Novato Couple Recount Terrifying Squirrel Attack

Squirrel attacks have long been a favorite joke in pop culture.



Or on a less light note:



But I guess only in San Francisco do they actually get to live the movies.

There's a vicious little sucker who has a whole neighborhood terrorized out there.

The last thing Richard Williams expected when he started doing chores in the garage of his Novato home the day after Thanksgiving was that he would soon be in a life-and-death battle with a crazed squirrel.

Apparently, it got into this guy's garage and before the battle was over, both Richard and his wife had to go to the hospital thanks to the furry little menace.

The same squirrel is suspected of attacking five others in the last two weeks in the surrounding neighborhood including a teacher and student at Pleasant Valley Elementary.

Animal control officers have been patrolling the area, searching for the squirrel. Warning flyers have also been posted.

What is going on out there?!

It's good to know that Animal Control has it all under control with nasty flyers, but me? I'm thinking this is what a personal firearms is for.

They were there first, the humans came and cut down most all their trees

a reply to: ketsuko

Since our dogs seem to love chasing down squirrels, and since squirrels will almost certainly be the end of us all, we should take the next logical step: Arming our dogs with assault rifles.

They don't have any thumbs to pull the trigger, but I have a way around this. We hook up sensitive sensors to the dogs head and the dog needs only to bark in a certain fashion to take off the safety and blink willingly to fire the rifle. The accuracy and habits will require training, but before you know it dogs will be heading off to war in "Operation Backyard Storm".

Squirrel carcasses will litter yards across the world in the millions. Yet I fear violent reprisals from the squirrel community, who will undoubtedly start an insurgency to the canine occupation. The war will rage on for several brutal years until us human beings try to finally put a stop to things.

Then BOTH squirrels and dogs will turn on us, and a bloodbath will ensue.

Many people think World War Three will be fought by just men. No. It will also be fought by his best friend and his worst nightmare.

Lot of squirrel where I live here, and the worst they do for me is knock leaves and acorns out of the trees on to my porch or what is left of the pine cones they chomp on.

But if I had one trying to attack? I have an answer for that. It's called a .22 Ruger. Problem solved.


Plus diner!

a reply to: Passerby1996

So instead of sharks with lasar beams, you're going for dogs with assault rifles?



I like it!

Dogs with assault rifles might look a bit like this:

a reply to: ketsuko
The damn diabolical rodents! Nobody at least has a BB gun? Really, I'd be eating squirrel.
Hmm. Wouldn't it be cool to have a squirrel army, all trained to attack people you don't like?

This is definitely Obamas fault!

a reply to: ketsuko
Imagine if those were flying squirrels. That could be bad. Very bad; especially if the were armed.

Lmao

I'm hoping those of you talking about guns here are being satirical but to be fair using a gun on a squirrel seems to be intellectually on par with using guns against tanks and drones

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

The guns seem at least as intelligent as allowing a squirrel to terrorize an entire neighborhood.



It's a rodent. You run over them with your car because they go charging off across the street unpredictably.