On saying “I love you” to lots of people.

The problem is no one wants your love. So why give it to them? I certainly don't. I don't know you. These people want it; they like fuzzy feelings and warm insides. But they don't know you. What they love is themselves.

If your love is so cheap that you'd be willing to give it out wantonly to any stranger, then it is false, diluted to the point that you're willing to give it as if it was near worthless, when it is a precious resource not to be squandered and rendered meaningless. How can you love what you don't know? You love feeling good. In other words, you love yourself.

Love those who are deserved of it, or don't love at all. Anything else is a quest for self-gratification.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

On the contrary, pretty much everyone needs love. Specially as small children.

Have you been reading the thread at all? Cause I'm not sure what you want to do here, except call me cheap. Which you've done and congratulations, I get it. You think I'm cheap.

I do agree that love is precious, but it is not like a natural resource that we "run out of."

I do NOT agree that it's merely for self-gratification. Gratification would indicate that one is satisfying a desire; desire being something we don't need. But I believe that we do need love as much as we need water. It is a physical need. We need to love and be loved. We are meeting NEEDS, not desires.

There have been studies where something of this nature has been tested, the results being in favor of a certain mothers intimacy strengthening a growth hormone and immune system in the bodies of rats. All hormonal of course. There are other indications of this, human cases where the children develop oddly(not in favor of ones survival) due to a childhood full of neglect and abuse(these are not experiments, just historical cases). Stress hormones literally pull energy AWAY from the immune system and vital organs in order to put energy into your muscles(preparing you for a fight or flight situation)... and too much of that can result in very negative health consequences. So much can be said about that alone.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?!

a reply to: geezlouise

I don't think you're cheap. I don't know you. what I am saying is you are devaluing your love. I am saying love is a precious commodity not to be handed out to any passers-by.

Addicts have physical needs. There is an obesity epidemic. We don't just feed any gaping maw with what they want.

Yes, love your children and families. Love your friends. They are worth your love. But not everyone is.

What I am afraid of is you will be taken advantage of. I do not question your good intentions and well-meaning.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

Oh my dear, it's far too late for that! I've already been taken advantage of plenty. I know all about that, and the key to that is... I am still alive. I am HERE, breathing, I MADE IT THIS FAR!

And once again, I'm not sure if you read any of my OP much less the rest of the thread because I clearly state that I do NOT freely express a love towards people who I feel are unsafe, and that would include people who I feel would take advantage of me. I MIGHT start out being loving towards someone only to find they are being sneaky or creepy, to which I simply would withdraw my kindness. And I live through it. No big deal.

If I am kind towards someone, two things can happen:

1. I find out they're a creep and I quickly withdrawal.
2. I find out they're really cool and I make a friend/acquaintance.

Since I entered the situation with myself and #1. happens, I lose nothing. I still have myself. But if #2 happens, then I gain a friend/support.

With that said, I implore you to read the thread carefully before you respond again. I'm running out of things to say and not be repetitive!

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
it is a precious resource not to be squandered and rendered meaningless.

To the contrary, it seems focusing on positive feelings makes them stronger and more readily available.

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
You love feeling good. In other words, you love yourself.

You say that as if it's a bad thing.


Her use of the word is a bit liberal for my taste, but I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from trying to spread good will. I'd advise caution to make sure it isn't misunderstood by impressionable young men; but the apprehension of love running out due to the overuse of the word sounds kind of silly.

a reply to: geezlouise

My response wasn't necessarily directed towards you personally.

Point taken.

Well, when the greatest teacher (Jesus Christ) who ever lived was asked what the two greatest commandments were, he said the first was to love Jehovah God with all your heart and soul, and strength and might, and the second was this: to love your neighbor as yourself.

