Having a hard time.

a reply to: intrptr

Boy oh boy, did you nail it.

We are conditioned to expect more so we want more.
We been programmed and conditioned to this, our expectations are no longer our own.

I suppose that humans are hardwired to strive for better lives. But I also think that this basic nature has been turned into the consumer mentality we have today. I mark a visible moment when this began, with the confluence of three aspects of modern life that many today take as givens.

One is the advent assembly line manufacturing. Rather than making things in the old, slower method, assembly lines began producing 'goods' at such a rate that the demand for those products was not keeping up with the supply. So how did the producers balance this scale. By producing less? By not capitalizing on this new technology? Nope. By seducing people to buy more than they needed. How people related to their 'needs' needed to be changed.

This was brought about by the infant advertising industry. The studies and theories of Freud and others early on in the science of psychology were offering insights into the mechanical-ness of human nature. This knowledge allowed the young advertising industry to begin experimenting on the population in order to shift people from their old needs into new needs that were more in line with the producers ability to produce. This shift changed society on a fundamental level.

We have examples of advertising from before this period but much of it was just that. Advertising. Letting people know about a product. But this shift went far beyond this. With the knowledge of psychology, advertising began in earnest to 'sell' to 'convince' to 'market' to people not by filling peoples 'needs', but rather by appealing to peoples 'wants and desires' and changing them INTO NEEDS. And consumer mentality was born.

The nail in the coffin was mass communication. The radio and then the TV. Freekin miracles. In the early days or radio people would huddle around a radio at night and listen to music from far away. Listen to radio mysteries, comedy shows and sports. What a miracle. And all for free. Just buy the box and it was all free. All brought to them by the friendly sponsor. It was considered as a gift from the business world to make their lives happier. All they had to do to keep the free stuff coming was to 'support your local sponsor.' Little did they know that the local sponsor was often supported by the bigger parent company that was employing a room full of young people schooled in the modern science of psychology on how to alter peoples consciousness.

Then there was TV. In the mid 50s, all those men and women who had fought the war were now raising families and by the end of the decade all of them had TVs, sitting around in the evenings like their parents did with the radio. And that room full of young people schooled in modern psychology was now room after room in building after building on street after street and was known as Madison Avenue.

But that was only the beginning..............................

originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: raedar

I'm glad to hear you're sober, and that you've found ways to be enlightened. I do have times I'm a bit happier, I mean I love my wife, I enjoy the area I live, I love my parents/siblings and all that I live near - I guess it's just something a bit more personal, it's like... What SHOULD I be doing? Or should I try to be content with what I am doing? I've always been the change-the-world-altruistically type of person and it just gets me down to know that I impact very few lives, in very small ways.

This came up for me as well in my own life. I've been through so much trying to find that "thing" that would define me, set me apart, put my passion and gifts to use, change things. But I felt at a loss, tried so many things and kept feeling no path was the right one, kind of would burn out I guess. I was told to consider maybe I am meant to be exactly where I am, and maybe it is to be there for those around me, injecting positive light into the world, providing support, comfort, humor, subtle positivism.

Hearing that, I feel, released me from the incredible expectations/beliefs I had for my life. Now I feel more able to stay in the moment, and feel like I'm beginning to gain intuition and able to look toward the future without freaking out. I feel it is my first experience with true serenity, which is amazing!

I feel like our lives crisscross one another in millions of subtle ways, and I may never know all the ways I may be affecting a complete stranger with some minuscule interaction, you know? Once I "grand scheme" things I have to admit I may never know how many purposes my life has seen...even in a single day. It's my job to show up for it and try to be a positive force. Immeasurable importance, but important.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I don't want to sound trite, but find that I often do. While reading your post, especially towards the end an old passage of Dickens came to mind. The words of Ebenezer Scrooge

"“Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

If you have free time, volunteer. You can find a soup kitchen and wash pots, fold napkins. Become a big brother and offer little insights and friendship to a young person. Helping out at an old folks home can do wonders for a 'bogged down soul'. Think not so much about 'your' happy life, but rather making someone else s life happier.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

That's just it, I see things on a large scale.
Who cares about a folded napkin when millions of children are starving in other countries? I seem to marginalize smaller actions because they aren't having the big impact I wish I could have - I realize this type of thinking is erroneous and that volunteering at a soup kitchen might be all I can do to help, and that it is indeed important to those served, but I don't seem to be able to adopt that mindset and put it to practice, and I'm not sure why.

originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: TerryMcGuire

That's just it, I see things on a large scale.
Who cares about a folded napkin when millions of children are starving in other countries? I seem to marginalize smaller actions because they aren't having the big impact I wish I could have - I realize this type of thinking is erroneous and that volunteering at a soup kitchen might be all I can do to help, and that it is indeed important to those served, but I don't seem to be able to adopt that mindset and put it to practice, and I'm not sure why.

