posted on Dec, 4 2015 @ 11:50 AM
1. They don't sell replacement batteries for that toy.
2. My dad used to tell me that Santa was tired of cookies and mile and that he wanted Doritos and beer instead. That went on for years.
3. The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers.
4. My parents got me to try calamari by calling it "Italian onion rings"
5. When we went to the store, my mom used to say, "Every time you touch something a kitten dies."
6. My mom told me that when an earthquake happened, it was because our planet was fighting with another planet. I believed that crap until second
7. "oh, no. This isn't Coke. It's really just black water, you wouldn't like it."
8. I was told that if I swallowed my gum, my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried every time I accidentally swallowed some.
9. My dad told me that the oil stains on the street were little kids that got run over because they didn't hold anyone's hand while crossing the
10. My wife's parents used to tell her that dandelions were illegal and they would get fined if she didn't remove all of them from the yard.
11. I told my son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room every time.
12. My Dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were just people farms.
13. My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to chuck e cheese.
14. My parents told me that if I pushed the "reset" button on the power outlet the house would explode.
15. Every time you lie. baby Jesus gets diarrhea.
Do y'all have any good ones?