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I'm 28 years old, I've never had a girlfriend or kissed anyone ever

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posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 11:08 AM
It's never too late. I'd really recommend speaking with someone, perhaps a school counselor depending on your situation. They may help you get a better handle on the whole thing and it sounds like you're feeling pretty down. I'd also suggest getting yourself out there, participate in as many groups and hobbies as you can, even if you're on the fence about how much fun you'll have. Best place to meet someone seems to be doing something you love. It also doesn't have to be doing something you love, just try new stuff.

Don't listen to anyone making fun of you, it's not that big of a deal if you're a virgin at 30. Please don't let it get you down.

You might try picking up a sport of getting into fitness if you're not already. It really helps build confidence, when you feel better about yourself, it really shows.

I don't think you're an idiot at all, or nearly as different as you might think. I really hope you start talking with someone, they can really help you stop being so down on yourself (which is more important than getting laid any day), which will in turn make it far easier to make the first move.

Do you feel like you clam up and get weird around women? Do you have female friends? I've known a few guys that get super shy around women, and it's sort of a vicious circle. You get shy, so you may have a bad interaction, which makes you more shy next time, and it repeats. You can totally break out of this cycle. I'm rooting for you!
edit on 1920151120151 by Domo1 because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 11:52 AM

Well I guess I'll have to die alone since basically nobody cares that I'm a alive, existing in a state out of don't know what to say.

I just wanted to address that point only, since a lot of people gave you real good advices.
Is not true that nobody cares about you.
Look only here, on ATS how many answered you and got involved. All you had to do is to reach out.
Is the same in real life. Reach out, make friends, share some of your life with other people and people will answer to you. Girls will notice you too. Just get out of your corner, the rest will happen naturally.
Just reach out. A smile, a common hobby, a friday movie, do something with someone. Start small then advance as you feel more confident.
People care and will care if you let them.
Good luck to you.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 12:04 PM
When I was younger I remember having similar problems to you, I was really hung up on kissing, I told myself I didn't know how and I was terrified of getting it wrong or being bad at it. I actually had one girl ask me out and I was blown away... She came to my parents house and we had a meal and went for a nice romantic walk, we stopped on a bench and this was the perfect moment to kiss and I just couldn't
I told her I didn't know how and it was a really awkward experience lol

Get this, I lost my virginity at 14 yet didn't kiss a girl until I was 16 haha... I had built up kissing as being this crazy obstacle... Eventually one day I was seeing a girl I really liked and finally just went for it and boom, the spell was broken and I now love kissing. It wasn't hard at all like I had imagined.

Imagination is part of your problem, you're running every scenario through your head and I'm sure mostly they are disaster scenarios lol... The reality is usually never as bad as our imagination.

The thing about being too nice is true, you just can't be too nice I'm afraid... I know it sucks but no matter what some women tell you it IS a big turn off for most. So is appearing desperate... Try to find an idgaf attitude! As others have said go talk to a few women and try to relax. When you get rejected (you will many times) just shrug it off, it's normal.

I wish you luck anyway bud, it's not nice feeling alone, even though I don't have many hang ups with women now I still go through quiet spells lol.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 12:12 PM
a reply to: anobody

Just live your life. The more you obsess over it, the more you're causing your own problem. Doing what you enjoy will bring you into contact with other people who enjoy the same things, but you've got to get yourself out there. Sitting in the basement playing Fallout 4 (or whatever it is Lysergic does
) won't get it done.

Be open, be friendly, be aware not everyone you encounter will be a prospective partner but everyone you encounter probably knows someone who could be. No one wants to introduce their friends to a mope. You don't have to go all baggy pants and seltzer. Introspective is ok, but tragic guy isn't optimal. Even then, there are people who gravitate to the forlorn, but that can be a toxic deal. I've seen enough of that to know how it ends.

Buck up, nobody's getting out alive, anyway.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 12:24 PM

originally posted by: whyamIhere
Buy a Hooker.

See what your missing. Your game will change.

Your not even thirty...I got socks older than you.

