Things the Movies have taught me

1. One man with a pistol will always win against a couple dozen men armed with machine guns

2. If there is a killer in the area a womans first reaction is to get naked.

3. If you are unarmed your enemies will not use their guns but wait patiently to fight you hand to hand one at a time.

4. If you are to be executed they will not shoot you on the spot but tie you up loosely and leave you alone in a room of mutant Hamsters and just assume you are dead.

5. If found covered in blood with a chain saw in your hands and a house full of corpses, "the werewolf done it" will satisfy the police.

6. The average pistol holds 500-600 rounds of ammo.

7. Being shot 6-7 times will sometimes slow down the hero, but he will be fine after wrapping the wounds in a rag.

8. Jumping from a 30 story building will not hurt you if you grab a few ledges and poles on the way down.

9. Anyone can fly a helicopter.

10. "They were vampires" is a widely accepted reason for driving stakes into 20 peoples hearts.

I will add more later.

Anyone else learn anything?

lol so true! Here are a few more

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.


ummm ok I cheated, I found them here
www.nostalgiacentral.com...

1
when the provernial biblical plague is released, the military will cease to listen to the scientists

2
being evil is futile; you will ALWAYS lose

3
the LAPD cant drive

4
terrorists are lazy and or extremely unlucky; theres always one man who is forgotten about, who just so happens to be the toughest mutha on the planet

5
being white, old and rich is NOT cool

6
Aliens are nearly always physically superior to man

7
Arnold Schwarznegger can fire unguided rockets with incredible accuracy after taking a only nanosecond to aim it

8
always cut the BLUE wire! or is it the green one...?

9
the police, feds, etc., are full of crooked cops/agents

10
every phone number in the USA starts with 555

1. the bad guys are notoriously bad shots....

2. if you are the hero, you can be in your car and get shot twenty times without any more than cosmetic damage to your car. However, you can usually destroy any vehicle with a single shot.

3. even if you have no parachute, you can usually survive jumping out of a plane by some extraordinary means (steering towards a plummetting helicopter or plane perhaps, and then pulling it up, or grabbing someone who HAS a parachute).

4. doors appear to be made mostly of balsa wood judging from how easily they are kicked open.

5. any seriously dangerous situation can always be assumed whenever you hear really suspenseful music.

6. as long as you can get someone to film a few scenes while playing a jazzy song in a montage, you can go from a novice to an expert in just about anything....

www.joslinhall.com...

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York are within the price range of most people, whether they are employed or not.

7. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

9. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will soon be thrown through it.

11. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

12. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say "Enter password now".

13. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.



I always got a kick out of these things, thanks for reminding me!!

Some more.

1. Whenever someone plans to jump through a window, it is never made of shatter resistant glass. It always breaks into a million pieces and never seriously cuts the jumper.

2. In a disaster movie such as The Day After Tommorrow, it's always too late for half the population already, write them off.

3. All explosions in space make really loud booms. Easily heard on all movies. Laser fire always make nice shooting sounds in space too.

4. Whenever a killer asteroid is heading towards the planet, a nuke or two will always blow it up or send it merrily away from the planet.

5. In the event there is an alien mothership ready to attack the Earth, a simple computer virus will completely disable all of the aliens shields enabling the world to defeat the aliens.

1. The blond bimbo is really intelligent.

2. The blonde bimbo is really stupid.

3. Only ex-supermodels see street racing.

4. Madonna is more than just a singer.... yea, whatever.

5. No one likes a grass... not even the cops.

6. The bigger, stronger, taller, armed man always loses.

7. James Bond only ages 5 years then he starts all over again.

8. The school nerd always becomes the hero. Even in American Pie 2.

9. All teenage house partys feature no teenagers.

10. It'll end in tears.

11. The short guy is always the funny guy. Except in Casino.

12. As long as theres a long running government conspricy you can get away with multipule murders and faking you're own death. Even when you work for the FBI.

13. You can survive anything.

14. The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window. Or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work. When you go to Church. When you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

15. As long as The Matrix exists, the human race will never be free.

16. You're going to help us, Mr. Anderson. Whether you want to or not.

17. All Dino science people are wrong, raptors are really six feet tall.

18. Despite space being a vacuum space ship can catch fire.

Thats all.



Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.......