And when asked who our neighbor is, Jesus empathized the point that it is not just a close person that you know giving the story of the good Samaritan, I'll quote the passage here of the parable but you don't need to read it if you don't want to:

(Luke 10:29-37) . . .But wanting to prove himself righteous, the man said to Jesus: “Who really is my neighbor?” 30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jerʹi·cho and fell victim to robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went off, leaving him half-dead. 31 Now by coincidence a priest was going down on that road, but when he saw him, he passed by on the opposite side. 32 Likewise, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the opposite side. 33 But a certain Sa·marʹi·tan traveling the road came upon him, and at seeing him, he was moved with pity. 34 So he approached him and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. Then he mounted him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two de·narʹi·i, gave them to the innkeeper, and said: ‘Take care of him, and whatever you spend besides this, I will repay you when I return.’ 36 Who of these three seems to you to have made himself neighbor to the man who fell victim to the robbers?” 37 He said: “The one who acted mercifully toward him.” Jesus then said to him: “Go and do the same yourself.”

The striking thing about this parable is that Jews hated Samaritans, and Jesus was teaching them, that they were their neighbors, and they needed to love them too.

So it is a good thing to love all people, even people of different ethnic, national, and racial backgrounds. And to treat all human with human kindness and love. Imagine a world where everyone followed that law of love? There would be no more war, crime, hatred, terrorism, etc. It would unite the world in peace and love. It is the right, the godly, the divine, thing to do.

Like was pointed out, our actions demonstrate our love. Offering food to someone hungry is an act of love toward that person. Helping someone change their tire is an act of love toward that person. Consoling someone in their time of need, is an act of love toward that person. There are many ways, and it would be good to show acts of love, and not of hatred, every day to someone.

Perhaps you felt the attention that teacher was giving you was an act of love, and perhaps it was. Good friendships can come from such. And like you mentioned, giving of attention is showing love.

In fact very strong bonds can form among people that last a lifetime when they spend time with each other, and not just romantically. You can have lasting friendships, even ones that go deeper than romantic love. King David said that his friendship with the older Jonathan was so great that their love was greater than that of the love of a woman.

I think more people need to hear the words "I love you," and need to know they are loved. A simply gesture, stopping by to say hi.

You know a few nights ago, I always go past a man on the streets who owns a hot dog stand and sales food until 2AM. That night it was about maybe 0C. That's very cold* where we live, it rarely gets that cold here. Around 11:30PM I made a cup of coffee, and warmed a sock with rice in the microwave for two minutes and brought them to him. He lives a few blocks from the house. And his clothing wasn't really appropriate for the weather, he probably didn't have anything warmer anyway. He was shivering when I got there.

He was really touched that I would think of doing something like that for him. And I sat with him, the business was real dead, and we drank coffee together and chatted for about an hour, until I was too tired and came home to sleep.

I used to say that I "loved everyone", but like you, noticed it made many people concerned and some repulsed.

People associate certain behaviors with love - like sex, or unrealistic idealisation of the object of ones love, dependency, need....
These all create expectations and demands of the loved one!
When you say that, people get afraid you are going to expect them to respond to your needs, to be receptive to you, or even to simply remain in the same sort of behavior or emotional expression that they are in at the moment you say that.
Also, many of us feel a bit turned off by what sounds like very strong emotions, because a very strong "positive" emotion indicates there will be, at one point or another, very strong negative emotion.
The most passionate people hate as strongly as they love.

Instinctively, I know I feel a bit more comfortable with people (and animals) who are a bit more slow to trust and show affection. It seems like once you have finally gained that from them, it feels more stable and dependable; simply because they don't change their moods and feelings quickly.

I would say, however that I love all people... but I do not make any habit out of saying that. Because most people do not understand that I am not refering to current ideas on loving relationships and the behaviors expected with them.

I prefer to say, I care about humans in general. I have gotten into the habit, when refering to someone in particular with whom I do not have a specially close relationship to, that I "appreciate", "admire", "respect", or like them greatly.
Or that I feel very affectionate towards them. (this I have to say in french, of course, but I would use the same terms in english).
I find these words are somewhat more precise and more easily recieved by others. "Love" is a bit too wide open to interpretation and expectation.