Hi deadlyhope!! I completely relate to everything you've written....felt that way for years now.

I want to address your last sentence, in the quote above...I think perhaps you feel that you're only 1 person...and 1 person can't make a big difference. But that's not true.
Mother Theresa, Princess Diana...Martin Luther King...Nelson Mandela...they were only 1 person once. What they did and who they were....grew.
Even if you don't get global, and you only help 1 person at a time...THAT person might (because of your help) go on to be the next BIG person to make a difference.
If not, then hey! at least you made someone's life better...that's nothing to sneeze at!

I just do all that I can to be a good person. I am in control of 'who' I want to be...and I just be it.

jacygirl

a reply to: jacygirl

I am nodding my head in agreement with what you're saying, I just don't know exactly what to do. I actually live a hundred miles away from a real city, and don't have the money to constantly go there. Locally, people take care of each other. A town of less than 200, we're a pretty close group and people help each other.

a reply to: deadlyhope

This response and your response to my post give me a clue.

You are not Doing.

You picked up my idea and what I was getting at easily, but you didn't say you'd DO it.

You tell TerryMcGuire that you 'can't adopt that mindset and put it to practice' re small actions.

Get up right now and throw a bit of bread out for the birds. That's about the easiest thing you can Do right this minute to help someone else.

Then remember the advice that eluryh22 gave you re knowing what you want. He's absolutely right. To achieve or gain anything at all you must first know what you want. Look around your room. What's in it? Why is that chair or table there? Because you wanted them and made the effort to get them. So you are capable of doing small things...

Just expand it a bit. Do more and acknowledge it when you Do.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Hmm...I'm in a town of about 34,000...not huge, but bigger than that.

Could you start an annual community garage sale or swap meet or something? Get volunteers to sell pop, do face painting for kids, with a bake sale?

It doesn't have to be anything big, but feeling like I've helped someone else gives me my own purpose. Trust me friend, I re-watched The Wall (Pink Floyd) last night...and boy, did I get miserable. I fell asleep thinking stuff like "It's all just a big trap!"....no wonder I've been up since midnight.

It's been a constant battle for a few years. What you know, what you've seen and learned...can't be undone. All you can do is find healthy coping mechanisms.

jacy

a reply to: raedar

Hearing that, I feel, released me from the incredible expectations/beliefs I had for my life. Now I feel more able to stay in the moment, and feel like I'm beginning to gain intuition and able to look toward the future without freaking out. I feel it is my first experience with true serenity, which is amazing!

I realized that under a bridge one day. It was so awesome to just be. The guilt of ambition, success and failure swept away. I didn't have to lead anyone else's expectation of a lifestyle anymore, I could just be.

I think the fulfillment came from not so much accomplishing something along a path leading to a goal, but rather not doing what was expected of me by society, friends, family, work, religion, etc.

God, what an abyss to stare into, it is the backrest one. You mean I can just be?

Wonders…

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

But this shift went far beyond this. With the knowledge of psychology, advertising began in earnest to 'sell' to 'convince' to 'market' to people not by filling peoples 'needs', but rather by appealing to peoples 'wants and desires' and changing them INTO NEEDS.

Wowsers… I needed to hear that.

I posted this somewhere else today, you might find t interesting…

Goebbels radio conference speech

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

Well...you went to the heart of the matter instead of bantering on the surface issues with everyone else.

But 100% true. And "only the beginning" is right. Once advertising moved into the realm of neuropsychology, neurolinguistics, and black budget research (combined with proper priming of the subject via educational controls)....we are the result of decades of research.

