: one word
Instead of latte carts we'd have grit carts
New Shutdown sound: "Y'all come back now, Yah hear?!"
Instead of VP, Micr'sawft big shots would be called "Cuz"
Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old TranS Am
Micr'sawft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
Four words: Daisy Duke screen saver
Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in
your front yard
Flight simulator upgraded to Tractor Pull Simulator
Micr'sawft CEO: Bubba Gates

You're a redneck when you work with your shirt off, and so does your husband.

www.dowlingsweatt.com...