Love is everything positive for me. Anything. So you can say it or you can show it with some act of kindness, compassion, laughter, joke,.... Does not matter. This are all some form of love. We each choose different ways to show it. When you express it verbally, you are making a very direct and clear love connection with the recipient. This can be wired for some and not for other just like with any other thing. So you should not worry about that or you will never get to the end of it.

There are no rules here or definitions, it is a feeling. If you want to spread love do it just like you feel it at the moment. This is the only thing which cannot be wrong. How can love be wrong?
If anyone thinks that than in my opinion this just shows something amiss in other person.
Love is not just about romance and sex. They are just another form of love between two close people. But what about other ways of expression? When we are adult, we often forget about them because out thoughts get in the way...

Look at the young children who are pure and without a care in the world. They can immediately befriend any other kid and play together, like they have known each other for a life time. They are grounded in the present moment where past or future don't exists. This is what pure love is all about unity, laughter, compassion,...positivity in general in the present. We as adults than often forget this care free feeling and we think we are maturing into a real adult person. We are getting misguided by our thoughts who are clouding the pure feelings due to some past bad experiences or just even false imagination because we like to judge others based on looks or other superficial property.
But are we really mature if we like to think more?
Does maturing into adult person means that we cannot share love all the time and in a way which suits us. If this is true than I never want that kind of maturity.

I think the strongest persons are the ones who love the most unconditionally and they are not afraid to express it. But many people today are weak because they expect something in return and if this is not the case, than they don't even bother. Their ego is hurt and than they get sad or depressed. This is not love, this is than just like LesMisanthrope posted. Love and negativity never go hand in hand, that is not love than and it is something different. When this happens I would recommend to contemplate deeply until you clear the issue about what is love.

From what I read from your posts you listen to intuition to whom you say it. And this should be enough. Trust your intuition and if you feel like showing it, do it because this is very beautiful! You are an amazing strong person from where I am standing!

We can never have enough love to receive OR to give away. This is about the only limitless thing for me in our existence.

a reply to: JackReyes

thank you for sharing! amazing post. Which I fully agree with. You and many others who have contributed here seems like a really strong persons with a lot of love to give.

Some people use the word love while they really want to say they think something is very good. Personally I like to reserve the word for only one person in the world, not only for exclusivity but also to keep my sanity. I can still say I like people, or think they are good or say I like some activity. I prefer someone who radiates "Good" rather than "Love".

I pretty much limit this to family and ring 1 of my friends.

They know anyway.

originally posted by: geezlouise
More than one person told me to stop tainting the word love. From the internet. Never in my personal life.

originally posted by: queenofswords
The Ancient Greeks came up with six kinds of love (Eros, storge, agape, philia, pragma, ludus).

Exactly. I think there is a problem with the English language, where one word (love) can have so many different meanings. If we use the same word to express at least six different types of feelings toward others, isn't this bound to create some confusion, ambiguity and misunderstandings, or as stated being accused of "tainting" the word?

Ideally the answer would be to add several more words to the English language so we don't use the same word for different types of love (platonic versus romantic, etc). But since that's not so easy to do, I think all we can do is exercise some caution and awareness that we can create some confusion if we use the same word to mean six different types of feelings where the Greeks had six different words for "love".

I don't know if "tainting" the word accurately describes the problem, but there is a communication problem using one word for so many different meanings, so, be aware of that and use some discretion in your language accordingly.

a reply to: geezlouise



My initial response to the OP....this scene.

originally posted by: Arbitrageur
I think all we can do is exercise some caution and awareness that we can create some confusion if we use the same word to mean six different types of feelings where the Greeks had six different words for "love".

I agree. There's not a really good way to separate what I feel towards my wife, my kids, my brothers, my mother and father, my best buddies, the Swedish National massage team and so on.

It's very different. But it's similar.

