How do you personally deal with being angry?

a reply to: nonspecific

One word brother drugs lol.
But yeah drugs.

originally posted by: nonspecific


There are lots of ways of dealing with it but what is your particular take on this?

i believe in anger. it is a very honest and powerful feeling. when i'm angry i know exactly what i want to be different and sometimes i can harness that angry energy to set things as they have to be. most of the time acting immediately with the power of anger i have such a focus and resourcefulness that i manage to talk about my anger and the necessary changes in clean and effective communication.

sometimes i noticed myself not being able to deliver an effective shift carried by the power of anger and i ended up just in a scream or saying the f-word really loud which brings with it some distance to the problem.

but never do i carry anger longer than it's initial power because drawn out anger is set out to manipulate. manipulation is foul and mean. i'd rather hang my head in shame and retreat, accept being a looser for the time being - also knowing that life will present a similar challenge until i manage myself to a better satisfaction.

a reply to: nonspecific

My work makes me angry because it's stressful. So, nearly every shift.

Three 12-hour shifts per week. That's a lot of anger.

The first thing I do, I take myself away from the person/persons making me angry; it's also imperative that I am alone.

I'm a loner and I need lots and lots of alone time - far more than a normal bod.

When I get home, I need lots of downtime...chilling to asmr videos/audio.

I would say my life consists of me getting stressed, then working off that stress. The majority of my free time is spent de-stressing (exciting, I know).

I know I can be a bit snippy in some of my comments here, but don't take it seriously.

I never get angry posting comments; it's just a bit of throwaway fun, take it or leave it.

a reply to: nonspecific

I used to yell and throw things. Now I meditate on why I am agree until I feel like I can talk about it with a clear mind.

I still out of habit raise my voice at times but I have gotten better at catching myself before I get out of hand.

I use ATS to help me rant away my anger at times, I find it therapeutic as well.

Some people say let it go, but that doesn't work for me. So it's better for me to justify my anger by meditating on it. Sometimes we have a right to be angered at the world IMO. But we shouldn't react to our anger in a violent way because it never solves the problem and usually makes it worse.

I take a step back and stop myself from just 'reacting'. I have to determine what "I'm afraid of", how my 'ego' feels attacked - often, nay usually, it's because I'm not getting my way.

After that process (often just moments nowadays, but in the past - I had to just walk away) - I can begin to deal with the physical anxiety and tension by any one or more of the methods mentioned by others.

The key, for me, is to take a fully conscious breathe when I 'feel the reaction'.

The anger may hang around for a while but I'm not making it worse or digging the hole deeper by 'insisting' on being right or 'in charge' or whatever. I do take the 'event' into my nightly review and see ways to toughen up that 'ego' weakness'.

Anger destroys any attempt at productive communication.

Anger that encourages us to improve ourselves and the world around us can be very beneficial - but that isn't the type of 'seething' anger that is being talked about hear. That rage that totally shuts me into a cage and all I want to do is 'beat' or 'kill' whatever person or situation is triggering fear in me. Productive anger opens us up rather then shuts us down - productive anger isn't self-centered fear.

Walking is good, hiding for a cry works. Writting, not a method I use, many friends use that one and 'advise' me to give it a try. Just acting (mentally) with the knowledge that it's about my fears (98% of the time) not about the world and people around me - it's not personal - the world isn't trying to 'get' me (ego).

a reply to: nonspecific

I deal with it by isolating myself from the source of the anger (unless it's my computer, as I have to deal with that at work). If it's a person in the office, I just don't talk with them (they say you're not supposed to do that, but I've found it can be done without impacting your job).

Another thing that I do is I now have an electric violin with headphones, so on a nice day, you can usually find me hiding away in a small corner playing to my heart's content (if I had my own cube or office at work, I'd play in the office, as the electric violins are nearly silent with a white noise generator. In many ways, I'm glad I never dropped off playing an instrument: I'm in good spirits by the time my rehearsals and lessons are done.

The biggest one is: It's not worth it. If something or someone is getting you riled up to the point that your spitting venom or seeing red, it's time to rethink how to go about the problem, or remove yourself from it. I'm still in the process of eating my own advice.

-foss

For me, there are two primary forms of anger: Free-floating anger -- that which is nonspecific, and anger at somebody.

If I'm angry with somebody, I take them aside and attempt to discuss it. Not 'have it out', but discuss it without fanfare, just the two of us. 40 years ago, I had a little bit of a temper. Not so much now that I'm nearly 60. I can usually resolve the problem. Tip: Never try to reason with an intoxicated person. I also do the above if I think I've slighted someone; give them an opportunity to talk it over. Even when on rare occasion there is no resolution, it still usually feels settled to me. I dislike holding a grudge. If there are additional steps to be taken to settle the situation, at least I know I have given the person every opportunity to deal with it; then I can proceed as I need to.

