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How do you personally deal with being angry?

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posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 08:33 AM
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a reply to: hutch622



Anyone know why she gets angry because i dont .


Try getting angry then you may get a taste of it. It can help clear the air having a heated discussion at times.

When I do get angry it is because there is some problem, either work to fix it or try to accept it and move on.




posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 10:11 AM
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originally posted by: kwakakev
a reply to: hutch622



Anyone know why she gets angry because i dont .


Try getting angry then you may get a taste of it. It can help clear the air having a heated discussion at times.

When I do get angry it is because there is some problem, either work to fix it or try to accept it and move on.


Most people cannot communicate respectfully and reasonably during heated arguments as it almost always degrades to blame and name-calling, thereby communication is lost.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 10:26 AM
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I don't feel a lot of pride in my tendency to remain cold and rational in some disputes.

I mean, in the moment, yeah, I feel like I was "superior"... I acted reasonably and intellectually,
while they acted irrationally and emotionally.

But it is always later, in retrospect, that I become aware of emotions I had been putting aside, detaching from, not identifying with in that moment... in other words, repressing them. In those times, it is later, once the person or situation is passed or gone, that I let them arise to consciousness and I realize - I was mad, I just was ignoring that feeling.

With time, I became aware (through monitoring my behavior, as well as observing that of others) that even when emotion is being repressed, the body conveys it in subtle ways which the other picks up on, more or less consciously.
Emotion is somewhat contagious.

This can result in the other persons feelings being intensified exactly as a result of my repression. Without being aware of it, I can be handing my emotions over to others to manifest and express. Which can cause them to seem extreme indeed, especially if they already had their hands full to begin with!

In the end, I still end up feeling like the one that "kept my head" and they, the ones that "lost it". Hell, some people love the experience of strong emotion, so are quite happy to fill their arms with more, so perhaps it is an implicit agreement on who will play "head" and who will play "heart".

Such is the nature of interactions sometimes (shrug), but that perception tends to unwind and destroy any self rightious superiority complex. Anyone who was the "black sheep" of their family (for most families have one - the one that acts out all the unexpressed tensions in the group) knows that taking on their trash they want to get rid of does them a favor and frees up their minds.

The person in front of me acting emotionally and irrationally, is doing me a favor, in fact, helping me to experience the more rational parts of myself that I wish to manifest.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 10:44 AM
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a reply to: Bluesma

I would not classify as governing one's emotions as taking a superior position, rather I see it as someone who has taken the steps to gain self-awareness and an understanding of what they want and need and have a specific goal during a discussion, to do just that, to help foster a calm, safe exchange between two people of in-depth communication and understanding, which does not exclude any emotions. Maybe that comes from being in long-term relationships where effective communication is learned, and/or perhaps it comes from self-awareness and a genuine desire to get to the root of the problem.


edit on 30-10-2015 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 12:22 PM
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originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Bluesma

I would not classify as governing one's emotions as taking a superior position, rather I see it as someone who has taken the steps to gain self-awareness and an understanding of what they want and need and have a specific goal during a discussion, to do just that, to help foster a calm, safe exchange between two people of in-depth communication and understanding, which does not exclude any emotions. Maybe that comes from being in long-term relationships where effective communication is learned, and/or perhaps it comes from self-awareness and a genuine desire to get to the root of the problem.



Okay, I hear ya. And there was a time I shared the same view. It is recently changing (though who knows, I may come back to that one eventually, I offer no guarantees).

See, questions arise for me now - like "self awareness" ... what exactly does that refer to (and not).

Is it solely what my mind recognizes as "self"? Every time I think I have percieved the limits of what or who I am, they recede even further. Self discovery seems to be an ever-ongoing process. The "oh wow's" keep coming!

But perhaps that is because I am less spiritually evolved than you, it is certainly possible. This may be a challenge you've processed beyond.

The question has risen for me in response to a latin culture, which values emotion highly - more so than my culture of origin. People generally trust emotion more, they like to exchange emotion more, they feel it is a more sincere way of relating, touching each other deeper. They feel the intellect is prone to being dishonest, to juggling language and concepts so that theory is far removed from practice, the self far from the shared world. Capable of rhetoric and manipulation, the intellect is seen as a suspicious culprit, always in need of the checking and balancing of the emotions, to keep it from getting "too big for it's britches".

