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MOM: Are You A ‘Tough Mother’ Or Are You Raising A Wuss?

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posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 02:32 PM
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I apologize in advance to anyone I offend with my upcoming major snark... I just don't know any other way to make my point crystal clear. I have, however, put it in the Rant forum so that anyone so inclined may respond in kind. I won't even quote from the article, since the title pretty much says it all. Okay, here goes...

MOM: Are You A ‘Tough Mother’ Or Are You Raising A Wuss?

Really? Seriously??? Did he not think this through? Can anyone really be so clueless that they don't understand that only a pathetic WUSS would even ask such a question?

"Gosh darn it, Mommy, I want to be a man! May I please be a man, Mommy? Pretty pretty please with sugar on top?"

Will you cry and go pout in the corner if Mommy says no? Why not threaten to hold your breath too? Or have a kicking and screaming tantrum?

Dude, if you don't have what it takes to teach your boy to be a man, don't blame Mom... that's like blaming a farmer for not teaching him to be a lawyer. Instead of crying to Mommy like a widdle wuss, put your big boy boxers on and go whip other dads into shape. They're the problem and they're the solution.

I don't discount the role I played in raising my son to be a good man. I was -- and am -- a "tough" mom. But the best I could do is teach my son what kind of man not to be. My husband (and to a lesser extent, my dad and father-in-law and brothers) taught him to be a man. They were the role models. Not me.

Okay, snark off... it's your turn




posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 02:39 PM
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I see mom's smothering their sons all the time. It is doing your child a disservice.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 02:44 PM
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a reply to: Metallicus

I have seen it, but not often... and in such every instance, the Dad either passively allowed it or was nowhere to be found. So, sure, Mom can be part of the problem, but Dad is still the solution.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 03:04 PM
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a reply to: Boadicea

Okay I''l snark off then. I do agree with him to a point for sure. I raised 2 boys into men and they both are aggressive when needed,and the ones wife thanked me for making a wonderful man out of him. So I think I can talk with some kind of idea on this one.
In fact the writer does point out that there are other factors that influence boys while growing up,but his main point was on what mothers are doing with their sons. I was married to a guy that was wussified beyond belief due to his mother. His father stepped in a couple of times to try to straighten him out,but the mother would throw 'fainting' fits like she was an idiot. She acted like a total fool,and then tried to do the same to my youngest. I was like "oh I don't think so".]
My ex never got to make mud pies because his stupid mother didn't want him to get dirty? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? True story. I could not believe it when the whole family told me that. She buttoned his shirts for him before going to school even though he was in 3rd grade,the teacher tried to tell her she needed to let him do it,and she got smart with the teacher being a total bitch. While she was telling me this, she was quite proud of herself all those years later! I looked at her and said, maybe your son wouldn't be the way he is now if he had been made to do things for himself. She just looked at me like I was stupid and didn't understand.

Here was the end result of how she raised him:
He was 15 when he chased his sister around the house and yard while she was 6 months pregnant with her first child,trying TO STAB HER IN THE STOMACH. Luckily for my sister in law, a friend who was a football player and over 6' tall pulled up and saw what was happening,caught him and beat the # out of him for it. He asked my husband what the hell was he thinking? All my ex would say over and over again was " yeah it took a big guy like you to beat me up". That was by far more important in his head than the fact he was trying to hurt his sister. He never did apologize to her for it.

He got me down and kicked me with steel toed boots on because I was in his way of attacking the dog! Never did apologize for that one.
He attacked both of my sons when they got older and I had to jump in to stop it,getting my arm injured. Never apologized for that.
He finally stepped over the line one day with me and tried to punch me in the face. I turned and looked him in the eye and told him. "Go ahead and hit me or put your fist down. If you hit me,I will get out of prison in 7 years,you however will still be dead. Because one I start hitting today, I am not gong to stop you fool. I will keep hitting for all 17 years of bull# you have pulled on me and the kids. And I have NO intention of stopping until I have paid you back in full. Therefore you will be dead by then. So go on and hit me for the last time." Then I left him. He didn't have the guts to hit me then,he knew I meant every word of it. He never was one to have guts. Then he tried to tell his family that I up and left him for another guy. He wasn't man enough to tell them what all he had done. He never did apologize for that one,but I no longer cared.