We all, to a person, stand with palms facing upwards and a hopeless look on our faces and ask, "How do we all put up with this?" each election cycle. Every time Christmas shopping rolls around again. Back to school season. When we pay data overages with Verizon.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Dead. "Mankind' IS the large scale. The big impact you crave, seeing the waves of a better world rippling out of your actions is a huge desire. I know, I have felt this way. for a long long time. Why help a child build a sand castle on the beach when the tsunami is right over the horizon. Why help an old man blow his nose when a juggernaut thousands of year old has taken aim on you, him, and everyone else you know and those you never will.

What grand action to you have to present to the world that will help us move into a positive future? What group could you join that will allow you to exert all the promise you hold within. Can you find one? I can't, and I have been looking for decades. Yeah, Deadly, seeing this 'large scale' is not what it was cracked up to be. I remember hearing "Terry, just open your eyes and see the 'larger picture'. But you know what? All those people who say that to me? They ain't got a clue about the 'large picture'. What they see is only the reflection of their own fantasies.

If you are anything like me, you might find that seeing that large picture is accompanied with a lot of suffering. Suffering Deadly. Suffering. And you know what else? Suffering ain't for sissies. It takes a fair amount of maturity to take the suffering and turn it into action. Action with meaning. Action with purpose. THAT will take your suffering and keep it from turning into self pity, and that, my friend, is what you are verging on. Self pity. And self pity IS for sissies.

If I sound harsh, well, I don't know what else to say. I first began seeing 'the large picture' when I was 19. Now I am 69 and in all that time, all that time of watching our world get closer and closer to the brink, the thing that has helped me the most is to keep my focus on the present, on the local, on the old woman sitting on the bench who needed someone to talk to.

One last thing in response. You say you are unable to adopt that mindset, to which I reply, don't adopt ANYTHING. Go out and do it. Find a tired mother in a park and help her push the swing for her kid. It can do wonders for your sense of worth.

a reply to: deadlyhope

. I do not feel I have an amount of light, or inspiration within me to grab onto, I don't have a "passion" that I can turn into a career, I don't have a meaningful hobby..

Then grab onto someone else's. Borrow it. My GF's and I laugh about being 'energy vampires" and I wouldn't want this for a steady diet... in either direction, but it can pull you out of a psychological rut.

Ya know, 'what are you doing today" "meh, just running errands, taking the dogs to the vet, meeting mother for lunch, -come with me". And when I'm having what I call a "low energy day" something like that can bounce me back, or help to.

No Bud to do it with? Then do it yourself. You can't go to the town that's 200 miles away everyday, but you can do it one day. Mill around the streets, talk to clerks in shops, have lunch and read their local newspapers. Go the their park and talk to the dogwalkers and older folks. Maybe pick up some fresh perspectives on things.

Get a room and stay the night if you can. Towns look different at night. If they have a lake or river, go for a stroll. Feed the critters.

Sometimes people can get emotionally depleted, and you need to sort of get "a shot in the arm", before you can help anybody else.

Feel better.

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

Right to the heart of the matter Bigfat. Just who are we ? You point out one very large, very soul shattering truth when you say 'we are the result of decades of research.' And who wants to really, really look into that one. Only the bravest I think.

a reply to: intrptr

Exactly. Now though we have the historical reference to know who Goebbels was, and to understand his words in that context. However, we should also always be aware that there were those in England and the US who were also understanding the power of radio and not necessarily in a more benevolent fashion.

And don'tcha just love the way we look back on the radio now? Nostalgia for the good old days. Mom and pop, kiddies listening at night. In the fifties, teenagers huddled in their bedrooms listening to Elvis. Car radios sputtering the Beachboys as couples necked out on lovers lane. Such serene images, and all the while the simplest message was being pumped out. Buy buy buy, it's fun fun fun.

a reply to: deadlyhope

We all go through tough times and it is at this time when our true character shows up. What better way to test man then to be put under pressure. Those around you see you for what you are and what you stand for. I look at my life as a test..... a life long series of tests. Some of them I pass with flying colors .....other times I see a D- .....barley making the grade and sometimes I get a big fat red F for failure and its these D's and F's that I am constantly being retested on. One day I hope to get all A's but my grade average is 2.5 on life. So I have my hands full.

There is a lot of good advice throughout this post and you should try what is best for you but now I must warn you.....staying in this current mind set can bring on depression and I see signs of it in your post so please be on the watch and try to guard yourself from it.

