am i right to actually hate my sister?

One more thought then I'll leave it. Have you considered that you inviting your sister to these events, then telling your Mother you invited her, in turn get's her hopes up only to be dashed when your sister doesn't show up isn't part of the issue here? You should know by experience she will flake out. Your Mother's expectations of your sister is set. You, by meddling in their relationship, is only adding more stress.

Make the time for you Mother, that is a nice thing to do. If she wants to ask your sister to come as well, she will. It is not your responsibility to be your sister's parent or handler. Be there for your Mother, like you do. That in the end is what is really important.

originally posted by: Baldryck


Make the time for you Mother, that is a nice thing to do. If she wants to ask your sister to come as well, she will.
It is not your responsibility to be your sister's parent or handler. Be there for your Mother, like you do. That in the end is what is really important.

That ^^^^ is the whole crux of the matter!!

We can only ever be responsible for our own relationships we cannot

tell others how to feel.

No one can ever know everything that goes on in another's relationships

whether you are related or not. So don't make assumptions.

a reply to: eletheia

Nah my family sucks no room for assumptions, my brother is a sociopath so is my father and very likely I was touched with a bit of that, my sister a reformed lesbian turned straight, though I am almost sure she did that for my fathers bible thumping ass. Meh I guess everyone really does get what they deserve in the end, the one I feel the worst for is my sweet mother who even the sound of her children's pain makes her shutter, so yea I can't force them #ers to be anyone they aren't how unfortunate, and no one can force me either. I just tell my mother I love her everyday and sometimes when I get drunk enough I call my brother and yell at him because he won't let his children see my mom because she has bi polar and according to him she doesn't believe in God hard enough and that's why she's effected, funny thing is he has sex with every stripper he can find and fratenizes with our family's employees and they they drive him home after being booted from the strip club and drag him to his door step and leave him there puking for his plastic (fake tits) religious wife to pick up in the morning. Yup your right can't change #, but man it would be nice to give these idiots a little bit every once and a while. Unfortunately punching my brother and beating him down in front of his wife doesn't seem to work. Do you have any suggestions?

a reply to: TechniXcality


I have no answers for you. But as I have gone through life I have

discovered that there is no such thing as *perfection.*

Most of the *perfect* families I have known have fallen by

the wayside ... and painful situations have been revealed in

families that have been unbelievable.


The *perfect family* outside of the Walton's does not exist!!


I have reached the conclusion that its not about the size of the

'cross' but how we bear that 'cross' that counts.

I am a firm believer in *Karma* I have seen it in action many

times, even many,many years later .... it does get each and every

one of us eventually .... if we deserve it.

a reply to: eletheia

I unloaded on you I apologize for that.. The truth is, I just don't care anymore I don't care about anything.

a reply to: TechniXcality


I really am sorry for what you are going through, ride with it ... and

be kind to yourself, and you will come out of it.

You are doing your best, and that counts for something.

You cannot control others behaviour, so don't try. Karma will come to

them, it might take a long time, and you may never know it or how it

comes about ... but without doubt it will.

Again be kind to yourself .... forgive yourself .... and you will come

out of the dark into sunshine.

a reply to: sparky31

Hating your sister because she didn't show up is far too harsh. Without hearing her side, it's impossible to know if she had good reasons or not. Maybe she did. A dinner out means someone has to pay. She could feel uncomfortable having someone else pay for her and her family. Her husband might not be comfortable with that. If that's the case, a meal at one of your homes would be one possible solution. Each family could cover the cost of the food they eat, which is far cheaper at home than in a restaurant. She also might not have the money to travel. Sometimes, the budget can be very tight. I'd love to see my extended family, but we can't afford the travel. It's not easy, but it happens.

There could be some other reasons as well. Something could have happened between your sister, or a member of her household, and your mother or someone else in that household, that makes your sister feel she isn't welcome. It is possible for this to happen, and you not be aware. Instead of becoming angry, try having a private talk with her, to see if you can work out the issue, whatever it is. It's also possible she simply doesn't want to bother. Some people are like that. I have a sibling who doesn't contact anyone unless he wants something from them. Literally, he contacts only to get someone to give him money, or take care of him.

So, best advice talk to her, and be civil and understanding, and see what you see.

I was thinking about this last night and how to get a laugh out of it make a life size cut out from the back of some wallpaper of your sister's size / and a photo blown up of her face .

glue it to some cardboard then throw a family party

And take plenty pictures of happy faces with the cut out

I think she will get the message then

a reply to: sparky31

Sounds like you've taken on the leadership roll with your siblings and now your mom since she's aging. First born? I think in most families that are at least semi-functional there needs to be someone who takes on this roll because you know what happens when there's too many chiefs. I bet your chosen profession is something that you're able to utilize these abilities. Some people are just natural born leaders and have the gifts of delegating, organizing and prioritizing.
Then your "good" sister seems like she has the gift to follow direction. Probably a people pleaser. The not so good sister, may feel like she doesn't measure up to you both. I'm guessing she is the least successful too. Being around her family may be a reminder of that. If any of tbat is true it may be egotistical but kind of sad too.
I would get together with her. Just the two of you and ask her if anythings wrong before addressing her absence from your moms life. If you were to personally attack her, it'd just create a greater riff. Just think of doing that for your mom. I'm an only child but do understand your anger being motivated by love for your mom. I imagine I'd feel the same. Good Luck and God bless!

It's OK