posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 01:58 PM
a reply to: QueenofWeird
Dear QueenofWeird - I understand your words all too well - to want to die but not want to take your life. You just want the pain and struggle to be
over. Right now you are in the pit that seems too high to crawl from, even if you had any scrap of leftover energy to do so. This is normal and just
know that you are experiencing depths of pain that no words can express. You are in the midst of the storm. But you will get through this. Even if
it’s a state of just enduring.
When it gets to be too much just let the feelings wash over you but don’t give them any power. What I mean is don’t think how “it’s too
much,” or, “I will never get through this”. Just take a deep breath and exist.
Yes - go for a walk. Get out and smell the trees and leaves and inhale the sharp fall air. Notice the frost on the leaves and the patterns on them.
Absorb the limbs of the trees and the shapes they create. Just soak into nature and let nature soak you in. This is the best advice (as someone else
recommended too) that I can give.
You lean towards Buddhism but may I suggest picturing Jesus lifting you in His arms and just holding you and giving you rest while He takes on all
your worries. I am praying for you. I believe our pets go to Heaven and your Mom and your cat are just on the other side. I know this is hard because
they are there and you are here and you can’t be away from this harsh world. But it is not your time yet. Just know what an incredible life you gave
your beloved cat and how much she adored you and was thankful for the life you gave her. And there is no being able to tell you the love your Mom
had/has for you - that love is energy and power and alive and it’s still with you - just in another form. You will see them again and when you do
this life will seem like just a dim memory, just a blip of time. Time is funny in that we experience it, but really it’s just a snap of the
fingers. Just keep telling yourself that in a week you will have a different handle on things, and after a few months again. And then in a year, etc
you will have grown so much and you will see things in a different light - not easier, but you will be more than you are now.
You can do this. All of us here on ATS are surrounding you and holding you - giving you our strength and comfort. You are not alone - ever. You can
always PM me if you need. Your Mom and cat love you so much and they can see the path your life shines with - step into the glow and make them proud
(as I know they are already).