Seeing Red, A Friend, The Coward

I saw red last night at work after being punched kicked sctratched bit spat on and verbally abused for 6 hours.
I nearlly walked and told my su I was so close to walking out.
If it was a fella I would have lost it.
We all have a breaking point op even you but your pall does appear to have a low threshold.

a reply to: Elysian

On the one hand, I entirely agree with you, that the way your friends saw the event is skewed by a failure to understand the situation properly. You acted to prevent a friend getting damaged. That is laudable. You are not a coward. A coward would have seen the mist come down, and responded in kind.

On the other hand, some people can only fight when there is mist, because they are so starkly aware of how much danger they pose to others if they do make a move, that it takes a sudden change in neurochemistry to spur them into action despite that risk.

However, those people I have just mentioned, do not place themselves in scenarios where they might be forced to flip. Your friend did. Your friend is irresponsible, and needs to learn to control himself if he wishes to continue to spar. There is no excuse for having an anger management problem, and putting oneself in direct confrontation situations.

a reply to: Elysian

What did you expect would happen ?

My best friend and I spar bare knuckle and have broken each other's bones before, it hurts but we know what we are getting ourselves into..seems to me you were not prepared for what happened to you.

Maybe you should learn some techniques to restrain your opponent, or better avoid incoming attacks if you are trying to be a serious fighter.

Also you are lucky your friend can't control their anger..take it from someone who can channel it in a fight, it really numbs the pain and let's you push your limits.

In any case you should be careful who you pick fights with, someday you'll be forced to act on it rather than try to be the "good guy".

a reply to: Elysian

I think bare knuckle fighting is pathetic, violent, totally unnecessary. To me it is like some kind of animalistic atavism. Playing those games is playing with fire. I don't envy any of you people who have this brute need. How I cherish gentility wherever I can find it.

In Sport it is different. The objective is to score points and not to injure the respected opponent. I understand this and for sure it has its place. Boxing with gloves, fine, but not that horrible bare knuckle nonsense. It is a brute's game and will undoubtedly have negative psychological consequences that are likely to influence behaviour. I don't even like boxing anymore.

Not that I am a coward. I would turn the other cheek before even the nastiest, biggest, meanest person and that is the only silent response you would get with me, not even a knife, stick or gun. Words are my weapons.

Being stuck in any physically violent mode of behaviour would for me be like some brutal behavioural mud pit of darkness.

a reply to: Elysian

First, I would have to ask how old you and these friends are. This seems like immaturity more than anything--I knew plenty of them in high school and in the Army who would act this way, but have since (at least mostly) grown out of it.

But honestly, anyone who is a bystander yelling at someone and calling them a coward needs to be disregarded, because their opinions and taunts don't mean a damn thing. At the end of the day, just understand that you did the right thing, and in a few days, weeks, or months, things will calm down over this scenario and hopefully your actions will be accepted as having been the more mature.

If not...just rest easy knowing that you seem to have taken the high road, and that should be enough to maintain your pride in yourself.

Of course, there is always the reality that your intentions weren't matching your actions, but I see in some of the comments that you vigorously defend the point that you did not do anything but passive defense after the (un)lucky punch above the ear.

Don't know what to tell you, except that this type of stuff happens. I train in Krav Maga, and my most recent black eye just healed up from a couple weeks ago. It happens, except the majority of us who actually train (your wording implies that you do) know how to maintain our focus and keep our cool. Others don't always get that.

a reply to: Elysian

Get new friends. This time adult ones.

Maybe don't fight each other on the tennis courts?? Do you think you're in some kind of fight club?

Were there girls around you were trying to impress? Are you 14??

These questions all come to mind

a reply to: Elysian

You sound like a sensitive soul, I can understand that and I can appreciate your being open. I can't imagine it's easy living life surrounded by people who are always on offence. Having aggression in the home isn't a good start. Are you sure you fight for fun? Could it be that you fight because you feel angry? Or because it just feels like you fought your whole life and know no better way to vent? I mean no disrespect from that, merely provoking thought.

You have good friends nowadays, right? Or one, at the very least. He took a clump, lost his rag and then took your side. Sounds to me like he cares, even if he is hot headed. Perhaps you two should talk more after your bonding session.

I personally think maybe talking to a pro wouldn't hurt. It's not such a bad thing. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, it's just a chance to talk privately, in a safe environment. It may help to teach you something about yourself. You may be surprised.

