Depression And Anxiety Insights: Changing Lives

It's a difficult thing to deal with. Really, it is... sometimes I don't understand why most people aren't like this. It's all I've known since I was 12.

I'm not depressed. I have an anxiety "disorder" after my father passed away suddenly when I was 12. Since then my anxiety has had ups and downs and I have had spell(s) of depression. It's a very dark place to be. Perhaps mine was kind of PTSD... Who knows.

Most days i'm ok, but I have a constant voice in my head that won't allow me to enjoy some things at times. And there's times where i'm bad for weeks/months. Worrying everyday to the point of losing weight and just not living my life at all...

I went on pills recently... but it's hard to tell if they have worked. Because the nature of my anxiety is very up and down. I can be fine for LONG periods and eventually it calms down by itself. So I can't tell you if the pills have worked (I've been on them for about 2 months and i'm coming off them now) .... So far, so good. I'm doing well.

I've also experienced severe Derealization (similar to depersonlization) which I still feel at times of stress but at one point my live was a complete unreal haze for 5 months. It's such a surreal feeling to feel detached from the world and have everything around you look "strange" and not real.... You understand everything is real but it's a mental feeling that everything is just separate from you.... your mind is closed off.

It's also caused my migraines to change (I began getting retinal migraines after my anxiety peaked) but thank God I haven't had one in over a year - fingers crossed! And also, from googling, what appears to be partial-psychogenic seizures. intense deja vu, followed by strange thoughts in my head. If you're interested, you can google them. They are like epileptic seizures and can have varying degrees. But they are linked directly to stress. It only made mine worse until I understood what caused them, now they are gone... for 4 years

Hopefully things are improving.

PS. I currently feel like Im floating whilst sitting down typing this... Another symptom i've had for many years... And im not even anxious! The nature of the beast, ey?

Hope you're all doing well. Sorry for the ramble!

a reply to: MrConspiracy

You're the first person online or off that I've encountered who also gets retinal or ocular migraines in association with anxiety or depression other than myself, though I know it exists in the literature. It seems to not be mentioned much. They started about 7 years ago for me. Do you get scintillating scotomas with yours (fuzzy or snowy visual auras in your field of vision that last around 45 minutes) or just migraine pain in the eye? I get the former, thankfully without any pain usually. The first time that happened, boy did it freak me out. Thought I was having a stroke or transient ischemic attack or something.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well at this particular moment. I hear you on the intermittent and unpredictable nature of it all. Best of luck to yourself and everyone else experiencing such things.

Peace.

a reply to: AceWombat04
Make that 2 people. My husband does as well when he gets depressed or after a stressful event. He gets the auras with flashing lights and bursts of colors. I get migraines myself without auras but I have never made the connection to them being related to my anxiety, which exists more often than not.

a reply to: calstorm

Interesting! Maybe it happens more often than I've been led to suspect. The odds seem low two people would have the same manifestation/symptom constellation and be on ATS, unless it's fairly commonplace.

For me it's like a monochrome snow that gradually spreads over my field of vision from one eye to the other. I can't see at all as it happens. You can imagine how that would be freaky until I learned what it was lol. I was like, "Well... either I'm dying or I'm gonna be fine. Guess I'll find out shortly."

Peace.

originally posted by: AceWombat04
a reply to: MrConspiracy

You're the first person online or off that I've encountered who also gets retinal or ocular migraines in association with anxiety or depression other than myself, though I know it exists in the literature. It seems to not be mentioned much. They started about 7 years ago for me. Do you get scintillating scotomas with yours (fuzzy or snowy visual auras in your field of vision that last around 45 minutes) or just migraine pain in the eye? I get the former, thankfully without any pain usually. The first time that happened, boy did it freak me out. Thought I was having a stroke or transient ischemic attack or something.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well at this particular moment. I hear you on the intermittent and unpredictable nature of it all. Best of luck to yourself and everyone else experiencing such things.

Peace.

Thanks for the reply!

My migraines began around age 10/11 - Before my anxiety. These are migraine auras, basically scintillating scotomas. After my anxiety got really bad (2009/10) I began to get Retinal migraines which are completely different animal in many ways but are still part of the migraine "disease". Where migraines (with or without aura) are related to blood flow to the brain, Retinal migraines are to do with the blood flow to your eye, in which case, it only affects one eye. They can cause eye pain but mine rarely did/do instead I get this strange "event" where it's hazy, light, grey and stars. It's very strange... They happened right around the time my anxiety peaked and my Derealization began. Since my anxiety has controlled itself for a long period (mainly) they have worn off. So yeah, I honestly do think anxiety has triggered a change.

At times of stress though my normal migraines have got worse. I've never found a pattern or "trigger" they can happen multiple times in a week (sometimes 2 in a day) but most often once/twice every other month.

Anxiety is a terrible thing and thanks for your well wishes. Hope you're doing well. It's nice to talk about these things... in a strange way! Haha.

Highly Sensitive People. I am one as well. I can relate to what all of you have written in this heart-felt thread and know deeply of what you experience.

I'm including a few links I saved which may be of interest (?):

Creative Geniuses

and

Gene Variant

I began using Rhodiola Rosea Root Extract (produced by Bluebonnet, 250 mg. capsules from Vitacost) last month and I've found it to be quite useful since day one. I often take one twice a day instead of only once. I think I need more because of the severity level. I've noticed differences in my mate as well. I would love to be able to "vape" it.

Here's a good web page about this herb with comments of users at the bottom. It's stunning to me how many conditions this herb has been used for over thousands of years and I wish I'd heard about it decades ago:

Rhodiola Rosea

a reply to: OneBofmany

I began using Rhodiola because I saw your post last month and am quite amazed with it so far. I just posted a reply to this thread at the end but wanted to thank you personally for mentioning it.

"When we're kids, we're pressed to follow our parents' instructions (when we do so, we get rewarded (score!)). We're pressed to go outside. We're pressed to play with our friends, we're pressed to play tag and play by the rules. We're pressed to go to bed on time!" True words! Seasonal depression used to get defeated by seasonal physical works like harvesting, preparing the firewood etc. Today we have to invent strategies to overcome depression (undepress.net...) and it's normal... Things change. Some of them change to the better

Saw this topic bumped. Interesting timing.

This thread contains a lot of good points and examples of why I think the way I do about mental illness and why I believe it's difficult for some to accept the notion not everything is a choice when it comes to one's own mind.

Peace.

Thanks for posting this thread.

I've been on anti anxiety drugs for the past 15 years, and below is my description of living with it:

Depression:

If you walk outside on a sunny day, it feels like the sun has been "turned down" like it's light and warmth isn't penetrating your body and mind.
If you hear people talking and laughing around you, they seem like they are at the end of a very long tunnel that is out of reach.
It's like clawing your way to the surface of a swimming pool but never quite reaching the surface.

Anxiety:

Just plain bloody awful.