a reply to: anobody
Before I offer any advice, let me tell you a little about my situation, so that you know where I am coming from.
I am thirty years old, and have, over the years, had six sexual partners. I also have a child of ten years old, who lives with his mother and her
husband. Now, I am sure that you might think, given that information alone, that I am some sort of manwhore. I am not. Things have simply worked out
poorly for me, where the ladies are concerned. My first girlfriend tore me apart on the inside, serial cheating being the foremost of the tools she
used to complete my emotional vivisection.
My second is the mother of my child, and we were engaged to be married. Unfortunately, her family poured poison in her ear about me, poison which she
allowed to colour her opinion of me, which lead to the catastrophic collapse of our relationship, which in turn caused me to have a nervous breakdown,
bordering on a psychotic break. Years of anguish followed.
The third ceased her association with me after a short dalliance, declaring that she could no longer continue to be with me, because she had sobered
up, by which it was meant that no one would be dating me if they could see straight. Classy lady.
The fourth was a lady from up North, with whom I had been communicating via the internet for some time. She got back with an ex of hers, citing the
remote nature of our relationship as cause for her to seek more local companionship.
The fifth was a lady from closer to home, who had the same issue regardless of our closer proximity to one another.
The sixth... The sixth was the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on, physically at least. It took five years for me to learn that she was also
rotten to the core, which she proved to me by choosing to spend her time with a convicted possessor of indecent images of children, rather than
spending it with me. Again, crushed by circumstances unforeseen, and unforeseeable.
What I am getting at, anobody, is that I have loved, and lost, and although the trite epithets and truisms oft applied to that situation might well
suggest otherwise, if I could take back every wasted kiss, every stolen heartbeat of my time, every ounce of the emotion I have misspent in my life,
then I would. It most certainly is NOT better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. It is a source of aggravation to me that
circumstances have lead me to ever have to enter into more than one relationship. All I wanted, ever since I was cognitively capable of considering
the possibility, was to fall in love, once and for ever, to marry, have children, and live and love together in peace till time or tribulation ended
my mortal journey. I never wanted to play the field, never wanted to sew wild oats or any of that claptrap, locker room nonsense.
Life, my dear chap, has shown me that for all the romance in my soul, and all the best intentions in my heart, there is no place for a gentleman in
today's world, and that is never truer than in the realm of relationships. My path through that element of life has left me with but one positive, one
boon and ever present source of joy, and that is the existence of my son. If it were not for him, I would consider the entire exercise to have been
one in futility and sorrow, of no value what so ever, save to provide scars to remind me of my folly.
Now, I hope that you find what you are looking for, but I would caution you that it is not the case that getting a thing under ones belt will always
leave a positive feeling. It is VERY easy to get ones heart torn out and stamped on, so do not bemoan your lack of experience so thoughtlessly. In a
lot of ways, I consider you a fortunate man, to be able to enter into whatever relationship you might have in your future, never having been damaged
by previous experiences.
Best of luck old chap, and fear not. The march of years is not nearly as important as it might seem to be!