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originally posted by: angeldoll
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
Been there done that got the coffee mug. Just do it. Help her. Call them and say "can you take her to the doctor Thursday" can you take her some lunch Sunday. They will usually agree to a short term commitment.
So sorry. It's infuriating.
Oh, they love this one "if you can't help out can you help pay for someone to go in and help her?
originally posted by: TycoonBarnaby
If I read this correctly, not even your own husband is willing to help her? Have you brought this up with him? I obviously don't know any more details, but perhaps there is a reason behind this.
originally posted by: DAVID64
Don't be nice about it. Tell them "This is your Mom, get off your dead ass and help". If they give you excuses, tell them "She didn't make excuses not to take care of you". I've dealt with this crap before. Unless you tell'em like it is, they will continue to side step any responsibility and lay it all on you.
originally posted by: kosmicjack
Going through this in my own family. In town peeps won't do crap. Out of town peeps have to break their backs or raise hell. In the mean time the elderly spouse is exhausted and overwhelmed and the stroke victim needs TLC and some measure of dignity. It's sick and appalling that they have basically been abandoned by the kids they devoted their lives to.
I know it's hard to have to go to the nursing home, they're very depressing and in-home care has its own pitfalls but dang. Just help with cleaning or cooking or yard work or home repairs.
My other out of town relative gets real and flat out says everything we have to pay someone else to do is getting deducted from their meager inheritance. Then they show up.
originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
I sat in a room 1 year ago last August with the 3 adult children (53 and older) and spouse ( 95) of a well known female community member. Sadly, she had passed away that morning, having suffered 2 years with alzheimers. I was eager to assist whenver I could and often did.
The deceased woman was still in the bedroom and the coroner/sheriff was sitting in the room with us all, taking statements. The father, who just lost his wife of 75 years, was very emotional and I instinctively wraped my arms around him to comfort him and told him how very sorry I am for his loss. The daughter, sitting next to her sobbing father, look at me like I was without a clue. She leaned forward in her chair and literally yelled to all in the room to hear: "why are YOU sorry? I'm not sorry! I AM the one who had to take care of her. Now I don't have to!! I won't miss that at all!
You could have heard a pin dropp. I gave the father a pat of support and excused myself to the grieving family before I let the words fly. I wanted to smack ger face for her uncaring lack of humanity. I will never forget this experience.
It turned out that there was an investigation into the treatment of the mother who was deemed severly malnurished by the coroners report. The daughter was charged with elder abuse, rightfully so.
Wow. People are so very different in how they handle caring for people who are slated to die soon. It is so, so sad.
originally posted by: Night Star
Man, that breaks my heart. My Mom just passed away recently at the age of 92 and I helped her in any way that I could so she could stay at home and lead a relatively normal life. She died after her stroke, but there is no way I would have abandon her had she ended up surviving. There is no excuse for any family member not to help in any way that they can!