posted on Oct, 4 2015 @ 10:37 PM
Good Evening Officer, I trust that you are doing fine? Let me guess, one of those kids called you and your partner out here, yes?
Oh, you want me to drop the machete? Alright fine, I'd be glad to, now that my job is done.And yes, I suppose I can remove the mask as well, it's
just that I'm not used to being in a public place with bright lights on me. I'm sorry there officer, should have realized it would make me look more
Okay, fine, I'll tell you how it all began, so please drop your weapon! Or...Don't. Anyway, I suppose you heard of this lovely cabin that's
situated next to a lake. That place was in my family for about 7 generations, and recently, my family had to give up the cabin to someone else. Well,
I happened to be in the area, because there were signs posted about some crazed masked killer running around up by the cabins, and I figured it would
be a good time to go up and check to make sure this crazy guy wasn't up there bothering the new occupants.
Well, I got there almost in time to see the new crew moving into the place - 7 college kids, all apparently my age! I kind of hid in the bushes, as I
do get a little nervous in public (hence my mask). I think one of them saw me; I hurried into another part of the woods, because he seemed genuinely
distressed to see me there. I went back to my camp for a little bit, as I had a fresh deer that needing skinning and cooking. By the time I was all
done, it was already dark.
Officer, why are you going in there? That shack isn't part of my property! Okay, okay, I'll continue. Now sir, I know these here woods like the back
of my gloved hand, if there was a crazed killer on the loose, then I knew he would strike out at the only group that didn't know how to fend off an
attack. So, like any good-hearted person, I decided to stand watch outside of their house (seeing as it looked like none of them had any weapons or
experience of their own at fending off the attacks). I made the very bad mistake of peeking in one of the windows, I'm sure they all heard the porch
creak and saw my shadow at the window, because they all turned off the lights and drew the blinds. I suppose it wasn't the best idea to also stand
outside holding the machete as well, but I didn't have a sheath!
And that's where it went all downhill, I guess. As I was standing out there, I noticed that there was movement in the trees close to the house.
That's the Killer! I thought, and to my horror, I saw that all 7 kids bolted out of the door and in that direction! I'll admit I chased them,
officer, because these woods have other dangerous things such as wolves, bears, and the occasional mountain lion (in addition to crazy killers). My,
were they quick! Of course, I am big, disfigured, and can't really run while holding onto a machete, so of course I lost them. Stop looking at me
like I'm a killer!
Officer, I know you wanted me to act as a witness here, but I really don't know where they went. The blood on my blade? Weren't you listening? I
said I just got done working on a deer! Now see here officer, are the handcuffs really necessary? Wait, I am acting as a witness here, right? Hey,
wasn't that scream from your friend? I'll swea...Officer, seriously, turn around, I can see the killer - Run, run! I swear I'm not bluffing here!
Why are you laughing, he's...Um, hi there, I see you are holding my machete, could you maybe, uh, help me out of these cuffs? Hey, leave the officer
alone, he's knocked out alread....Well, okay then, I guess I'll mind my own business. Um, yes, hello dispatch, I seem to be in a bit of trouble, you
see, I am handcuffed in the back of a police car, and there's this crazy guy killing people. Yes, I'm aware it's Halloween, and no this is not a
prank! Can't you hear his laughing, and the blade scraping on the side of the car? help...Please?