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Evolution Proven via Aunt Agatha and... Ralph.

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posted on Nov, 10 2015 @ 01:01 PM
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Johannesburg, SA - Scientists gathered around the skeletal remains of a middle aged female that was recently discovered in South Africa. And though she is now some two million years old, the opening statement declared; “She is undoubtedly our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, Aunt Agatha.”

Archaeologists further speculated that she might well be the long-sought after missing link between modern humans and a small monkey that first fell from the tree and then cursed its very existence. “No, she doesn’t look anything like us so, we are therefore convinced that, without a doubt, she is indeed a direct relation.”

On hand for the news conference were representatives of Irrational Geographic and The Royal Society of Old Bone Collectors. Speaking for the assembly of notables, a tuxedoed chimpanzee named Ralph was quoted as saying, “Oooo Ooo Ooo, Eeee Eeee Eeee, Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh.”

The speech inspired a standing ovation and the presentation of the prestigious Golden Femur Award, modeled after the bone used in the opening scene of the classic movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Ralph accepted it all quite graciously before taking the gold-clad bone and beating several of the scientists to bloody pulps.

Following the bludgeoning, one surviving academic stated that this was proof positive of the link between men and apes. With that, the chimp proved the point by finishing him off by splitting his skull.

Aunt Agatha’s remains will next travel to London, and then on to Washington, where on behalf of old dried up bones everywhere, Ralph will be the guest speaker to dignitaries of both nations... bone in hand.

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