Visions of You -- Love Elegies (poem)

Visions of You

I. I inhale your sweet intoxication deeply,
You the addiction I will never quit.

II. Your mellifluous voice has the aftertaste of
mead: sweet going down, then bitter. Biting.

III. The lines on your face mirror those carved in your palms.
Scores to count the years we’ve spent together.

IV. I am nothing but a gutter rat skittering
through your maze. Only one way out: poison.

a reply to: Alexithymia

This is professional level writing, I am extremely impressed.

How long did you work on this? I have not once spent more than a few moments writing my pieces here as of yet, but this. This is something else, what inspired you?

I get the connotation that you are inhaling either a cigarette or perhaps a greener alternative, how ever I can not say.

A love of many years, perhaps unbeknownst to your affliction with inhaling the ashen essence of deviance.

a reply to: Aeshma

Ahah, I wouldn't say I'm a pro. Thus far I've only posted old works here, nothing newly written for ATS.

I give different pieces different levels of work. Poems I write just to right are given relatively little thought, and even less revision. But when I write things that are meant to be read by other people, I put a lot more effort in. I write slowly, carefully crafting each line. I will sit with a thesaurus and a dictionary open beside me (usually two tabs on my browser, whether I am writing on the computer or on paper). I edit as I write, often typing things out then half deleting as I recraft the idea I am trying to get across. After I have my initial draft, I go back and re-examine. I look at grammar and syntax, to make sure it reads well (ie no errors). I also look at style, which sometimes supersedes grammar. If there is a fragmented sentence, it's probably meant to be like that in order to convey something. I also examine content, to make sure the piece is fleshed out and complete, sometimes fleshing areas out or scrapping parts that don't fit.

This process can take quite a while, depending on how much revision a piece goes through. Sometimes I only do one sweep where I work out any kinks, then call it quits. Sometimes it takes weeks. I go over it and make some changes, then see how it works. Go in again, change other things, or try something new if a change feels unsuccessful from the first time around. I will ask other people to read and comment, so I can take their thoughts into account as well--different people pick up on different things.

I come from a family of writers and editors, and have some education in those fields. I do think I have a better base than some, maybe even many people, but would never consider myself a master.

a reply to: Alexithymia

Well Alexithymia, I certainly appreciate you sharing it with me. Thank you.

a reply to: Aeshma

Hey, my pleasure. Maybe we can collaborate in the future

a reply to: Alexithymia

absolutely