Defensive. Protective. Inclusive. Helpless. Excited. It's a concept that's difficult to express. And it's different for everyone. I've been told I react like a ferret. I do a happy dance. It's the sort of thing I can't suppress easily.

the more often you use a word, the less influence and meaning it carries. supply and demand. you supply it without people demanding it, and it becomes worthless. i say the "love" word very rarely, because i value it so highly. not going to cheapen it by using it where a simple, "thank you" with a smile or handshake would suffice.

it's a dumbing down, sorry to say. everything is super fabulous, and people are incredibly intelligent. no it's simply good, and you're maybe smart, maybe not. people need to get a grip, and stop ruining the inner meaning of words by supplying it without high demand.

if i do something that is simply well thought out, and someone says, "genius", i don't bother acknowledging the compliment, because it feels cheap and fake. if someone adds a "super" in front of it, the same. if someone i don't know well says, "i love you", i'm going to be very turned off and disappointed. it's immature.

Why can't we just realise it is only a word? What it means is completely subjective.

I hear people say they love a certain TV show or food etc every day. Do I think it's insane? No, they are just using their language to express that they really like something. And to them, it's easier to say love then to say they "really enjoy" said food/show etc.

Look for actions. Not words.

You shouldn't wait for words to validate something. I don't need the people who love me to tell me they love me... I know they do.

So if someone wants to, in passing say "i love you" for maybe something nice I did for them... will I think they truly love me? No.... But it's nice to be appreciated and if that's the way they decide to let me know im appreciated then fine. But I wont' expect never ending, true love from them.... lol

It's a strange odd world we live in when saying "I love you" has become absolutely INSULTING and OFFENSIVE! WOWZERS!

Well anyway, thanks for contributing folks!

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: schuyler

I paid a lot of attention to your post, I think maybe because you're part of the reason why there is a stigma at all. And maybe parts of my response was a little catty (the part where I said you must feel very safe within boundaries of the average hive- which is true, you follow all the rules), but I mainly just feel passionately about the whole thing so I apologize if I have hurt your feelings or seem disrespectful when I choose to continue to be loving.

Keeping my emotions in check doesn't mean snuffing them out entirely until I become empty and devoid of all feeling. Don't snuff out my love. Or anyone's. That seems too evil.

I will say this honestly, you are trying to do what many before you have.

And it will outlast you, I can guarantee you will forget to do it eventually.

Saying these words is essentially meaningless to most of us, and you will find more and more people who will crush your love with hate.

The stigma, as you call it, is no stigma at all....

And you will eventually meet people you cannot affect either way with these statements, and they will change you.

You are in a safe zone, for the moment, so enjoy it I guess.....just remember that the mantras that love is all their is and all that jazz........haven't dug really deep.

a reply to: ParasuvO

I don't know that I made this thread to affect anyone at all, to be honest, what a bold statement! I'm no hero but thank you for being compelled enough to respond! Wow. Because in fact, I think I made this thread to affect ME, first and foremost. Yes, I'll admit it. I'M SELFISH. I'm very selfish indeed, and I think this thread was an attempt to reinforce something inside of me personally. NOT FOR YOU(like can you be any more self-centered? how dare you!).

And you think that because of my one post about being loving towards people when I feel it is safe to do so, and perhaps in combination with my photo, that I am a light-hearted bimbo living in the disney world delusion trying to change the world? How very small of you.

What Sally says about Sandy tells more about Sally than it does about Sandy. I think it was you who wanted to change the world. And I think you think you're something special. I on the contrary know that I'm simply a big nobody. Take care now!

a reply to: geezlouise

I understand where you are coming from and unconditional love is a wonderful thing, however here on this earthly plane love is subjective.

It's a sad thing too.

The word love means so many things to so many people, and others use the word love to manipulate and control, so "Love" is something that needs to be evaluated first. imo

I wish it wasn't the case and unconditional love was an understood thing universally, but it isn't.

I do however feel your genuine love coming through, and appreciated what you had to say here on ATS.

Peace and love to you.

RT