Get in the game....Lots of fat chicks wanting some love.

Time after time you seem to come off exactly with my thinking.
You do know that may not be a good thing?

Anyways OP if you follow Whys advice. A hooker can show
you a lot more than just sex. The average hooker is a fountain of
information on the opposite sex. If you ask they will be glad to clue
you in. The info alone would be worth it my friend. More than one
opinion at least two to be sure. Bring a condom, have fun my friend
The girls will make a pro out of you. My advice No 1 = CONFIDENCE
above all else then humor. Gets em everytime but be selective
about the humor. Not everything works.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 01:02 PM
Its all about the law of averages. You have to talk to lots of girls. Me and a roomatr would have a competition on who could get the most numbers on a day to day basis with a prize going to the winner. I couldnt get a gf to save my life but because i wanted to beat my roomate i would strike up conversations with all types of girls. It got to a point where denial was an everyday thing so i stopped being discouraged and went to the next girl. Try it and you will be surprised how many numbers you get. Being denied makes u lose confidence then snowballs to low self esteem. Ask everyone even girls your not attracted to. You know why?cause they have hot friends and your circles will start to get bigger. Your soulmate is out there you just gotta find her. I did and im ugly and broke and she is beautiful and amazing 2 yrs and going strong

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 01:04 PM
Yep, buy Fallout 4.

Failing that though, I've always been shy and self conscious, and it has always hurt my game with the ladies.

Just be open as best you can, and get out in public, not bars and crap, but social gatherings and events, Church, student gatherings, etc.

Youre still young enouhg to be more social than someone 10+ years older than you. Its hard to get back in that game once your mid to late 30s.

Use the time! Girls will come eventually, just stay away from the super social types with lots of guy friends.

In my experience I sat back and for a while only had these super outgoing girls date me and it was a nightmare for obvious reasons.
The thing that took me a while to figure out was, while I had a girls friend or two through the years I never picked them,they picked me out and used me up emotionally. As an introvert I hold things closely and view relationships as sacred and private. My exes tended to wear their hearts on their sleeves and were too close and comfortable with male friendships.

This is all just my unsolicited advice, your post reminds me of myself at 28, a mere 10 years ago.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 01:58 PM
a reply to: anobody

A lot of factors come into this and only be down to yourself to use your instincts to succeed

Physical attraction is very important (as shallow as it is). If you are very overweight, unhealthy etc etc, and you are trying to go for a the supermodel look, then you will have very little chance. This is just an example. So you need to weigh up what you look like and what the type you are going for is like and see if realistically if "you suit each other"

Tapping into peoples sense of humor is always a fantastic ice breaker and good way to build relationships with friends, work colleagues, customers, clients. Guess what???, works amazing for girls. Don't be too cheesy and be more witty if this suites your personality type.

Maybe look at your circle of friends, if you feel lonely and don't have many friends and more of a chill alone on the computer type, then try get out and look for a group of friends that share the same interest. You will naturally meet new people including potential suitor..

Women like to know they are safe and can be looked after, if you are inexperienced in certain areas it may cast doubt as to "how much of a man you are" . . Maybe look to get a sex buddy rather than a "relationship" save that until you have had more experience. Lots of girls enjoy no strings attached sex, especially with people they trust and wont go around speaking about them. I don't mean 1 night stands i mean a friend with benefits. the more comfortable they and you are, the more you both will want to experiment new things also.

Test close:
if you think you both get on and you tapped into her sense of humor and she is showing signs like, stroking hair, looking into your eyes, giving a lot of verbal nods and genuine smiles as you talk etc. (not all at the same time of course) then ask her like she is a friend if you want to link up one time next week. If she agrees to meet you outside of studies its a good sign.

Mature Women:
i personally find mature women age around 34-40 are easier to mutual have a good time together. Men peak around 17-22, women peak around 36-39 years old. You tend to get mature women who like innocent men and had enough of the other. maybe looks for older friend group to enable you to get opportunities to meet new people.

