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Things Children have been told

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posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 11:50 AM
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1. They don't sell replacement batteries for that toy.

2. My dad used to tell me that Santa was tired of cookies and mile and that he wanted Doritos and beer instead. That went on for years.

3. The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers.

4. My parents got me to try calamari by calling it "Italian onion rings"

5. When we went to the store, my mom used to say, "Every time you touch something a kitten dies."

6. My mom told me that when an earthquake happened, it was because our planet was fighting with another planet. I believed that crap until second grade.

7. "oh, no. This isn't Coke. It's really just black water, you wouldn't like it."

8. I was told that if I swallowed my gum, my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried every time I accidentally swallowed some.

9. My dad told me that the oil stains on the street were little kids that got run over because they didn't hold anyone's hand while crossing the street.

10. My wife's parents used to tell her that dandelions were illegal and they would get fined if she didn't remove all of them from the yard.

11. I told my son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room every time.

12. My Dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were just people farms.

13. My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to chuck e cheese.

14. My parents told me that if I pushed the "reset" button on the power outlet the house would explode.

15. Every time you lie. baby Jesus gets diarrhea.

Do y'all have any good ones?




posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 11:55 AM
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That I would go blind due to a certain extenuating circumstance..

My vision is still quite good.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 12:16 PM
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a reply to: slapjacks

Not sure if this exactly fits in this thread.....

But when I was a kid, old enough to realize that Santa wasn't real but still young enough to be stupid..... I thought that ALL the parents went to Toys R Us on Christmas Eve after the kids went to bed.

Side Note: Every time we would pass a graveyard my dad would say, "People are just dying to get in there." (Now I find myself saying it to my kid.... ugh).



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 12:17 PM
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I'll get worms from eating raw cookie dough.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 12:32 PM
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My mother in law told her daughter.
When the ice cream van is playing music,
it means they have run out of ice cream.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 12:51 PM
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a reply to: slapjacks




8. I was told that if I swallowed my gum, my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried every time I accidentally swallowed some.


I am embarressed to say my parents said that my sphincter would get blocked and I could "die"



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 12:55 PM
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I told my daughter that there are ghosts in my closet so she wouldn't go in there and see her xmas presents, she already has once, but I reminded her about the ghosts, not again.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 01:20 PM
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We live in a very secluded area and drive past many large farms and fields on our way to town. For a brief time I thoroughly had my six year old convinced that the large round bales wrapped in white plastic were marshmallows and that " real" ones grew on a farm. Lol... I feel so evil.* giggles



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 01:46 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

mine is not



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 01:47 PM
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originally posted by: chrismarco
mine is not


Is it directly relatable to asphyxiating the domestic fowl?



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:01 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

One could say....priceless...thanks for the laugh
edit on 4-12-2015 by chrismarco because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:11 PM
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My dad once told me that the Gargoyle that sat up near the top of the church in my town sometimes came to life and flew around - I believed that for a year or so as a kid.

He'd also tell me when he'd get out the car and leave it in neutral with the engine running...that if I touched the gear stick the car would lift up at the front and flip over backwards.


I'm sure there was more but I can't remember them now.


ETA: Oh yeah.... my sister also told me of a Grave/tomb in the graveyard called the Sad Stone and if you ran around it anti-clockwise 3 times and said something (I don't remember what now) that the lid would start to slide off.... she even told me they'd done it once and all ran off screaming. I was only like 6-7 so I was terrified and believed her.
edit on 4/12/15 by blupblup because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:17 PM
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a reply to: slapjacks

Damn. Some of those were funny!!! Mean, but funny. Your parents sound like a riot. As long as you aren't their child anyway.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:19 PM
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originally posted by: Bluntone22
I'll get worms from eating raw cookie dough.


My grandma said I'd get worms from eating too much jelly on toast.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:43 PM
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a reply to: slapjacks
Your parents sound lovely lol. The baby Jesus getting diarrhea one would make me lie. A lot! I love the ice cream truck and people farm ones. That's awesome.
My dad told me once that he was bald because he had head lice and my grandma put castor oil on his head. The lice got the runs and pulled his hair out to wipe with. Yeah, sometimes I wonder why I'm so warped. Both parents told me not to stick my finger in the light socket. After unscrewing a bulb and putting my tongue in, I found out why. They were right. Don't do it.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:46 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus
Your vision might be fine but do your palms sprout hair?



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 02:50 PM
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originally posted by: Skid Mark
Your vision might be fine but do your palms sprout hair?


Used to, but I bought the No No:




posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 03:21 PM
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One that my 4 year old daughter told me that I had never heard. I assume she heard it from someone else, but I about lost my sh*t when she dropped it on me.

One day I stuck out my bottom lip at her and she said "don't stick out your lip or a bird will poop on it"




posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 03:57 PM
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originally posted by: blupblup
My dad once told me that the Gargoyle that sat up near the top of the church in my town sometimes came to life and flew around - I believed that for a year or so as a kid.

My father was a schoolteacher and told our class more than once "Whenever the weathercock on top of the church tower hears the church bells, it flies down to the village pond and takes a drink".
I think he was trying to teach us something about logical statements. We would protest "But sir, the cock can't hear the church bells" and that was really the point- the conditional part of the statement was never fulfilled.

Just as well. The village pond was stagnant and mud-filled.



posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 04:20 PM
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I told the kids to help me plant the chicken bones after dinner one night. Then snuck a dozen chicks in the pen and hopped back in bed to let the kids "wake me up". I told them eggs were a conspiracy, the government doesn't want us to know how easy it is to get free Chicken.

The little one got in a pinch when he explained to his 1st grade teacher that she was wrong, and even spelled it out for her W R O N G! You are just a teacher. We have a chicken farm I think I know where chickens come from more than you.

Don't worry I explained and we all had a laugh in the principal's office.
edit on 4-12-2015 by wastedown because: grammar nazi evasion




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