This is strange to me... and I see it gives forth a tendancy not to have "lost control" when they are being emotional, but rather they chose it over the rational.
Hence the question of self control and knowledge. Of course, if someone who values intellectual exchange suddenly gets emotional, they are probably losing control and mastership of their self... we know that because they do not value that expression, they did not want to do it.
But for someone who values it, and prefers it ? We can't rightly say they lost any control (unless of course they get intellectual and emotion less, then we can say they lost control of their self, as it no longer manifests what they want to be and what they identify as "self").

And so we come to the part of our values on emotions, precisely "negative" ones. How can these latin types actually prefer that?? To have a hostile emotional exchange betwixt themselves, (which leads to no clear solutions or adjustments to the circumstances) ?

The revelation there is astonishing! That in tons of cases, conflicts were essentially about very basic needs for relationship and bonding, attention and signs of concern, trust, admiration...

That the rhetoric, the topics of conflicts are more like vehicles through which these essential needs can be addressed.

That's when you gets those "I don't understand, we have discussed this many times, we decided this would be done, why are we having to discuss it again? "

My husband and I have always just discussed and discussed using the correct techniques therapists teach... we had too many opportunities for misunderstanding to take any chances, with our obstacles in language and culture. And too much fear of conflict and abandonment, on my part, to let emotions have their say. They might mess things up (and god knows love is too fragile to handle things like anger or hostility).

The thing I observe here is that people will have an angry exchange, that somehow, instead of weakening the relationship, brings them into closer intimacy; that instead of forcing a change in one or the other, both retain their habits and behaviors, without further discomfort. A few angry words, each expressing their emotion, and then, it is over. No one enforced their will on the other. Yet, tension has been released and is no longer there.

I don't know. I observe also in some cultures that value more highly intellect over emotion, women are repressed, and emotional displays may be less often done, but when they are, they are more explosive and strong, than a culture that does them regularly and easily. Like instead of many people in a community having a few harsh words with each other regularly, you get one who shoots a bunch in one day. I can't help but question the wisdom of de-valuing emotion and emotional exchange as some sort of "lower" form of communication or of ourselves.

It's all just speculation and epxloration on my part though, subject to change as time goes on...



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 12:25 PM
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Embrace the anger use the anger turn to the dark side of the force feeeelll it's power.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 01:05 PM
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a reply to: Bluesma

My husband and I are both highly emotional and have very strong opinions at this later stage in life, so we have learned to navigate and control our emotions between us and our other family members and it has worked well for us.

I also observe, listening to others' heated arguments in my home from my adult children and their partners, that even when the communication seems to be heading to a resolution, the anger in the voices clearly indicates unresolved issues not being explored, or deliberately skirted, and then petty arguing ensues. This is why I think that it takes time to learn the art of listening and keep in check/deal with one's ego, among other factors which may be working against us.

If that style or navigation of discussion is working for all parties concerned, and issues are being resolved, then injecting emotions into the interaction is not digressing from the main goal, which should be the exchanging of information. Although it almost sounds as if the display of intense negative/angry emotions or the need of it being an integral part of one's communication style is something that should be explored; emotional control does not have to equal a non-caring state.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 02:38 PM
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I personally deal with anger by muffling it until I figure out the most benefiting way to utilize its energy.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 08:32 PM
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I am always struggling with anger. I tend to try to find alternative perspectives for why the situation feels personal, and realize it's actually not personal.

I sometimes invent a believable excuse and let it sink in. Say a jerk in traffic cuts me off, I tell myself "hey maybe he's on his way to his daughter's wedding or first baby being born".

I sometimes try to focus on that this negative energy is not my energy, and that I don't need to use it. Accepting things but not allowing them to control you is the ultimate goal.

I also try to remember a Buddhist saying that states emotions are like weather, just wait for it to pass.



posted on Oct, 30 2015 @ 08:47 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

I'm not allowed to get angry....I'm supposed to be a beacon of docility and rational thought all the time. People get mad at me and cuss me out if I get mad over something, but I end up listening to them complain and vent and rage whenever something bites their butt. It's unfair.

As a result, when I do finally flip my lid it's pretty terrible. I end up throwing back out everything I've had thrown at me for weeks, months, years or more but never properly addressed at the time. As a result, whomsoever gets caught in the crossfire of my rude and crude attitude has a hard time parsing out what I'm even upset about and how it applies to the current situation.

I'm entirely too passive most of the time, so when I flip my biscuit it's pretty awful...the result of holding in too much for too long.