I think you should stop putting yourself down. You posted on ATS publicly to millions / billions of people your "personal problem" which can be a very embarrassing topic. You have a lot of confidence to do that in the first place. Give yourself credit and beilve yourself more

out of all the above i would say. . humor, group of friends, and beilve in yourself. the rest will come naturally.

please note this is all opinionated and i apologies of my views are not line with other ATS users. No harm intended in the slightest

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 02:08 PM
a reply to: anobody

Thought this was an old thread... There are a few people on ATS with your same situation...

1. Work out hard... that will help with confidence, and looks... all women like muscles, Even if they deny it they're actually lying...

2. try online dating... Lots of scum, but some genuine people there... Plus your situation might be something many people actually want...

3. Go out with friends, have fun... Don't stare at women when you hang out, its not attractive in the least

4. Don't give a F*** about what anyone might think of you... This shows your confident with yourself and how you look

5. Dress the part... Not much needs to be said about this...

Good luck

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 02:09 PM
Being an introvert, (initially) shy guy myself I see where you coming from. However, in my teenage years I attended dancing (latin/ballroom) classes, so I made contact with enough girls and even dated some.

In my twenties, I didn't do dancing-classes anymore, moved to a different town and some other stuff happened which all resulted in low self confidence. As a result, for years and years I hardly managed to socialize with anyone, let alone girls/women.

Looking back at that time I now know I over-analysed everything, taking the 'think before you talk' mantra to far. Being out of topics is merely the result of dismissing every thought for conversation as uninteresting for others. Endlessly considering how others might receive your part of the conversation freezes you up.

It wasn't until I lowered my guard before things got better. This wasn't easy and it took some time, but surely I learned how to be comfortable with myself without minding how others look at me. Soon enough I made some new friends and things turned around. It is in that period I met my wife to whom I'm married with for 15 years now.

Ironically enough I have much more contact with other women since I'm married, not because I'm an overly confident Don Juan (you still won't see me walking to a stranger starting up a conversation out of nothing), but simply because I'm being myself and that apparently shows.

I remember one girl in my teenage years I had an on-off relation with. After the 5th or 6th time we ended it (uhm, she ended it all the times), she told me she liked me more when we didn't have a relation, compared to the times we did have a relation. I guess I was always trying too hard to fit into a self-defined profile how I thought she wanted me to be. Big error! ;-)

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 02:46 PM
a reply to: Akragon

Thought this was an old thread... There are a few people on ATS with your same situation...

I wrote almost the same thread a few years ago in wich you took the time for some tips, when i was going through exactly the same stuff.

Not much has changed but i did climb out of a black hole i was in, i gotta say it gets easyier the older you get.

a reply to: anobody

You are not alone my brother , i hope you are able to get out of this situation.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 02:50 PM
a reply to: TheGreazel

Glad I could help...

I honestly think in this situation, the most relevant thing to keep in mind is #4

Don't give a F*** about what other people think... with that in mind confidence grows...

Why would anyone care what others think about them?

Many people are afraid of others opinions, but do they really matter?

Nope, not in the least.... Go out have fun and things will happen... people will judge you everywhere...

Laugh at them and be on your way

edit on 19-11-2015 by Akragon because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 03:15 PM
a reply to: anobody

If it upsets you, then be courageous and self assertive. You have nothing really to loose if you are polite and friendly.

If you are only concerned about societal 'norms' then it would not be true to yourself to pursue a relationship of that type.

Honestly, you are you, and perhaps you do not need to 'keep up appearances' if your heart does not lead you there.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 04:02 PM
a reply to: yeahright

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 04:06 PM

originally posted by: ElOmen

originally posted by: anobody
I'm not into prostitutes lol.

You dont wanna go down that road. Just lust no real love.

Oh god...

This is the exact kind of mentality that can build dysfunction. It makes sex look like it's some sort of massive deal that should only be taken seriously and involve two people that actually have a deep connection. The issue is, the vast majority of people on Earth do not believe this.

