Seeing Red, A Friend, The Coward

I dont care who you are or what kind of background you have when it comes to brawls

If you're the kind of person who brags about seeing red, I have no respect for you.
I do not fear you
You have NO self control
And you lose sight of everything
You are so out of control that you do not even remember what happened

My Friend was no different
We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill
I could see it in his eyes and his face. He lost it.
When you see red you are no more then an animal
And the only thing that prevented ANYONE getting hurt was my rationality.

I stopped throwing punches
This wasnt a game anymore
This wasn't friends having fun
This was an animal on the attack
His technique was sloppy and wild
All I had to do was stick out my arm to block each incoming punch
At one point I had even palmed is face to hold him back
Covering his eyes
Not a single punch connected with me
But he was still advancing
Still on the assault

Meanwhile im fighting a mental battle with the instinct to defend myself, and the rational will to NOT hurt my FRIEND
Each swing left him wide open
Catch him at the end of the punch and trip him
Go straight in while he tries to follow up and go for his face
Kicking his knee
Kicking his genitals
It didn't matter
I was more then capable... of making things worse
I DID NOT WANT TO HURT MY FRIEND

I resisted the urge
And when it was finally over
(I had a less then graceful stumble that knocked us both down)
I was so pumped with adrenaline that it was difficult to stay calm
And I walked away
Only to be confronted by our other friends who immediately paint me as the bad guy
They were getting in my face condescending me
I asked them politely 3 times to give me some space so I can cool off
Did they? No, in fact they continued getting in my face
Pushing my buttons and intentionally aggravating me
But they also imply that I was a coward
"Ive never seen anyone run from him like that"

I snapped
Verbally
And they proceed to call me irrational for trying to stand up for my side of the story

Im a Coward?
For trying to protect a Friend?
Im irrational?
Because I didn't want anyone getting hurt?

I might be naive about society and social norms

But there is something severely damaged in your head, if protecting a Friend makes me an irrational Coward

It happens to the best of us.
My dad coached and trained me in Tae Kwon Do and Boxing from a very young age.
Controlling anger was an important part of training.
"The first one to get mad is the loser."

Sounds like you saw red too. Boys will be boys, we play rough. If you're gonna fight for fun, you gotta expect a few digs. I would suggest you didn't go as lightly as you thought, if you felt the need to throw kicks to the groin. Testosterone and bravado got the better of both of you. Shake hands and let it go. It's what guys do after stupid rucks with buddies. If you can't handle hurting each other, perhaps shadow boxing would be better.

a reply to: SlowNail

Oh yeah yeah why did I never see that before
What was I thinking
I hit him once with a lucky punch
He goes ape#
I willfully resist the urge to hit him
He keeps coming at me in a blind rage
But im OBVIOUSLY the one in a psychotic rage

Oh did I mention im transgender and I take estrogen pills and testosterone-inhibitors

-_-

Honestly learn to read
After the first hit I stopped fighting
I only tried to keep him from getting his hands on me

a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

That will happen. Don't box without a judge.

Social norms are irrelevant when dealing with the ego.

You left out the role of alcohol in this situation.

a reply to: Elysian

Well, this is obviously a hate crime then.

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

That will happen. Don't box without a judge.

Social norms are irrelevant when dealing with the ego.

You left out the role of alcohol in this situation.

No alcohol
And we were on a tennis court
Bare knuckle
I caught him above the ear

originally posted by: abe froman
a reply to: Elysian

Well, this is obviously a hate crime then.

Not likely
He doesn't know
As far as I know anyway

a reply to: Elysian

In your account, I see 4 hits from you, including your unlucky punch.

Is your friend on inhibitors too? If the answer is yes, you may have found the problem. If the answer is no, my testosterone comment stands.

Can you not be upfront and admit to yourself that you both deviated from the plan? Takes two to tango. You played your part, only question is how you're going to go about it after. Little tizzy worth losing a friend over? We've all been there mate. Dust yourself off.

originally posted by: SlowNail
a reply to: Elysian

In your account, I see 4 hits from you, including your unlucky punch.

Is your friend on inhibitors too? If the answer is yes, you may have found the problem. If the answer is no, my testosterone comment stands.

Can you not be upfront and admit to yourself that you both deviated from the plan? Takes two to tango. You played your part, only question is how you're going to go about it after. Little tizzy worth losing a friend over? We've all been there mate. Dust yourself off.

Your perception Is skewed
I noted the thoughts that ran through my mind
The options available to me
I did not act upon them

Its already resolved
We hugged it out
Im pissed because everyone else decided I was the villian in the situation and they all started talking down to me

My friend and I went for a walk away from everyone so we could cool off
Hes the one that got punched and hes the only one who was on my side

originally posted by: Elysian

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

I caught him above the ear

There is a red button in that area.
Hurts like a sumbitch to catch a knuckle in that area.

a reply to: Elysian

Ah, I see. You were just 'thinking' about all the dangerous things you could do to your friend. I apologise, I read that as having taken those actions.

