�Twas the Month After Christmas

'TWAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS
'Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got to the scales there arose such a number!
That's when I walked to the store (it was less a walk than a lumber)
I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared:
Gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
And the wine and the rum ball, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
So I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as only I can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!
So----away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!"





Mod Edit:to remove ALL-CAPS from thread title.

[edit on 7-1-2005 by kinglizard]