No matter how much I rant and rave trying to get the anger out of my system and for the source of said anger to back down and leave me alone, I never mean any of the worst of what comes out of my mouth and brain....but there's always those types that will use that nasty stuff as ammunition against me and hold a grudge and continue to make my life hell weeks, months or years after my initial meltdown.

Lather, rinse, repeat.
It's a vicious cycle.

(It was one of those days for me as well.)


edit on 10/30/15 by GENERAL EYES because: formatting



posted on Oct, 31 2015 @ 02:46 AM
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a reply to: InTheLight

What's funny is that with us americans, when we refer to ego, we often are refering to emotional states.
That those are the movements and reflexes of the primal and inferior animal within, to transcend.


I am being exposed to a totally different thought, in which the ego is the mental forms and concepts about ourself in relation to others and the exterior - ego is what we think, not what we feel. That feelings and emotions (of all sorts, negative and positive) actually lead towards others, making possible things like empathy. Actually countering the ego, and it's closed limits, to reach beyond.

Linear language is the tool of the intellect - the best it can do is express what we think, about what we feel.
What we feel finds it's direct communication with others through things like body language.

No amount of "correct" dialogue (when you do this, I feel angry because I percieve...) will, on it's own, bring about a solution to the desire for entering into an empathic experience with others. The closest you can get is a mentally generated approximation of comprehension of what the other feels.

Is it the emotions or the intellect that searches to determine hierarchial position and jockey for the powerful superior role in the relations?

Is it the person who is yelling obscenities who is "egotistically" seeking to manipulate and dominate the other,
Or is it the placid word master juggling words with learned skill and strategy?

It seems to me either could be, but perhaps that depends upon the intent. Maybe each could be looking to have the other "join" them in their current state - to come to the same state of thought as themselves, or to come to the same state of emotion. Yelling will stir up emotional empathy, talking will stir up intellectual empathy.

I guess it might be a question of preference? I find emotions like anger, which I refrain from exchanging with others (like I do if I have the flu, assuming they don't wish to catch it too)

does have some benefits to me - it gets my blood pumping, my senses enhanced - I get physically active. I get my papers in order, or do an indepth cleaning of my house that I've been meaning to do for a while.
Not sure why I assume no one else finds that constructive and beneficial?



posted on Oct, 31 2015 @ 07:17 AM
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a reply to: Bluesma

So, are you saying you do not allow anger to well up, rather you allow other emotions such as passion and empathy to be a part of an animated exchange? I am not sure we are on the same page as I was referring to not allowing anger to take centre stage as a means of controlling someone (flipside; lack of control of oneself maybe to skirt issue?). Then I would have to agree that some times I am very emotionally animated with passion and/or empathy, but anger stems from a negative place and it shuts down communication, or escalates it into a nasty beast.

"Our review of recent research from the Affective Sciences shows that the duality of reason versus emotion that has been propagated for a long time is not reflected in the architecture of the brain and the functioning of the mind. Emotion and cognition are closely intertwined, complex human behaviour emerges from dynamic interactions between multiple processes and brain networks. Emotion determines how we perceive our world, how we remember it, and which decisions we take. Like any other complex system, emotion may go awry, as illustrated for example by exaggerated attentional bias to threat in anxiety [23] or preferential memory for negative events in depression [56]. However, when functioning normally, emotion should be considered as useful guide, far from being irrational, that helps us navigate our complex environment."

www.smw.ch...
edit on 31-10-2015 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 1 2015 @ 07:40 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

I have decades of anger inside me and I actually have a very bad temper that almost no one knows about because my threshold is very high. I'm angry but also incredibly patient with most things.

The two things that have been at the top of my list by a LONG shot for the past 20 years has been the gym and video games. I can't do without either, or else I'll be taking my anger out in other ways, which would certainly not be healthy.



posted on Nov, 2 2015 @ 04:42 AM
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Anger has been a major problem in my life. I come from a long line of angry men. Not particularly abusive, but short tempered to say the least. I often let it bottle up until I find myself in the safety of solitude, where I let it out in a fit of rage (often in my car). It's very hard to live with. Especially for those around me. I've struggled with it most of my life, to the point where it's engrained into the very essense of who I am. When I'm in those moments, when the rage builds up... It's like I'm not fully there. I give in, and something else takes over.



posted on Nov, 2 2015 @ 09:04 AM
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Buy an inflatable punching bag (Sams, BJs, Costco sell them cheap). When you're angry, take it out on that. It's good exercise and cathartic.



posted on Nov, 3 2015 @ 08:44 AM
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originally posted by: nonspecific
Being angry is a horrible state of mind to be in but it happens to us all at some point. It can be caused by pretty much anything from a serious situation to a silly and mundane matter.