Well, it sounds like you had a good bonding experience and you both walked away happy. Good days. Did you regain respect for your friend?

What's your issue if all is swell? That your friends saw you as the aggressor?

originally posted by: skunkape23

originally posted by: Elysian

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

I caught him above the ear

There is a red button in that area.
Hurts like a sumbitch to catch a knuckle in that area.

Ah... well now I know

originally posted by: Elysian

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

That will happen. Don't box without a judge.

Social norms are irrelevant when dealing with the ego.

You left out the role of alcohol in this situation.

No alcohol
And we were on a tennis court
Bare knuckle
I caught him above the ear

Sounds like an awkward situation.

You said you were "sparring"

Why?

originally posted by: SlowNail
a reply to: Elysian

Ah, I see. You were just 'thinking' about all the dangerous things you could do to your friend. I apologise, I read that as having taken those actions.

Well, it sounds like you had a good bonding experience and you both walked away happy. Good days. Did you regain respect for your friend?

What's your issue if all is swell? That your friends saw you as the aggressor?

Oh ive always respected him
That first part was a generic rant aimed at anyone who acts like seeing red is something to be admired for

Thats exactly my issue
But that goes deep into my past
Which isn't worth discussing unless you want to hear it
Its a rant of its own

originally posted by: rockintitz

originally posted by: Elysian

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: Elysian

My Friend was no different We were sparring , having fun , goofing off, until I got a lucky a hit and everything went down hill

That will happen. Don't box without a judge.

Social norms are irrelevant when dealing with the ego.

You left out the role of alcohol in this situation.

No alcohol
And we were on a tennis court
Bare knuckle
I caught him above the ear

Sounds like an awkward situation.

You said you were "sparring"

Why?

Boredom
I dont share an interest in traditional sports like baseball or football or tennis or golf

I prefer martial arts and specifically I prefer swordsmanship

He was the only person I know ever willing to actually spar with me
And I do say willing
Tennis with the others was always door number 2

Unlike when I wrestle my cousins out of boredom and there is literally nothing else to do

a reply to: Elysian

Sure, if you tell, I'll listen. I'm off to work soon, but I'll certainly check it out later.

As for your for your friends, it just sounds like an ego thing. Trust me, I know damaged egos, but we all know it passes. Eventually, they too will get over the bravado factor and accept you just didn't want to full on fight a friend. That being said, when fighting, especially bare knuckled on a tennis court, expect all involved to get hurt. Only takes one unlucky punch, clearly.

a reply to: SlowNail

It would have resolved itself naturally
But instead of giving me the breathing room I requested they all continued getting in my face


As for my past
Being the social outcast is basically cliche at this point
People could get away with hurting me simply because they were the majority and they played "witness" to each other when they were actually perpetrators themselves

The other kids would gang up on me, beat me up and when I went to teacher or school staff for help the group would either deny it as a whole or come up with some wild off the wall reason I.e "He stole my money" or "He was trying to kiss me and I said no"

And naturally
A majority of 8 outrules a minority of 1

It didnt end in grade school either
Junior year of high school my girlfriend at the time got me a dog collar
It was our harmless little thing, nothing crazy
The name calling was ignored
I had grown out of taking it personally ( at least for the time being) and then one day one particular group decided to assault me
I had to get stitches AND I was suspended for 2 weeks

People tell me to grow up
That the world is not out to get me

Rationally
Of course the world is not out to get me
But it FEELS that way when you get punished because other people lie
When throughout your life
People hurt you
Take advantage of you
Blame you
Ostracize you
How can you not feel like the world hates you
People wonder why I hide in the corner with my laptop listening to music?

Its so you can forget im there
So you can forget that I exist
So that you dont hurt me, physically, mentally or emotionally

I know
Boo hoo how sad grow up

Im not asking for pity
Im not asking for sympathy

I am asking
To be understood

I honestly believe with every fiber of my being that I will go unloved
Because everyone I meet uses and takes advantage of me
And this rant is going to far as is
Ill stop there

Edit:
Hell the whole reason I was kicked out at 20 was because my Dad was yelling at me and blaming me for my Mom's cancer 6 years prior
I told him to # off
He got up to beat me (his usual response to me opposing him in anyway, but this was different because it was my first time cussing at my parents)
I defended myself when he tried to attack me
And they called the cops on me
They called me Evil
They called me the Devil
Specifically "I raised the #ing Devil"
And when things calmed down they insisted that "I" neede psychiatric help

Ive never broken rules
I've never gone out of my way to hurt anyone
I didnt even lose my virginity until January this year

Everyone has hurt me in some form or another
Im the one who needs a psychiatrist?
You're the ones abusing me
Maybe you need anti-psychotics


However
I need to find my ability to forgive them
They are at least trying to reconnect with me
And now im crying
Great
Just great

Some of my best friends, my brother included, have at some point or another beaten the crap out of each other.
Male bonding.

originally posted by: skunkape23
Some of my best friends, my brother included, have at some point or another beaten the crap out of each other.
Male bonding.

Well transgender
But thats a need to know basis out in society