I use to live in even a smaller town and living in small towns such as yours reminds me of farmers and cattle country so if you are not a farmer, raising animals to eat and/or sale or raising crops for the market or retired and drawing a pension than maybe you should consider moving to a larger city, preferably a metropolitan type; where there are better jobs to choose from. Sure it is more expensive to live in or near a metro type city but you do not have to fear about finding a job; especially one that you love. I see so many people working in jobs they hate and they go back everyday to this same ole job that they hate because they are in a cycle that they do not know how to break......so it's day in and day out at the rock quarry and everyone can break this cycle the problem is many don't want to.....so they go on living an unhappy life. On the other foot those who are married and have children, have commitments and work their "butts off" to give their family a good life meanwhile the bread winner is unhappy about his/her life.

Not of all us were born with a "silver spoon" in our mouths so we have to work hard if we want a certain life style and depending on what type of work we do depends on our income. An x-ray technician is probably not needed in a town of 200 people (just an example).

I think you need to change locations. New home, new job, new life.

Good luck.

originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: TerryMcGuire

That's just it, I see things on a large scale.
Who cares about a folded napkin when millions of children are starving in other countries? I seem to marginalize smaller actions because they aren't having the big impact I wish I could have - I realize this type of thinking is erroneous and that volunteering at a soup kitchen might be all I can do to help, and that it is indeed important to those served, but I don't seem to be able to adopt that mindset and put it to practice, and I'm not sure why.

It isn't so much what we go out and do to help others, but that we help them when the opportunity arises. You live in a small community and like you said everyone helps each other, I bet you help out there, too.

We walk around during the day bumping into things and people, if you see the need, take the time to address it. Just a little time from your day when the opportunity presents itself. Thats all thats required. Pretty sure that happens to most people all the time, even in places with less people. If you think about it right now, there a few things people need doing around you, here there, a little bit of help.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

Excerpts from that speech…

We do not intend to use the radio only for our partisan purposes. We want room for entertainment, popular arts, games, jokes, and music. But everything should have a relationship to our day. Everything should include the theme of our great reconstructive work, or at least not stand in its way. Above all it is necessary to clearly centralize all radio activities, to place spiritual tasks ahead of technical ones, to introduce the leadership principle, to provide a clear worldview, and to present this worldview in flexible ways.

A government that has determined to bring a nation together so that it is once more a center of power in the scales of great world events has not only the right, but the duty, to subordinate all aspects of the nation to its goals, or at least ensure that they are supportive. That is also true for the radio. The more significant something is in influencing the will of the broad masses, the greater its responsibility to the future of the nation.

He understood the importance of having a mind meld box in every home, to infuse the people with the Nazi spirit. The ads pay the operating costs, the message is the subterfuge, regardless whether its talk, game show or cartoon.

a reply to: deadlyhope

And I shouldn't let such things determine my happiness, I should define my own happiness in my own way - But again, I am lost. I do not feel I have an amount of light, or inspiration within me to grab onto, I don't have a "passion" that I can turn into a career, I don't have a meaningful hobby..

What should I do?

Lower your standards. The American dream is just a commercial. We miss a lot of our real lives - which can be very satisfying - by coveting that dream

Stop watching this world for a while. Seriously - stop. You don't need to know what's going on every minute everywhere

Do something for someone else. Anything - any little thing - then more little things...but not because you expect their time or their thanks - just do it

Finally - I don't know you or your history, but the world has been pressing in on everybody lately. It's also Christmas - and it's winter... not always a good mix for some folks - including myself

So, daylight and exercise. Go for a 15 minute walk in the light every single day. Just 15 minutes - walking and light. Less sleep (yes - less). Fewer carbs, sugar and alcohol - more protein

Do something fun at least once a day - crosswords, music, favorite show, writing, knitting - knife throwing - doesn't matter what it is. Do something that gives you some pleasure

Make all of the above a habit - and let's check back in February :-)

originally posted by: deadlyhope
a reply to: TerryMcGuire

That's just it, I see things on a large scale.
Who cares about a folded napkin when millions of children are starving in other countries? I seem to marginalize smaller actions because they aren't having the big impact I wish I could have - I realize this type of thinking is erroneous and that volunteering at a soup kitchen might be all I can do to help, and that it is indeed important to those served, but I don't seem to be able to adopt that mindset and put it to practice, and I'm not sure why.

Try this - if the participants of this thread hadn't adopted that mindset there'd be no-one here trying to help you.