He was confused that day,he didn't know how to get himself out of that situation. He had never been made to say he was sorry to anyone. Anything stupid did was alright with his mommy you see. So he never learned to say "I"m sorry,I shouldn't have done that". His loss. I don't loss sleep over him. He is now alone with his brother,and believe it or not,despite me 'supposedly' having another guy,he wanted to move in with me,because his brother set house rules down that he didn't want to have to follow. So after not calling my son to wish him a happy birthday,merry christmas or anything at all.He called asking if he could come live with US!! I was like,when hell freezes over sure. You see Satan ice skating start packing asshole.

It is one thing to love your kids.It is another to fail at your job as a parent and teach them the lessons they need to get along in their adult life. Part of that is teaching them to be good men and women. If someone is not up to that job,don't have kids. Pretty simple.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 03:10 PM
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My husband just made a couple good points -- sans snark -- that I thought I would share.

He agrees that mothers can be a problem; but he points out this has always been the case, and it has always been part of dad's job to balance mom's need to protect and nurture with dad's need to teach his son to be protector and provider, which means cutting mom's apron strings, and it's probably been that way forever.

Instead of acknowledging dad's responsibility, much less suggesting ways that dads can better deal with this, or helping moms understand how they can help or hinder that process, he chose to simply blame Mom.... like a wuss. (okay, that last part was mine)

Divide and conquer is alive and well. (that's me too)



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 03:23 PM
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a reply to: Dimithae

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I'm very happy you found the strength to put it behind you. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for what you accomplished for you and your boys under such horrible circumstances.

I think we can do better as a society, but only when everyone steps up to the plate and says, "How can I be part of the solution?" And then act accordingly. In your heart and your gut, I'm sure you had no choice.

When men feel in their heart and their guts that the solution begins with them, and they step up to the plate and say, "How can I be part of the solution?" instead of just blaming moms like this guy, fewer and fewer women and children will have to do what you did.

I'm Team Mom all the way, especially when dads aren't doing their jobs and trying to blame mom.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 03:44 PM
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Its depends on the age. a kid that doesnt get hugs or compassion from parents grew up to cold, detached individuals with the tendency to see the world as something bad, then the lone "wolfs" acts presume from their ideologies.

I think imo, kids should be given all the love and what not when they are about 10 yrs and below, after that, time to teach them how the tough the real life is.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 05:00 PM
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originally posted by: luciddream
Its depends on the age. a kid that doesnt get hugs or compassion from parents grew up to cold, detached individuals with the tendency to see the world as something bad, then the lone "wolfs" acts presume from their ideologies.

I think imo, kids should be given all the love and what not when they are about 10 yrs and below, after that, time to teach them how the tough the real life is.


I found that parenting is a balancing act. You love your kids always; the younger they are, the broader the security net you place beneath them... the older they are and the more they must interact with and deal with the world around them, the more you draw that security net in, and let them learn some lessons through living. What's that saying? "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." Sometimes -- many times -- the parent ends up learning something about life too.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 05:38 PM
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My wife and I have 2 kids.

A 2.5 year old girl and a 1 month old baby boy.

They will both be raised the same.

Have self respect, be kind, have unbreakable mental and emotional toughness, trained to defend themselves and others, a sense of honor and the FACT that nothing in this world is free. It must be earned.

To do this my wife and I must work together, not against each other.
edit on -05:00Sat, 24 Oct 2015 17:40:10 -0500201524America/Chicago2015-10-24T17:40:10-05:0031vx10 by projectvxn because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 06:05 PM
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originally posted by: projectvxn
My wife and I have 2 kids.

A 2.5 year old girl and a 1 month old baby boy.

They will both be raised the same.


I'm sure you will do just that in principle... or in spirit... and rightly so of course. But I have to smile... I have a son and a daughter too. I once thought the same. But in practice, you'll find some subtle differences and nuances that might surprise you (I was sometimes surprised at least!) and will have to think on your toes. Ahhhhh... the joys of parenthood!


To do this my wife and I must work together, not against each other.


Exactly... together... both mom and dad working together. In balance and harmony.

