Leave It Behind

"Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes real courage to forgive..." — Jigsaw.

Why is it that humans tend to hold grudges so easily? Most people like to think they are "above holding grudges" but it seems almost everyone holds some type of grudge at some point throughout their lives. Of course, the tendency to hold a grudge would depend on the level of severity that another organisation, team, family or individual has betrayed your trust, dominated you or mistreated you or your loved ones in the past.

Can grudges actually be released once they are formed? It would seem highly unlikely, unless there was a way to erase the negative memory associated with that party. Even if one forgives another party, they are unlikely to forget. Therefore, it appears that if you are unwilling to forget as well, then you are unlikely to truly forgive.

So what purpose does holding a grudge serve? Is it a defence mechanism to protect us from being burned again by the same party? After all, there can be a fine line between forgiving somebody that made a one-off mistake and mistrusting those who love to take advantage of others.

Other than that, grudges seem limited in their potential to help us. They wastes energy that could be better spent doing something productive. They makes us generally more sceptical and cynical. They make a dent in our spiritual evolution. They encourage us to live in the past. They limit the potential to form new and meaningful relationships with new people. Overall, they act as a thorn to our mental health.

Are you the type of person who holds grudges easily, or does it take astronomical circumstances for you to hold one?

I believe you can let something go, yet not forget about it. I am not going to try to be friends with someone that has done me wrong over and over. I can release the negativity such a person has made me feel but am not going to forget, just to get sucked into some more crap. I can even be cordial with such a person, but I would prefer to avoid them.
When I feel that I have a grudge against some one, I identify the negative energy, release it and move on, but not to be fooled again because the initial grudge feeling warned me of the persons potential ability to make me miserable.
Hope that makes sense.

Because it's usually about trust. When you trust in someone, and they violate that. It's a hard thing to forget.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

"....they make a dent in our spiritual evolution."

There, you brought it up, not me :-). THAT'S why we should forgive. It's that simple. It's bad for you, not to forgive. Forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs.

If you'd posted this thread in the faith and Religeon forum, you may then have been referred to an excellent source on "forgiveness".

"An unwillingness to forgive is like drinking poison, with the hope that it kills your enemy." Forgiving someone helps you.

Forgiveness is objective. Forgetting is subjective. Some people forget things easier than other people. Most people it seams don't remember the correct things, instead they hold on to and keep replaying the incorrect things. Me personally, I tend to remember good things, and forget bad things...regardless of the subject matter.

Forgiving is easier than forgetting. But forgetting is a lot easier, once you've forgiven.

a reply to: crappiekat

Maybe you are too trusting of humanity ? Trusting someone is being judgmental in a mild sort of way. You don't walk in their shoes. You really don't know deep inside what compels them. Many folks use the word "trust", then build up rules and constraints themselves, then complain when someone breaks those rules.

"Trust" is fine, but it's a two-way street, and both parties have to know the rules beforehand.

a reply to: Ignatian

Maybe you are too trusting of humanity ? Trusting someone is being judgmental in a mild sort of way. You don't walk in their shoes. You really don't know deep inside what compels them.

a reply to: Itisnowagain

The difference between us, and that snake, is that we never know if the one we're dealing with is venomous or not.

She knew the snake was poisonous. I had no clue beforehand that my ex-wife was.

But that's a great old story, often told when explaining to people the meaning of "sin."

a reply to: Ignatian

I consider myself a forgiving person. I will consider what's deep inside of you. Why you are the way you are. Why you do what you do.

But I will never fully trust you again. It's self perservation. It's a safety mechanism in our brains. Sometimes that little cog in our brains goes on overload, and then you can find it hard to trust anyone. Sometimes even yourself.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

I hold grudges easily I think. The only thing that works with me is time. After a while I forget the hurt. That's it for me when it comes to forgiveness. I can let things go, but only with time. And if you've hurt me, you wont get a second chance at my friendship, I wipe you.