a reply to: ghostrager
Just a few of my thoughts on two parent households....
1) On the second day after my wife and our son came home from hospital after he was born, I immediately found a new level of respect (and, yes, I
admit, some pity) for single mothers. (I know I should say single "parent" instead of mother, but that was my thought at the time). Although it is
always a huge energy consumer, taking care of a child for that first year is beyond exhausting. I couldn't imagine having to do that alone. I would
also point out that being physically exhausted all the time easily leads to being mentally exhausted along with a whole host of other, albeit
temporary, emotional stresses.
2) Of course this depends on a few factors... but... in a two parent household there is a greater chance that the child will almost always find
him/herself being cared for by a parent. We are lucky in that my wife is in the medical field so she found a job at a local hospital on the night
shift. Now he is in Pre-K full time, but before that or over the summers he has Mommy during the day and at night he has Daddy caring for him. I'm
sure people can find all sorts of "studies" about this, but I can't help but think that, especially for the first year or two, a child being cared for
by parents rather than by relative strangers at a daycare is for the best.
3) Play: I'm using playtime as an example but this affects other areas as well. In a two parent household the child is raised by people sharing the
same goal (a well educated, socially responsible person). By having two parents, the same lessons can be reinforced from two different perspectives.
Bringing it back to playtime: My wife and I have two totally different "styles" of play. My wife has more of a "slap-stick" approach (making cars go
BOOM! or stuffed animals bouncing around). I tend to play in a more "serious" way (for lack of a better word). We take his toy animals, put them
around the house, then have the Octonauts rescue them one by one. My point is, with two parents there are two perspectives, which I believe to be
4) Predators: It's disgusting to even think about this, but I think it's important. From what I understand (and from what common sense seems to tell
me) is that predators go for the easiest targets. Part of what makes an easy target, is a kid that is from a broken home or has less of a family
structure. I suspect that having two parents having their presence known at school or soccer practice or wherever, gives a potential perv reason to
pause and not go after that child. It's horrible that I even have to write this, but it is true. I'm want to clearly say that I don't think single
parents "make it easy" for predators, but by default they have less time (working, caring for the child, maintaining the house). Plus, just in
numbers, two is more than one. (Yes, I know that sometimes kids from traditional households get abused too, sometimes from their own family, but I'm
speaking to the topic at hand: single-vs-dual-parents).
5) To the point about fathers in general. It seems to me that a child, generally speaking, is well served to be raised by a mother and a father. Let
me be clear, I am not saying that two parents of the same sex can't raise a well developed kid. I'm simply saying that I believe that kids learn a
tremendous amount in those first few years. In a sense, mommy is (and hopefully acts like) a role model for how a woman should be and daddy is (and
hopefully acts like) a role model for how a man should be.
Sorry for rambling....