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Stuck in the Middle with You

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posted on Sep, 15 2015 @ 08:52 PM
This thread is to help me clear my mind as much as it is to hear your opinions. I have spoken to my closest friends about this as well as my better half and none can seem to make head nor tail of it.

My (immediate and extended on my mother's side) family used to be like the Brady Bunch. We lived on one side of the road in the suburbs and my maternal grandmother and grandfather lived in the house directly opposite us. My mam's sister and husband (my aunt and uncle) lived next door to my grandmother and grandfather with their kids - my cousins.

Mam and dad went looking at houses in another county one day and put a deposit down, came back and found my aunt and uncle had been looking at houses in that same development. So they put down a deposit on a plot there. We ended up in the same place without even knowing. My gran and grandad decided they would buy a house down there too. I'm telling you this to get an idea as to how much of a tight knit family we were.

Fast forward 14 years and everything has changed. My grandad died ten years ago. (I get it, people die). Things stayed the same with the family up until about three years ago. My mother had an argument with her brother (my uncle and godfather) over something to do with his daughter and havent spoken since. Then my mother began to say really nasty things about her sister and her husband. Petty things like 'Ann was always the favourite child' and so on. Then she stopped speaking to her sister Summer two years ago - flat out dropped her and her husband for no apparent reason. And then she did the same to her mother. My grandmother. These people did nothing to my mam and to this day do not know what has happened. I don't even know what happened.

Because of all of this I have found my relationship with my mother seriously strained to the point when we had a massive row over everything and to this day even though she apologised, things are not like they used to be. She and I were like sisters. Now she barely calls me. She's too busy and she'll 'call me later' but she never calls back. When I do get her on the phone she'll bitch about her mother and sister. The best response I can manager to any of that is "hmmm.." and then change the subject simply because I have had so many episodes with this woman's temper that I know to just shut my mouth. I have never heard someone speak with such venom about another human being.

Why do I keep in contact? I have two brothers. One is 22 and the other is 13. Sean (13) was born when I was 11 years old. He's still my little brother. And my other brother is having a pretty hard time right now. And funny enough my emotionally absent father has been the pillar through all of this trying to get mam to speak to the rest of the family again. But he suffers as much as the rest of us when we attempt to 'take sides' IE: attempt to talk about the other half of my family.

She has broken my family literally in two. I have my immediate family and my extended family. But funnily enough I have always been closer to the extended family. I spent my first night home from the hospital (and many others) after I was born with my gran and grandad because apparently she had PN depression.

I feel torn between them and its not fair. My extended family keep telling me that its not fair she puts me in the middle. I know its not, but she does. She's the only one that does. It's gotten so bad now that I'm almost numb to it.

I think she has dealt with depression all her life -living with it, sometimes consuming her. Coming from my own experience. The two of us are so similar its like arguing with a mirror. I know how I can be when im feeling depressed, but this is constant. I can be as vindictive and as malicious as she can and worse... Which terrifies me because I know what she's capable of in terms of manipulation/guilt tripping/slander/venemous words - simply because I know what I am capable of if that switch was to flip in me. This woman has created a carbon copy of herself in the sense that we can be both as cold and emotionless as possible when we need to be. I am most afraid of the fact that this has gone so far with her that there is no turning back. She has removed herself so far that if her mother died next week she would not go to the funeral just out of spite and to prove a point. I am also afraid that when I hit her age that I'm gonna be taken over by this madness. You may say that because I know what has happened with her I won't let it happen me but you don't know the person she was before all of this. She was the kindest, caring and helpful person you could ever hope to meet. This came out of nowhere.

I do apologise for the long winded post but please if any if you have a similar experience or know of anyone who has, please share. I don't know how to react anymore. Or even if I should react. Even what I've told you is not the full extent of what she's done, this is the edited version I suppose. I'm at a loss now and I cant help but feel guilty for feeling like my mam means nothing now because of all the s#^! She's pulled over the last 2-3 years.



posted on Sep, 15 2015 @ 10:42 PM
Well indeed, this is a sorry state of affairs. I wish I knew what to tell you. Do you think your Mam could be menopausal and having emotional instability because of that? (Whatever you do, don't ask her about this, or mention it in any way) but it comes to mind as a possibility. Consider it if she is age 50 or older. Since she has changed so much in the last two or three years, it may be she has developed symptoms of emotional, hormonal, or mental health issues.
She's not drinking or using drugs, is she?

The older we get and the more time passes, the more opportunities for things to happen; to be said and done, which cause friction between older relatives. I've seen it happen in my family too.

Obviously you are in a terribly spot. I'm thinking I would try to keep the peace with her, keep my relationship with her as best I could, and stay out of the conflict with the other relatives. I wouldn't challenge her or argue with her too much.
Just a lot of "I'm sorry you're upset, is there anything I can do," kind of stuff, and change the subject to lighter topics.

This is probably not helpful to you, but I wanted to say "hi" anyway, and wish you the best. And Good luck, Babe! It sounds like you need it.

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