Vogon poetry

(Vogon poetry is considered the second worst poetry in the universe and is a dying art. So I decided to revive it and hopefully this lost art will take off and spawn a new niche that some would call avant garde gobbledygook but at the same time preserves the Vogon heritage-like Cajun cooking.

Douglas, this is for you.)

Oh Garwarf, Garwarf I plead to thee!

As I lay in the poisonous globberhedge I pledge one of my five stomachs to you, my frumpy little drumplesitch. Do you deny that? I think not. Next!

Don't dare stare at my Flobberwotchin lest you get assigned to the blob mines you geck? That's right. My Shulubb aches for you Garwarf, aches like the boiling Targarean space crab I ate this morning. It's gizzards reminded me of you, my gibbery court appointed partner. Who's there?

We will make court appointed contact beneath the pungent turn to page 47, and as we consent to physical contact our flabbits will unite and it will disgust our family. Family? My forms are ready to sign my snuffly little drumplesitch.

Am I obtuse? Only Grrrght can answer that question. Turn to page 83 will tell you that one of my four hearts is true. Exit? Why? My Varoom I will!

Oh Garwarf, I would sign a form for you. I would sign that form so hard you'd hagstat. I am not your friend. Next please? Maybe.

Yours by law,

Grublump

Why do I feel like chewing my own leg off?

a reply to: Bluntone22

You survived Grunthos the flatulent and lived to tell the tale? I'm impressed.

And somehow I forgot that Vogon poetry was the third worst and not the second. Oh Buglyump help me by squanch!

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

Yes, Paula has the distinction of the world's worst poetry..

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

I read this with one eye closed so I only had to rip the one eye out.

Please don't post anymore!

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

The absolute worst the Universe has to offer:

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole
By: Kristen Stewart

I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.
Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man,
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked.

And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa.
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in
My eyes
And I’m drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine …

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations might actually blow up the internet.

Foolish human. Do you not crevktch the truth? Before you can utter these holy words you must first
Gnarfle the Garthok

a reply to: Bluntone22

Why do I feel like chewing my own leg off?

Why do I feel like chewing your leg off, too? I wish an asteroid would punch through my roof and ventilate my cranium. I can't take it no more.

Excuse me while I run screaming from the Internet.

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

Sometimes, I wish to be the fetid scent of death and decay that caresses your nostrils from my discarded corpse.

Or, spaced, out the airlock, I would evacuate from every orifice and become a frozen bolide of love.

Falling, falling, to wreck your house and suppurate helplessly across the carpet as I thaw.

To explore the lumps in a puree of you, to drink the whole spittoon of your saved secretions.

Swallowing in a gulp, as it has congealed into a single lump.

All this and more my love...

Oh green lump of putrid putty,
Lo in my armpit you were found,
While the water went pittery splity
And round the drain it went round.

HURRKL....

You know I kinda liked it, it highlighted the underlying metaphor of the humanity er vogonitry of what ever it was about.

originally posted by: Thecakeisalie
(Vogon poetry is considered the second worst poetry in the universe and is a dying art. So I decided to revive it and hopefully this lost art will take off and spawn a new niche that some would call avant garde gobbledygook but at the same time preserves the Vogon heritage-like Cajun cooking.

Douglas, this is for you.)

Oh Garwarf, Garwarf I plead to thee!

As I lay in the poisonous globberhedge I pledge one of my five stomachs to you, my frumpy little drumplesitch. Do you deny that? I think not. Next!

Don't dare stare at my Flobberwotchin lest you get assigned to the blob mines you geck? That's right. My Shulubb aches for you Garwarf, aches like the boiling Targarean space crab I ate this morning. It's gizzards reminded me of you, my gibbery court appointed partner. Who's there?

...

Oh Garwarf, I would sign a form for you. I would sign that form so hard you'd hagstat. I am not your friend. Next please? Maybe.

Yours by law,

Grublump

Grabs Towel, jumps out of airlock aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

The flat earth thread was cool in comparison to this, sadly it was deleted and I made the mistake coming here.

I finally dont feel beneath other posters on this site

This should be in the hoax bin. It is impossible for a human to write Vogon poetry, as any snarflegrup should know.

a reply to: Raggedyman

The flat earth thread was cool in comparison to this, sadly it was deleted and I made the mistake coming here. I finally dont feel beneath other posters on this site

It was? Why was that done, because of certain truths not being allowed?
Edit: Nope, plenty of flat Earth on ATS.