So when there is a shy girl or guy who really does experience their first time, they are overwhelmingly emotional towards the individual they experienced the event with, often becoming unhealthily infatuated with that individual. Yet the other individual did view it as a no-big-deal, just fun with another person, event, and in all likelihood had expressed that they didn't want a relationship out of this event. It happens all the time because of people, media, and stories that enforce this very incorrect concept about sex and love being some sort of intrinsic thing.

The fact is, Sex can be nothing more than a fun time. It often can be about love and a deep rooted connection to another individual. It can be violent and forced. It can be curiousity-only and have nothing to do with love, fun, or force at all. It can be consensual, and it can be perverse.

But, what it certainly is not, is an action based exclusively on love.

(for the OP's consideration)
Almost everyone here has been focusing on a heterosexual concept with your perceived issue. However, it may simply be that you're not a very sexual/social person naturally.

The problem with the society we live in (in regards to relationships), is that there used to be this mold that everyone was expected to conform to, or at the very least, naturally be within. Fortunately, we see that mold losing it's previously perceived absolutism. Homosexuality is becoming far more widely accepted and understood, as many other sexuality and sexual orientations are, too.

It could simply be that you're Asexual (meaning; you do not feel the need to have a sexual relationship with another person). There's nothing wrong with that at all, and it's a lot better of an orientation than it appears to be.

I have a friend who is Asexual. He has absolutely no sex drive at all, has never, nor ever feels the need to look at adult imagery, and views sex exclusively as an event in which to make children (and nothing else). He is married with 2 children, didn't have sex until he was married, but the only reason he is married at all is because he comes from an extremely religious family, and the views of society expect everyone to get married and have kids. So he did.

Now, I'm not saying that this orientation directly describes you, however, it is possibly that you feel the need to form a relationship simply because that is what is expected.

If you suspect it may be this reason (or something similar), I'd highly suggest taking a look at You'll find hundreds of individuals there who are shy, have relationship issues, have sexuality issues, and various other things that will be able to help you far greater, and in far more sympathy and knowledge than you'd receive here.

It's not that ATS isn't a great place to communicate with people, it's just that the Psychforums deals with these struggles exclusively, and is a great source of knowledge

edit on 19/11/15 by Ghost147 because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 04:13 PM
a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

Yeah, I guess I should've told him to get a hooker.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 04:56 PM
a reply to: Lysergic

Yes, that obviously would be the most morally sound advice.

That reminds me, once I was spending thanksgiving with a childhood friend it was a year ago infact, he lives in a multi million dollar home in the affluent part of Dallas, but boy is Charlie one crazy dude.

so I'm off in one of the bedrooms watching the game (football) and I go into the kitchen and as I pass by the living room there's Charlie and two Escorts, participating in certain activities, an Charlie just looks at me and says,"hey man do you want to join" now mind you these girls were not there thirty mins prior lol, I just looked at him shook my head laughed and told him," no man,you are participating in the degradation of society".

Then he told me," yea, whatever dude your a sell out man a sell out!" Anyway was a intresting thanksgiving. Picking up women, is not hard and you can do it without directly paying for sex, I guess in someways you pay either way dinner or what have you, Charlie told me" I pay them to leave Jared". He later got jacked for 400 dollars and was cussing the house and his prostitute habit it was rather entertaining.

With all that said I don't have a problem telling the guy to get quick sex but like I've said with a smile and some charm you can get that easily, however the sex trade is real and abused women or forced women is something I could never support even if there's a chance that is the case. OP Goto a bar buy some girls a drink be humorous even at the expense of yourself, or find a girl in one of your passions and fall in love with her. That's my two cents man, always get while the gettings good rock and roll brother.

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 05:06 PM
a reply to: anobody

Get a really cute puppy ?!

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 05:30 PM
a reply to: Layaly
Yes because really cute puppies will solve this guys sexual and sensual needs, maybe he should get a friend like in this song, it seems like they figured out how to solve this problem

Disclaimer: Explicit and silly ^

posted on Nov, 19 2015 @ 05:35 PM

originally posted by: Layaly
a reply to: anobody

Get a really cute puppy ?!

He's right actually

Shows a sensitive side in a guy

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