[edit on 3-1-2005 by shorty]

[edit on 3-1-2005 by shorty]

[edit on 3-1-2005 by shorty]

[edit on 3-1-2005 by shorty]

- The good guys always win even if everyone but one person dies.

- The last solution in sci-fi movies is always to detonate the ships core

- A normal person can jump stupid distances if he or she needs to get onto a leaving helicopter/dropship


and my favourite

- The hero never goes to the toilet

[edit on 3-1-2005 by UK Wizard]

-No one ever uses restrooms.
- If you thought there was no way for him to survive, wrong they always come back.
- People always go up against large scary mutant creatures without brining in the millitary.
- One missile always destroys the bad guy's ship
- In westerns it is customary to not speak for 20 minutes when you first see one.
- Good samurai never die, they always manage to defeat the bad guy
- In westerns no one bathes.

Heres some more

1. If attacked a Space ships computers will explode

2. A ship traveling faster than light can shot another ship traveling faster than light with a laser beam that travels the speed of light.

3. You can hear the Whoosh of a star ship as it flys by.

4. There is no greater turn on to a woman than knowing half the campers have been killed by a chainsaw weilding maniac.

5. A karate chop to the side of the neck will knock out any opponent for hours

6. NEVER have sex when the scary music is on.

7. If there are vampires around shoot your best friend they are going to get him and use him to trap you anyway

8. One sheet of glass will hold off thousands of zombies that can turn over a bus

9. NEVER beam down with Kirk, Spock and Bones.

10. Every alien in the universe speaks English

1) ALWAYS take a shower when a phsyco is chacing you (you dont want him to think you're a dirty lil girl right ? )

2) When you escape from a bunch of werewolves whomever escapes with you is one of them !!

3) Whenever Freddy comes in my dreams ALL my friends and family will die before i do.

4) The cute looking guy is always taken... but no worries ...in the end he will leave his Top Model looking girlfriend because he found out that its the "inner beauty" that counts

1. You can kill a huge grizzly with a stick.
2. Whenever you fall off a building you will land in a dumpster full of bags.
3. You can hack computers in seconds.
4. You can fall and not get hurt.
5. You can be shot multiple times and still live.
6. You always have a paragraph to say before you die.
7. In westerns the brandy is really tea (fact).
8. You can stop a bullet with a peice of metal.
9. You can bipass security in minutes.
10. Stand 10 feet near a tornado and not have a scratch.
11. You will always our run a fast dog.

hehehe, these are great. So true, too.

*Power-to-weight ratios, engine performance and handling dynamics DO NOT apply when the car is being driven by the 'Hero'...they could be in a Lada Samara and still be able to evade OR catch the baddies driving the fine-tuned Benz AMG-55s or Ferraris.

*No matter what car you drive...YOU NEED NAAAAWWWWWSSSSSS!!!! The big ones! Two of them! And you need them by tonight!

*You can crash into a brickwall, powerpole, parked vehicle or any other solid structure at fullspeed WITHOUT wearing a seatbelt and suffer little more than slight disorientation for a few seconds.

*No one EVER shoots the unconscious/dead bad guy in the forehead numerous times to make sure the f**ker IS dead before turning their back to them.

*White people don't take the not-so-subtle hints to get the f**k out of Haunted Houses...and wait till headless beings and blood-spewing maggots infest their fridge, their kids get swallowed by the TV and the walls start morphing into demonic faces before they contemplate the possibility remaining in the house is NOT such a good idea.

*The lil motorcross bike ridden by the young John Conner in Terminator 2 was a special version equipt with 465,568,478 gears...

11
if your hispanic and live in california, you are automatically employed in the drug trade

12
English, Australian, and New Zealanders ALL have the same accents!

13
German Terrorists are always led by an English guy

14
if a bomb explodes, and the blast sends you flying into a car, always land on the windscreen; it will break, but you will be fine!

15
if you are italian and live in New York, you are automatically employed in the Mafia

16
everyone from hong kong knows kung fu

17
theres always one hostage who tries to negotiate with, escape from, or outsmart the heavily armed terrorists. they always pay with their lives

18
jumping a gap in an unfinished highway overpass? in a bus? make sure that Keanu Reeves is on board, and let Sandra Bullock drive. success will be assured

19
all teenagers in california like that awful college rock-pop garbage

20
if you're English you either speak like a posh aristocrat, or you have a proper Mockney accent