posted on Oct, 5 2015 @ 02:39 AM
I have gone through such crises somewhere like every ten years or so. There are moments of transition, when you feel the need to relook at where you
are, where you are going, who you are.
Wish it was part of our culture to drop everything and go on walkabout when it's time. I actually find a way to do exactly that, now that I think
about it. I quit my job, or get sick, or go on vacation alone, to do soul searching.
In my case, each time, I need to re-evaluate. Often the question of living in France arises - I start to question again WTF I am doing here, if I want
to try harder to change who I am to adapt to the culture successfully, or have I reached the end of my capacity or willingness to change? Everything
gets questioned from there - my relationships, my work, my home.
I usually want to throw everything out the window and start a totally different life.
I'm kind of barely pulling out of one of those phases now - a few weeks ago, I told my husband I wanted to separate, so I could move out of this huge
isolated farmhouse which is stifling because of his hoarder tendencies. At least this time I didn't consider going back to the US, I've come to peace
with the fact that the rest of my life is here - I'm as much as an alien over there as here at this point.
I'm finding confidence again, and feeling like the new stage of life is going to reveal itself any moment and I'll be ready to get busy again. Because
each time I go through a transition, major changes happen and become the markers of that period of my life. I woke up yesterday night in a state of
confusion, wondering if I was really almost 48. I guess it just suddenly hit me that I got old and I never saw it coming! That changes what I can look
upon for the next stage.
If I were you, I'd try to keep in mind that this is a good thing, no matter what it feels like in the moment. Tell yourself it is a transition, and
really search your soul to find what is most essential to you and what is unecessary. What are you doing out of sense of duty, or for others, or for
reasons that have lost their value with time?
What gives you joy, what do you need, but have neglected out of fear?
These are esssential questions. Figure those out, and open your mind to more possibilities, then see if they present themselves as opportunities!
Before long you'll be waking up in a real mid life crisis, and the intensity of that might actually depend upon how well you benefitted from these