Some like to shout and scream either at the world in general or unfortunatley at those around them. Some choose to seethe and grumble until some unfortunate soul asks "So what's up with you then?"

Some like to take it as part of life and just get on with it, others take it like a badge of honour as if feeling bad is part of there lot in life.

There are lots of ways of dealing with it but what is your particular take on this?

I am pretty angry right now so if I take your answer the wrong way well then....
Take a page out of my book, "keep the anger inside of you, this way no damage will manifest to the one you blindly want to assault NOR yourself." -Gyo01



posted on Nov, 3 2015 @ 08:54 AM
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a reply to: Gh0stwalker

I feel for you. Keep strong. I've been uncontrollably angry before as well. It takes strength to fight it and strength you do have. I know this because we talk today as free men...



posted on Nov, 3 2015 @ 09:54 AM
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After a number of years on ATS, I have noticed that a lot of members take out their anger in the forums.
They think it's hidden but it isn't. And they will even claim love and tolerance but that's just a lame
defense mechanism to keep from addressing their real problem.

Repressed anger can make you very ill or even kill you....


blogs.psychcentral.com...



posted on Nov, 3 2015 @ 10:00 AM
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For people who have anger issues, I wonder if this will be helpful?

From my observations of myself and others the thing that seems to trigger a lot of anger is being let down in some way by other people's behaviour.

It occurred to me that those who have the highest expectations of other people - let's be blunt, control issues - are the people who are angriest the most often.

Sometimes we have to accept that other people have their own agendas, their own way of doing things and their own priorities. They don't behave in ways designed to suit us but in ways according to their own standards and needs.

Lowering one's expectations of others can take a lot of frustrations out of life. I've seen my ex-employer apoplectic over some stupid little thing that someone said or did that didn't match her requirements, spending hours demanding an answer from me as to why some people have to behave or speak the way they do


I was already quite laid back, but seeing the state she used to work herself into made me even more so - after I'd got over having all her frustrations taken out on me...



posted on Nov, 3 2015 @ 10:13 AM
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originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Bluesma

So, are you saying you do not allow anger to well up, rather you allow other emotions such as passion and empathy to be a part of an animated exchange? I am not sure we are on the same page as I was referring to not allowing anger to take centre stage as a means of controlling someone .


Me? I think what I do is channel emotions through intellectualization. Adopting a detached and cold view upon issues, instead of a focus upon the people involved and my relationship with them. Taking a higher view, if you will, that allows for less stimulation of emotion.
This can be a problem when the whole reason for the others challenge or obstruction or whatever was motivated by a desire to "get a rise out of me" - to enter some sort of empathic connection. To have me focus on our relation to each other, what they mean to me, what I mean to them, beyond words. I just detach further, become colder and more distant in my discourse dispite their efforts. This sometimes causes them to get more and more emotional in their efforts.

I see people like me (saw one post it this morning in fact) describe the way this happens as I am just keeping my opinions to myself, staying out of silly discourse, bugging no one, and the loudmouth of the group will always zero in on me and try to provoke me.

I think, though it is easy to claim the attempts of such individuals are to dominate, I have seen many instances in which it turns out they wanted to pull me out of my introverted or thoughtful shell! It was provocation to join with the humans - more subtle emotional exchange in the room wasn't getting to me, so they try to make it stronger.
When younger, the girls I became best friends with, our relationship started with some sort of violent or hostile altercation! Like with one, I was sitting on the bus, and this girl behind me starts banging me on the head with a big book, making others laugh, until I finally blew up and turned around to get in a fight with her.

That day ended with her acting like we had had some sort of hilarious bonding moment and we were friends now. I was confused, but it worked. We became friends for a long time.

I still have this happen, I think. It seems absurd even to observers, that I will be quietly bothering no one and become the target of someone loud and emotional. The more I remain emotionless and reasonable, the worse it gets.
It is often that the person was interested in me for some reason (sometimes a man who finds me attractive, sometimes just fascinated because I am a foriegner and exotic to them) and wanted to get my attention and enter some sort of relation with me.


I don't really trust emotion, and find it complicates things (maybe I'm a typical Capricorn there!) so I prefer just not take focus which will stimulate production of them most of the time. But this observation of the relational dynamics has me wondering if - in avoiding strong emotional exchanges , I might be attracting and feeding into events of exactly that sort!




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