A conversation I had with myself

(Have no idea what to do with this, but just wanted some additional insight and/or commentary)

Sometimes I like to talk things out with myself. Not like full blown conversations, but if I'm thinking about something in particular I like to brainstorm...out loud.

This one is just something I was kind of curious about because I had read a survey which said that the average child receives a mobile phone at age seven. Yep, AGE-FREAKIN-SEVEN. source

Now, barring the "when I was seven" comments...I can understand to a degree. The majority of parents state that it's for security reasons, which I get. I get the concept. You want your child to be able to contact you in case emergencies, pretty standard stuff. Except for one little thing....

I'm sure we can all attest to the fact that teenagers seem to be prone to...well let's just say "less than responsible" behavior. This behavior is actually GOOD for our species as a whole, from an evolutionary standpoint at least. You see, propagation of the species as a whole is actually the driving imperative behind all that teenage risk taking. The young need to venture out away from the comfortable nest with reliable food and safety measures to a less secure environment(to seek mates), conquer some obstacles, and just generally grow as an individual. All the while, they need to feel secure and confident in their own ability to find a mate and overcome anything that may hinder their search. To gain that confidence, they will need to have first overcome obstacles and understand that they do have the ability to get through it on their own without having this "well momma feeds me" mentality.

I raised some baby ducklings not too long ago. My main concern for these ducks was that they would be able to survive in the wild on their own. Sure, I fed them, but I limited what I gave them. I wanted them to go out and search, because they need to know that I'm not always going to be able to take care of them...and it's the same with humans. I'm not saying starve your child, but it may be a good idea to limit your involvement, particularly in the teenage years(which many parents already do).

My question though....
Am I thinking too much on this or? Are we really so involved in protecting our own offspring that we completely cut out one of the huge factors behind the propagation of our species as a whole?

A2D

a reply to: Agree2Disagree

no, our job is to teach and guide. Sometimes they'll do something stupid and get themselves killed....but that's the nightmare we all have to face the possibility of if we have children.

My assumption: its unlikely, and the likelyhood of harming their lives by trying to stifle them (being a helicopter parent) supercedes it anyway.

a reply to: Agree2Disagree

I suffer the same dilemma. However after sometime I need to 'let go' and get on with my future. You can only do so much. Don't let guilt suck your life's source from you.

Your second last paragraph struck a chord with me as I raise poultry, chickens and geese. No matter what course of action we (my partner wife) take whether letting nature take it's course or hand rearing we lose chicks and goslings.

I felt like punching a fence post recently when we lost 5 goslings after letting mother nature take its course by letting the goose look after them. Goannas, snakes and a hawk did the job over 5 days.

Now today my 15 old daughter has been suspended from school after punching out her ex boyriend. I have 7 children. No problems with the others. Tragically, no matter how me or her mother try to guide her she suffers from anxiety and lashes out. Today her school counsellor revealed that my daughter wishes to commit suicide.

I dwell on the thought that I have failed in these cases but I haven't. I've done everything I could possibly do and I'll do more but I won't let guilt or anger twist my care or empathy. I have to get on with my life for the sake of others and myself.

To do this I disassociate my personal feelings with getting on with the job at hand. Privately I tell myself "you've done everything you could physically and mentally do." As BFT aluded to I can only guide but in the case of my 15 old I have to change tack and at this point in her precious life perhaps 'stifle' her interactions with those who make her depressed. (Her girl and boyfriends). Don't get me wrong here. My daughter and I are best mates (I love her dearly) but I have to stand up for her and not appear distracted by my inner feelings. I will save her in this period of her life. My feelings are secondary to her needs. Regardless of the outcome and any hurt I will keep these feelings to myself, sigh and then get on with life.

My kindest regards,

Bally. Hope this helps.

a reply to: bally001

All my sincerest wishes that your daughter turns a page in her life toward betterment. And best wishes for you and your family being her "somewhere to rest her head". Everyone needs that.

Blessings.