posted on Oct, 6 2015 @ 02:19 PM
I realize that some of you will find this difficult to swallow and will even become defensive about what I have suggested here, but I speak from the
heart and experience. Nothing about this is easy to accept or deal with when it is you doing the dealing; it all starts with a choice and that is
yours to make.
Allowing yourself to be addicted to anything is a choice. Claiming to be an addict is a cop-out. Having a built in excuse to continue addictive
behavior is how addictions are allowed to fester. Groups out there with 12 step programs designed to help you cope with addictions are crutches.
How can you stop being addicted to something? You have to make a decision to not allow whatever you are addicted to the power to control you. There
are many things we can be overindulgent with and each and every one of them are our choice.
They claim that many drugs are addictive. They are saying you have absolutely no control over your own choices. That is a cop-out. Plain and
simple, if it feels good we want to do it as often as we can. If it helps us to forget painful memories or if it alleviates stress, we will do it.
There are way to many people who have addictive behavior that use that as an excuse to get away with bad decisions. The real problem is not the
supposed addiction, but the lack of ability to cope with everyday problems and allowing ourselves to be consumed by traumatic circumstances.
Life is full of challenges to overcome. Being an addict is used as a coping mechanism and deviates attention from the real problem. Taking
responsibility for behavior patterns such as overeating, alcohol consumption, drug induction, sexual preferences or any other all encompassing manic
tendencies is a choice.
Some behaviors would be acceptable with a balance as long as those behaviors did not endanger the lives of others or yourself, but even the ones that
would not harm others, if they are addictive, they can be harmful to us. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and spiritually, any addictive
behavior can become self-destructive.
We have all heard the way court cases are manipulated by lawyers that come to the defense of their clients by infusing tactics designed to garner
sympathy from unsuspecting juries that their clients are not really responsible for their actions because they were abused as children.
I was abused and I have managed to not let that turn me into a deviate. How? Because I chose to not let my abuse control me. I chose to not use it
as an excuse for deplorable behavior. Just because I was forced to deal with unconscionable actions of another at my expense, does not give me carte
blanch to do that to others or to wallow in self pity to the point of self destructive tendencies with addictions to drugs or alcohol.
I realize not all humans are capable of making this self determination, but we as a society have made it easy for the pity party to continue by
pandering and enabling those with behavioral issues. The psychology profession has made it possible to continue these self destructive addictive
behaviors by giving all that have them the perfect excuses.
Insane thoughts happen to all of us and we decide what to do with them, not some addiction or past experience that was humiliating and gives us a
built in excuse. Recently there was a case where a woman killed a pedophile and she was applauded by many for her actions, me included. I admit I
felt a certain jealousy towards her for having the gumption to do something I have dreamed of; killing my abuser.
My reasons for doing so were not purely selfish either, I wished I could have prevented the person who abused me from inflicting their behavior on
others. I did what I could legally, but it was futile. I went to the jurisdiction they fled to and even had an opportunity to confront them and at
the time I made a decision, me, it was my choice, I did what I considered at the time to be the easy choice, I chickened out.
I was very hard on myself for this choice, I was despondent and overcome with guilt for having not ended that persons reign of terror on other
children, but what I did not do was fall into a self destructive frame of mind to the point where I allowed myself to be destroyed by addictions to
drugs or alcohol.
I made another choice, I decided that this person had already robbed me of my innocence and caused me a great deal of pain and that I was not willing
to give them any more power over my life. I went back home and looked for other ways I could attack the problem. I wrote a letter and addressed it
to the religious leaders of that area and I mailed a copy to over 1000 congregations alerting them to this persons behavior and how I was abused by
them. I implored them all to be vigilant, not just about my abuser but to all who exhibited unnecessary attention on the children in their
There were members of my congregation that had an idea something was not right, but they were hesitant to get involved for fear of repercussions and
not wanting to ruin someone’s reputation without hard proof or evidence. Did I ever become addicted to drugs or alcohol as a result of my abuse?
Yes, I did. Why?
For many years as a teenager and young adult, I was not aware that I had been actually abused, I never remembered the initial contact, only that I had
a relationship with this person. So, my behavior to me was because of something I did not something that was done to me. It took me many years to
realize what had happened and all the self destructive behavior was a result of me not understanding the ramifications of the impact my abuser had on
I guess what I really want to get across to those with addictions, is that using traumatic experiences as an excuse does absolutely nothing to help
overcome the trauma inflicted, it will only hide it and force it deeper. Because of the stigma attached by society with regard to certain abusive
behavior, I withdrew and refrained from confronting the issue when it happened. The abused are often blamed for the abusers actions because they
asked for it, they allowed it to happen or the abuser has a built in defense that they were abused and therefore it was a learned behavior.
We all have the ability to make choices and using our own abuse as an excuse to abuse others is unfair to those of us that managed to not carry on
those actions; I do not care if I was abused, it does not give me the right to abuse others, I have a choice and it begins with me.
Having addictions or addictive behavior is my choice, it is your choice, make a choice to not be addicted, make a choice to take control and
responsibility for your own actions and if there are consequences for those actions then accept them too and quit using cop-outs as an excuse to get
away with them.
You do not need a 12 step program to stop being addicted, you do not need a psychological examination with years of therapy and drugs to cope, what
you need is you and only you, to believe in yourself and allow yourself to deal with the pain and anger and hatred, in your own time and space, to
forgive yourself and take responsibility for your own behavior, recognize the difference between what was done to you and what you allowed to be done,
what you had control over and what you did not, find the strength within you to overcome. Let your higher power guide you, but take responsibility
for your own actions and inactions.