It sounds like the weight you carry is not your own and your father may have something to do with that. What happened can't have been your fault, clearly you know that, but maybe Dad's words cut deeper than you thought. Perhaps you must forgive yourself for something before you worry about what others think of you.

I hadn't intended to bring anyone to tears, I apologise, but that may be a good thing.

I'm not a professional, but I'd suggest you try opening up to the people around you, or failing that, talking to a pro in private until you can do so.

I wish you the best of luck.

originally posted by: threeeyesopen
a reply to: Elysian

What did you expect would happen ?

My best friend and I spar bare knuckle and have broken each other's bones before, it hurts but we know what we are getting ourselves into..seems to me you were not prepared for what happened to you.

Maybe you should learn some techniques to restrain your opponent, or better avoid incoming attacks if you are trying to be a serious fighter.

Also you are lucky your friend can't control their anger..take it from someone who can channel it in a fight, it really numbs the pain and let's you push your limits.

In any case you should be careful who you pick fights with, someday you'll be forced to act on it rather than try to be the "good guy".

It helps to be physically capable
Im a whopping 140lbs

That being said if I ever have to take action it will be a seriously depressing day
If I lose, whatever I cant win them all
If I win, im going to be miserable for hurting someone

originally posted by: Revolution9
a reply to: Elysian

I think bare knuckle fighting is pathetic, violent, totally unnecessary. To me it is like some kind of animalistic atavism. Playing those games is playing with fire. I don't envy any of you people who have this brute need. How I cherish gentility wherever I can find it.

In Sport it is different. The objective is to score points and not to injure the respected opponent. I understand this and for sure it has its place. Boxing with gloves, fine, but not that horrible bare knuckle nonsense. It is a brute's game and will undoubtedly have negative psychological consequences that are likely to influence behaviour. I don't even like boxing anymore.

Not that I am a coward. I would turn the other cheek before even the nastiest, biggest, meanest person and that is the only silent response you would get with me, not even a knife, stick or gun. Words are my weapons.

Being stuck in any physically violent mode of behaviour would for me be like some brutal behavioural mud pit of darkness.

"It is better to be violent if there is violence in our heart, then to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence"

Ghandi

originally posted by: SlapMonkey
a reply to: Elysian

First, I would have to ask how old you and these friends are. This seems like immaturity more than anything--I knew plenty of them in high school and in the Army who would act this way, but have since (at least mostly) grown out of it.

But honestly, anyone who is a bystander yelling at someone and calling them a coward needs to be disregarded, because their opinions and taunts don't mean a damn thing. At the end of the day, just understand that you did the right thing, and in a few days, weeks, or months, things will calm down over this scenario and hopefully your actions will be accepted as having been the more mature.

If not...just rest easy knowing that you seem to have taken the high road, and that should be enough to maintain your pride in yourself.

Of course, there is always the reality that your intentions weren't matching your actions, but I see in some of the comments that you vigorously defend the point that you did not do anything but passive defense after the (un)lucky punch above the ear.

Don't know what to tell you, except that this type of stuff happens. I train in Krav Maga, and my most recent black eye just healed up from a couple weeks ago. It happens, except the majority of us who actually train (your wording implies that you do) know how to maintain our focus and keep our cool. Others don't always get that.

Did
Not do
I couldn't afford to continue going so I have to practice on my own when im not working
Personally krav maga is something I would be interested in
At least more then jiu jitsu or muay thai
Im not impressed with the practitioners ive met
But Krav Maga is uncharted territory for me

a reply to: Elysian

You should look into a reputable Krav school if you get the chance. Mine isn't super cheap ($125/month), but it also comes with free combative Jui Jitsu classes and "sticks" training, so in theory, you could go to the school 5 days per week, learn three different skills, and pay $125. It's not a bad deal, really.

But I know a cost like that can be hard to handle for some folks, so like I said, if you ever get the chance, seek out a reputable school and give it a looksee.

Just keep in mind that this system was created for military hand-to-hand combat and was meant to kill the opponent. The civilian version is toned down, of course, but many of the moves are still the same and have that potential. It's not a combat system that should be studied if you easily 'see red' at the first sign of aggression.

ETA: My instructor is in direct contact with and takes our training principles and methods straight from Ran Nakash. If you can find a good, high-quality video of Discovery's Fight Quest: Krav Maga, he's the guy training the military in Krav Maga. I've scoured YouTube, and the good-quality one that used to be available is no longer coming up