Free-floating anger -- often related to world or local situations. This is not to be confused with general grumpiness or other man-funk. The latter are things that are solved by general introspection. With general anger, I try to identify the source and then decide whether it is something I can positively affect. Sometimes you have to let crap go. Sometimes you have a new project.

I have a homemade heavy bag. I think of it as part of my workout program, but just occasionally, it is my best friend that I pummel and kick with extreme abandon. That always makes things feel better, and there's something to be said for working a bag until your arms are quivering.

a reply to: nonspecific

I like that you say you turn to heavy music(or did do)

What music helped you at the time if I may ask?

at the time,slayer, pantera, down, acid bath, the melvins, soundgarden, alice in chains, soylent green, eyehategod, high on fire, nile,

I still love all of them, but i'm really getting into graveyard, witchcraft, electric wizard, uncle acid and the deadbeats. Sturgill simpson, Among hundreds more.

Try to stay away from people that don't want to hear You vent. Don't say anything until you've calmed down to the person your angry at. Medicate and do something else to get your mind off of it, Sometimes I wake up angry, I hate that.

a reply to: nonspecific

My wife once told me after a disagreement " you really piss me off " . When i asked her why her answer was " you never get angry " . So she gets angry because i don't get angry . I had to think about that for a very long time . Anyone know why she gets angry because i dont .

a reply to: nonspecific

If I can't hold it in or let it go, which I'm pretty good at, I say bad things that I almost inevitably regret later on. It's kind of a childish anger too. I really hate it.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Hunter S. Thompson


Actually i......


I play my Strat at bone crushing volume thru a Hiwatt

a reply to: nonspecific
1. Every now & then, I just get mad and react. Bad choice.

2. Sometimes I seethe over it, then walk away until I've calmed down. Better choice but not by much. My demeanor while being angered may effect those who aren't involved in the original situation. And animals seem to pick up on it instantly.

3. Sometimes I'll close my eyes, do a breath technique I developed, block off reality ("instant meditation"), and then remind myself that it's just a test. That usually helps to calm me down, compose my thoughts, and respond as if I have some sense lol. Much better choice.

4. I immediately eat fruit &/or sweets, which have an instant calming effect on me lol. This is my secret weapon to defeat issues that catch me off guard.

5. I go out into Nature, go on a long jog/walk, listen to some good music, or just say "screw it" and force myself to forget about it. Basically, these just take my mind away from the trigger until I can regain my senses.

Usually, patience is the best way to defeat our anger. Patience prevents the "anger feedback loop" that makes petty disagreements escalate into full blown fights.

a reply to: sweets777

Although drugs are good - they aren't for anger. They will just cover it over and let it hide until later down the line.

I tend to do two things- go out into nature, and scream and cry, first. I hope no one ever witnessed that, because it looks pretty crazy.

Then I write. I write and write and put thoughts into perceptive and organization.

I write as honestly as I can, about what I feel. Not "so-n-so is a jerk" but "when this person did this _______, I felt they had no respect or trust in me, and I felt hurt. " type of statements.

Once I have sufficiently worked down to exactly what I felt, and understood myself, that is when I go confront the situation head on, without planning. As long as I know where I stand and what exactly is bothering me, I can trust action and word to come forth from that.

So I am great at dealings when I can have the time for a delayed reaction. If I get in an argument with a loved one, for example, and can ask for a pause to do that before attempting to find solutions.

But in cases where immediate action and confrontation are necessary, I basically cry a lot. I have a lot of resistance to lashing out with aggressivity, and this causes me to turn it against myself instead, in more or less self destructive actions.

Getting angry serves no purpose. I confront the source of my frustration immediately using reasoning and discussion, however with some people who allow their emotions and egos to take centre stage (unchecked) this approach just seems to make them more angry, but I just remain calm and repeat my case then walk away.

I also have taken to making large print signs and posting them throughout my house to remind everyone to follow certain rules of the house, or else - the lectures will be forthcoming.

A lot of anger happens because there is a deep sense of unfairness.

a reply to: sweets777

Which drugs? Do you mean just weed or some kind of prescription drugs?

a reply to: nonspecific
I just say to myself........I don't need this S##t and walk away. There is a lot of stupid out there, and every once in a while, its me.

A long, very fast, walk will help to get a lot of the feelings out.

I never take my anger out on the wrong person, either. If I don't know how to deal with the right person or I don't have the guts to deal with them, then I need to think of a way to accept whatever happened and get over it.

I get very, very quiet when something is bothering me and find it a form of aggression when someone demands to know what's wrong. I'll tell all when I'm ready, not just to satisfy someone else's idle curiosity.

But, generally, I tend to take the 'last straw' approach to people. I'm extremely articulate when I'm angry enough to kick off and I like to be sure that someone deserves it if and when they eventually get it because there'll be no going back.