You are the man I spoke of in another comment. You know this the right thing to do in your heart and your gut, you know how to be part of the solution, and you act accordingly. You do not expect your wife to be a better man than you are, and then blame her when she's not and your son pays the price.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 08:28 PM
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Me crying.
Mom: Are you bleeding?
Me: No.
Mom: You want me to give you reason to cry?



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 09:42 PM
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I love intelligent wussy boys, like my 5, who are sensitive and yet speak up and don't jump to obey. And work hard to get them to care about others and not harm, though the youngest two fight. The second youngest, just started emerging with self control more and more, and its making a huge difference.

Not into militaristic, macho type raising of boys.

But keeping this short, just posted on this thread and it didn't go through and found I was logged off as well. Thought that was an odd glitch.



posted on Oct, 24 2015 @ 10:05 PM
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a reply to: Boadicea

Life experiences taught me how to be a man and what kind of man I am, not my parents.

IMO life experience is the dominant determining factor wether you're a grown man or not.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 02:56 AM
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originally posted by: threeeyesopen
a reply to: Boadicea

Life experiences taught me how to be a man and what kind of man I am, not my parents.


Hmmm... that's probably true for everyone to one extent or another. Good point. Would you agree, however, that your parents contributed to who you are? Even if they did so by showing you who you do not want to be?


IMO life experience is the dominant determining factor wether you're a grown man or not.


I think our experiences best serve to help us learn who we are, and help us grow and develop. What we learn from our folks may or may not be helpful. Ultimately, our answers and lessons will come from within. Parents can talk till they're blue in the face, but until we live it and prove or disprove it for ourselves, it's just words.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 03:00 AM
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originally posted by: skunkape23
Me crying.
Mom: Are you bleeding?
Me: No.
Mom: You want me to give you reason to cry?


LOL! I told my kids the same thing! They hated it. I think they hated it even more when I handed them a cup and told them to see if they could fill it up with their tears... They still remember that.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 03:25 AM
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originally posted by: Unity_99
I love intelligent wussy boys, like my 5, who are sensitive and yet speak up and don't jump to obey. And work hard to get them to care about others and not harm, though the youngest two fight. The second youngest, just started emerging with self control more and more, and its making a huge difference.


You've got quite a handful there... and I'm a little jealous! My husband and I really miss having kids in the house. Our neighbors have four boys between about 7 and 13 and we love hearing them playing outside. They all enjoy helping me in my gardens. And they're great little workers too. I pay them each $10 for an hour's work, and with their help I can accomplish more in an hour than I could do alone all weekend. I usually make them some brownies or cupcakes too, and I think they enjoy that more than the money!


Not into militaristic, macho type raising of boys.


I sure hope we're past thinking that being a "man" is anything more than being responsible, productive and taking care of yourself and your family. Even as someone who thinks that kids do best with a full-time at-home parent, full-time at-home dads can serve that function just as well as full-time at-home moms. (The author of the article may think differently though!)


But keeping this short, just posted on this thread and it didn't go through and found I was logged off as well. Thought that was an odd glitch.


That is odd. I haven't experienced that one on ATS before.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 03:45 AM
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Men of today are wussies. They buy in to pathetic body image messages from MSM. They shave their chests and use hair straighteners.

Modern man is embarrassing.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 06:12 AM
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a reply to: and14263

I know some men like that... they spend far more on clothes and personal hygeine than I do!

I tend to think of them more as vain than wussies though.



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 06:27 AM
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a reply to: Boadicea
Dads rarely ruin their children...Mothers on the other hand seem to revel in it at times. Its a crazy woman attention thing. They ruin you so you have to run back to them. My little bro and sister are an excellent case study



posted on Oct, 25 2015 @ 08:07 AM
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a reply to: odinsway


Dads rarely ruin their children...Mothers on the other hand seem to revel in it at times. Its a crazy woman attention thing. They ruin you so you have to run back to them. My little bro and sister are an excellent case study


Wow... you actually believe that, don't you?

Moms are just so evil and powerful? Especially your mom? And poor old dad. He was just so helpless and powerless and defenseless against all that evil maternal power?

And yet, somehow, you managed to escape her evil clutches and find all this wisdom, allowing you to judge every woman and mother by your own while giving every wuss -- oops! I mean man, of course -- a free pass for their obvious weakness. Wow. Just wow. You must be a very special snowflake.



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