Is unconditional love a thing to strive for?

Unconditional love is something that's pushed in Western culture as something positive to strive for but is it really a positive thing?

In case you don't believe that Western culture promotes unconditional love as a positive thing, check out the following song. I've heard it throughout my life, "unconditional love is the pinnacle" but I don't agree.


www.youtube.com...

My belief is that when one has unconditional love for another, they generally start to accept the other's faults. The scary thing is, in my experience you can start to love the other's faults as your unconditional love can get jumbled up. Then you can end up loving everything about the person including all of their shortcomings. That can include any proclivities they have to lie, cheat, steal and do any other awful thing imaginable.

I have a thread about such a situation in fictional form:

"Gone Girl" is an indictment of all humanity and it's not MGTOW

Even cold-blooded murder can be tolerated or even accepted in the throes of unconditional love. As can possibly every other crime and evil action.

I can already hear the arguments that will follow, "You love the person, but abhor their wrong actions." It's a nice theory but I've rarely seen anyone that could follow it in practice. Cognitive dissonance, denial, and lots of other human frailties too often get in the way. And what we're left with is people who don't "love the person and abhor their wrong actions", they end up loving the person while ignoring their wrong actions or worse...assimilating their wrong actions into themselves, becoming an accomplice or even a partner in crime with the one they have unconditional love for.

a reply to: Profusion

There is a difference between love and stupidity.

Unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional lack of necessary action or reaction "in the name of unconditional love".


As the old term in D&D went: Lawful Good does not mean Lawful Stupid or Lawful Suicidal.

Love is free, love makes us humans a rare thing, to learn to love yourself and others is a beautiful thing.

Unconditional love is an impossibility, the human mind will not allow it. To say you love someone unconditionally, you would be lying. "You are saying no matter what, I will love you." But when it comes down to it, I don't think anyone would be willing to test that.

It's a fine fairytale to chase, people are loosing faith in themselves and always looking for validation through feelings and emotions to drive them in the right direction.

a reply to: Profusion

The only living thing I've ever known to give me unconditional love has been my Puggle.



I don't believe humans are capable.

a reply to: Profusion

I have done a lot of learning in relationships. To me, unconditional love is accepting faults small and medium that you wouldn't have accepted before, while keeping a line that cannot be crossed.

The acceptance of crazy people, like in 'gone girl' is no longer love at all. I do not condone that.

I am what they call 'in game married', I married a player within game in the online game I play in September, 2014. He visited last month, in September 2015. We had both seen eachother on Skype and talked on the phone almost daily. Was he exactly what I expected, still? No. I probably wasn't exactly wheat he expected either. In the cold light of real life, if was probably different. But I found this better. I was in love with him, his personality and soul, beforehand.

If you are sane, you won;t accept horrible things. But, I believe I love him unconditionally, as I know none of those extreme conditions would be violated by him. It is sort of like FAITH.

We are making plans for either him to move here or me to move there. Rare luck, but we have been working on this over a year now.

originally posted by: PsychoEmperor
a reply to: Profusion

The only living thing I've ever known to give me unconditional love has been my Puggle.

I don't believe humans are capable.

Ohh, what a cutie!

Unconditional love means you will always love someone.

It does not mean you will approve of everything they do.

Parental love is the form of unconditional love most commonly experienced. And we all know that when a parent loves us unconditionally that does not prevent them from being highly critical of our behavior. In fact, their love demands it.

The same is true in other unconditional love situations.

I'm not sure unconditional love is something to strive for. It either comes or it doesn't. But I do think everyone should at some time in their lives experience unconditional love. Both giving it and getting it.

I don't believe "unconditional love" exists among humans. There are conditions under which I would stop loving a person in every relationship in my life. The love I feel for my mother (RIP) would be the closest to "unconditional", but if she killed my dog (for no reason), for example, I would stop loving even her.

If a person continues to love someone, regardless of what that person does, I don't think that's love. That's obsession or something. It shows a lack of respect and love for one's self.

a reply to: Profusion
I think stepping away from the conditioning of main stream music and movies would be a positive for you.

Citing Katy Perry and Hollywood movies, Gone Girl, as a basis for your hypothesis is rather telling.

Step back from the mainstream illusion and you may see things in a different light.

Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, but it doesn't mean you have to leave your brain at the door.

a reply to: Moresby

Great explanation.

a reply to: Profusion

It is absolutely the pinnacle of humanity in my view. The thing people forget is that yourself is included. If a person is hurting you with actions that directly affect you, it is not unloving to protect yourself by creating distance. There are people in my life who I no longer allow to contact me for those reasons. If I saw them broke down with a flat, I'd still pull over and see what I could do. If my bigot brother-in-law, who hates us with all of his biblical might, needed help with rent or his family would be homeless, I would see what I could do. Because I love him. We can't have him in our lives because he is toxic, twisted, and a bit evil, but I love him.

