posted on Oct, 13 2015 @ 09:51 PM
For almost 30 years I bent over backward to get along with my stepdaughter. She was a "Daddy's girl" and never failed to try to take advantage of
that position. She has always been insanely jealous of her stepsisters' relationship with her father and now that insanity has transferred to any
female he pays to which he pays the slightest attention. Just a picture of him holding the newest baby girl in our family sent her into a week of
crying phone calls saying: "If you really loved me you wouldn't be holding other girls...." then, "Ha ha, you know I'm kidding, right? You do
love me don't you?" This is a 45 year-old woman with a six year-old son!
She lives seven hours away from us so this isn't a day-to-day problem. Recently we went on vacation and made plans to spend an evening with her and
her son on our way home. My Beloved said that one evening was all he could take. When she whined and cried, he stood firm, telling her that she
could chose her favorite restaurant and we'd all have a nice dinner and visit----or we would head home without stopping to see her.
This follows an incident four years ago when he suffered a stroke and instead of calling him to see how he was doing, she called and screeched at him
because I had told her that we didn't need her help in dealing with the health issues. (She is an ICU nurse and should have known better than to add
stress to a survivor of a recent stroke. But she was drunker than a skunk and screaming at him so he ended the phone call.) For four years we've
been offering an invitation to meet up with her and the kid in a neutral place---somewhere we can walk away from if her drunken behavior gets out of
hand. For four years she's been saying that yes, she really wants to do that but never set a time. Thus our drive-by visit plans.
But our plans went awry when my Beloved had a health issue in the midst of our vacation and we returned home to see his doc. After we had been
assured that the issue wasn't terribly serious, I emailed her to let her know what had happened and why we wouldn't be able to keep our dinner date.
I also re-issued the invitation to meet within the next two weeks somewhere within easy driving of her home. She declined but upon learning that her
father is scheduled for major surgery in a week or so, she decided that it would be best if she came to our home with her totally UN-disciplined six
year-old son---to make sure her father gets "good care."
For almost 30 years I've put up with it, I've rearranged my life so hers would be easier. But when she disregarded the effect of her actions on her
father's health, all that came to a sudden stop. I'm so over caring about the feelings of a selfish, drunken brat. If she really wanted to see
her father she would have put forth the effort to accept our invitation to a paid-for vacation at the resort of her choice.
Upon receiving her email announcing her intentions, I hastened to write back to tell her that we weren't sure that the surgery would go as scheduled
due to the most recent issue. (It is the absolute truth, the doc won't know until he sees some test results later in the week.) I cautioned her not
to make any hard and fast plans and assured her that as we've been able to manage after all the sixteen surgeries he's had in the past, we see no
reason for needing help with this one.
Now she has enlisted the help of her aunt (my Beloved's sister) to try and pressure us into making her welcome in my home. The aunt knows very
little of the situation, mostly just the daughter's side of things. She called and asked if she and the daughter and grandson could come for a visit
the week following his surgery! I thought my head would explode!
I explained to her that stress is not the best thing for a surgery patient and having three extra people in the house the week after major surgery
would be a lot of stress for both of us. I suggested that she come prior to the surgery and explained that the daughter had ignored our invitations
for four years. I explained that our house isn't "child-proof" and a child without discipline in his life could make un-imagined havoc. (Even
though we haven't personally seen him in four years, those who have had that "pleasure" have reported back with tales of horror.)
Now it is up to me, the evil stepmother, to make sure that peace and happiness are the rule in my household and I feel as though I'm battling two
crazy women. The sister will be arriving later this week to spend some time with her brother before he has surgery. That's great with me, okay with
him. He is adamant that his daughter will not set foot in our home until she decides to apologize to me and to him and that such a meeting must take
place on neutral turf.
I just want a peaceful household and his choice---completely cut off all communications with her---would accomplish that. However, there is a deeply
held conviction in my heart that families should be able to work out their differences. I know in my heart that the reason he's suggesting this is
because he equates that phone call from his drunken, screaming daughter with the phone calls we used to get from her drunken, screaming
mother---blaming him for "ruining her life." He even said, "She's turned into her mother, if I had wanted to put up with that for the rest of my
life, I would have stayed with her."
But she's not her mother. That's what the angel on my shoulder keeps telling me. But then the devil on the other shoulder reminds me of the
history of this relationship.
I want to be able to devote my attention to helping my Beloved back to full health. I don't want to have to deal with his bratty daughter and her
demonic child. So I'm going to be the evil stepmother and absolutely decree that she will not be welcome. I'm through being manipulated and being
forced to divide my time and energy when I should be focusing on the most important person in my life.