Like someone said above, I think you should step aside and let the father and daughter solve their own problems. Your interference it's only make
You don't love your step daughter; not that I blame you for that, but being so you will never be able to see the situation as it is. Your are partial
and resentful toward her, and very controlling of your husband.
So in one hand we have a daughter (as immature and spoiled as she is) who can never reach to her father only through you and your righteousness
filters, and a step mother always annoyed and having her peace disturbed by a step daughter she despise. This situation is going on for so long that
no wonder there is so much hate and resentment and hard feelings.
Think about this: would you allow a stranger to give you permission every time you need your father? And to forbid your relationship with him if you
don't seem worthy enough? Would you allow a stranger to interfere between you and your children? I don't think so, so why are you doing this to
Let them sort it out between themselves; they are father and daughter. You have no right to judge if she deserves to see him or not. He must do that,
as a father.
If he doesn't want her there, let him close that door. Stop being so protective of him, he is a mature man and must deal with his problems; and one of
his problems is a daughter craving love and attention from him. You being in the middle of all this only gives them both an excuse to not take
responsibility for this situation: she blames you while he trust you for taking care of it in his place. Can't you see how you only make it worse?
It will never end this way, as you can see so far.
Or you can end it now by stepping aside, putting them face to face and let them make it or break it between them. And whatever they decide to do,
respect that and stay out of it.
Is the only way in my opinion.
ETA: My impression was formed from the first posts and so my answer; since then you added some more things which somehow contradict those first posts.
Whatever, I still stand by what I said, that you are only making things worse by interfering.
My life partner is also a step father to my boys; their father died when they were big enough to not accept any other father in his place. But their
relationship is as good and respectful as it can be; and this is because the rules were always clear for all of them from the beginning. My partner
also tried to step in at first, but I explained to him that whatever comes from me it will be ok, cause I'm their mother, whatever comes from him they
will hate him because he's a stranger. So I never let him solve my problems with my kids, and I never let them blame him for something I decided.
I worked hard for this because I love them all, and I will never have my partner talk about my kids the way you talk about your step daughter, no
matter what, or my kids disrespecting or hate him. I knew that if it will come to this I will break the relationship. And six years later, my older
son is living by himself already, and the younger one is almost 18 yo, but they love and respect and appreciate each other.
In your case you all played this game of jealousy and competition for way too long,( yes, you too
) but you can still end your part in it by
stepping aside. There is nothing for you to lose anymore.
edit on 14-10-2015 by WhiteHat because: (no reason given)