Unconditional love is simply that. It is removing your own prejudice and value systems when loving another person as long as it is not directly damaging you. Even then, you can still love at a distance.

When one begins to study NDE's, a remarkable pattern starts to emerge...

Many of them return with an identical message: the most important thing in life is love.

Love not only matters in this life but also in the next.

He asked me a question: "What did you do for your fellow man?" www.youtube.com...

Jesus asked: "Have you learned to love?" www.youtube.com...

"It was ALL about the love..." www.youtube.com...

"Have you ever loved the way youve been loved here?" www.youtube.com...

"The message I brought back from my nde, or near death experience, was to love myself and others unconditionally." www.youtube.com...

He saw himself standing before God’s judgment throne and he could see Jesus looking at him as if to say, “How much love did I pour out on You? How much of it flowed out of you to others.”

www.sermoncentral.com...

a reply to: Profusion

I don't think you can strive for unconditional love... It is something that befalls you..or not. It is rare if two people love eachother unconditionally...

But I am not sure if unconditional love will tolerate a breach of trust.. or expectations...I dont think so..

a reply to: Profusion
That Katy Perry video is lovely, BTW. I had not seen it or heard the song. I divorced after almost 6 years, a long time ago. Probably not mature enough to communicate well, either of us, but it still would have been wrong. I wasn't happy.

I am learning skills now like 'not to go to bed angry' , whether on the net or irl. To talk things out right away, rather than let things fester. To make sure I say "I love you" more and to praise small things he does. That has caused him to do the same, or at the same time-- chicken? egg?

Unconditional love, to me, means..what I said before. Anything up to but not including 'gone girl' stuff, goes. You may still love that person, if they become insane, but that is the point to give them to the police or an insane asylum.

Unconditional love is not ignoring the faults, crimes, or addictions of others. Doing so or living in denial of such, is far from loving that person. Unconditional Love is loving the individual and helping them overcome those undesirables, so they can be the best that they can be, happily. If the individual is not open to correction, you still can openingly love them unconditionally afar. One day, they may recognize that their was no malice in your intent and recognize that you really do care and love them unconditionally.

Not sure if I phrased this understandingly, but I tried.

originally posted by: zatara
a reply to: Profusion

I don't think you can strive for unconditional love... It is something that befalls you..or not. It is rare if two people love eachother unconditionally...

But I am not sure if unconditional love will tolerate a breach of trust.. or expectations...I dont think so..

It would tolerate both. Especially expectations. A breach of trust..that would be an argument and a decision to believe it won't occur again. Like a 1-time cheating. I could overlook that, after making a huge fuss, believe me. And that would probably be for show, as I am pretty liberal that way. I would be more concerned by a secret or a covering up of the action.

originally posted by: CynConcepts
Unconditional love is not ignoring the faults, crimes, or addictions of others. Doing so or living in denial of such, is far from loving that person. Unconditional Love is loving the individual and helping them overcome those undesirables, so they can be the best that they can be, happily. If the individual is not open to correction, you still can openingly love them unconditionally afar. One day, they may recognize that their was no malice in your intent and recognize that you really do care and love them unconditionally.

Not sure if I phrased this understandingly, but I tried.

Crimes (large ones) and addictions, no. They can't be overlooked. Faults...you cannot fix all the faults. You are on a nowhere journey if you are trying to fix all of someone's faults. That NEVER comes to a good end. That is part of unconditional love, you accept some faults. You can make suggestions on some, but you can;t push. Don;t throw stones in the glass house love-nest, both will have faults and the throwing of stones causes bigger and bigger cracks.

originally posted by: Abysha
a reply to: Profusion
Unconditional love is simply that. It is removing your own prejudice and value systems when loving another person as long as it is not directly damaging you. Even then, you can still love at a distance.

That's the mafia code of ethics, is it not? "My husband steals for a living, so what? He treats myself and my children well. Who's to judge?"

originally posted by: stosh64
a reply to: Profusion
I think stepping away from the conditioning of main stream music and movies would be a positive for you.

Citing Katy Perry and Hollywood movies, Gone Girl, as a basis for your hypothesis is rather telling.

Step back from the mainstream illusion and you may see things in a different light.

Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, but it doesn't mean you have to leave your brain at the door.

I think the Katy Perry song is a perfect description of the Western culture paradigm concerning the concept of unconditional love.

I believe the film "Gone Girl" is a perfect representation of exactly what I was trying to convey:

*SPOILER ALERT*

Even cold-blooded murder can be tolerated or even accepted in the throes of unconditional love. As can possibly every other crime and evil action.

I was simply pointing to the film as a clear-cut illustration of how that works and how it can happen in real life. There are endless permutations of that in real life of course.

a reply to: Profusion

That would make a good premise for a paper on the film. I would never accept that, though I consider mself to be unconditionally in love. That would be based upon a reasonable expectation plus even a little more of what to expect starting from the relationship's becoming serious.