Single after 7 years

a reply to: mikeone718
I'm very sorry for your pain. Don't let even the most well meaning friends tell you to just get over it yesterday....take your time to process feelings. You won't get over it any faster if you just stuff feelings. I'm kind of a stuffer myself, but I know that I have to honor my pain and suffering. Healing is really a natural process. But in the meantime do find stuff to do whether it's hiking or producing art, or taking classes, or volunteering for Hospice(it gives perspective and compassion) or whatever your soul relates to. Read Thomas Moore's book, "Care of The Soul".
Friends and family can be a wealth of support and comfort.
Trust your Inner Self.

Happened to me a few years ago after 30 years. Meditation, writing and archery helped sort things out. I was "homeless" for about a year, although I believe that moniker is mostly a state of mind. Here's an unfinished piece I wrote a few months ago:

Life has a way of turning around in an instant. One day you think you have everything figured out and all is running like the day it did before and the day before that. One day you wake up and all seems to be normal and then your wife of thirty years decides that she wants a divorce. No reason, just wants to live her own life. It can shake up the foundation you set for yourself. Of course you are not blameless in the failure of the relationship but had you been provided with some course as to why it was failing you might have been able to change or at least work on repairing the fractures that are now without recourse.
Leaving and starting a life without a significant other after so many years is quite a transition. Once you have accepted the dealt hand, depression starts to creep in and you feel as if life has no meaning. Long nights are spent wondering what could you have done to change the outcome or what you did to make the fateful day occur. The emotional wounds are deep and only time will heal. You are left with scars that sometimes come back reflecting on something the two of you did while together. Grocery shopping, a random smell, a song that reminds you of when the two of you were young and in love. It is easier now to overcome the feelings you had but they still stab the heart.
You decide that relationships now are not worthy of your time or energy and you begin to act as a monk delving deeper into self discovery and improving upon the broken soul you once were. Only then, when you have found yourself, will you be ready to enter into another relationship.
You do not know it but the universe is cooking up a special plan just for you. Another broken soul is just coming out of its cocoon and is preparing to meet yours. Random chance brings the two of you together. Someone you see on the steps into the library, a chance meet on-line, a friend introduces you to their friend who becomes the lover you never really had...

It sucks but you'll recover and should you decide to get into another relationship you'll know what works and what doesn't.

Congratulations, OP. Welcome to living!

You are worth more than being someone else's second choice.

a reply to: mikeone718

Hey brother, how are you holding up?

I know this is of no consolation, but I have been exactly where you are, infact I was homeless for a little while still working and paying child support, and the house, and her new Dodge Journey. While she ran off with another man, it kicks our ass I know it does.

I don't have a silver lining story yet, but it looks like it's coming together to become one,so I am hoping and waiting. I came to find out that the story's we tell ourselves come to fruition, that we usually are intuitive enough to see 25 moves ahead in a chess game just that we also put blinders on for Internal reasons.

So I changed my story, and the things I tell my self, Currently I am owning a company and doing well, it's a small LLC but seven months ago I was homeless and working for the someone else.

Crazy how things change and you go after opportunity you may not of before. Anyway it hasn't all got better, I'm still a wreck, I don't trust women, and while I try not to allow the actions of one woman dictate how I feel about all women, it's easier said then done.

So I usually wallow and turn down offers with other women. So it hasn't all got better, but it has improved. Life ebbs and flows brother,what's good today may be bad tomorrow, don't box yourself in, take opportunity grab life and run with it otherwise you could just become a statistic and your the only one who will have to live with that. # that #! That # is for the birds, change your story. Keep your head up.. If you need to talk I'm here U2U me.

a reply to: mikeone718

A song I just recently learned how to play love it on acoustic and singing it. This song holds a lot of meaning to me, I hope you get the same out of it,she's already expressed buyers remorse, so the grass is not greener my friend. Hope you get as much out of it as i do.. Probably the best band to have ever lived. Play it when you think of her, or play it for her.. Cheers brother

Been happily married for seventeen years. Five children. But we made the decision to marry based on religious reasons and with the intent of having children from the get-go. Any other reason to marry is insanity. Donot remarry because you think it will bring you happiness. Bad idea. You will not be happy.

Good luck.

I will probably be single my whole lifetime, Have been single my whole life and I'm 25. What is the problem? To each his or her own. If you don't want to be single then I'm sure you will find someone. I live with parents so I'm good but if they pass away before me then maybe I will not want to be single anymore.

Many years ago a much older friend gave me some great advice. "IF IT FLYS, FLOATS OR FUC_KS IT IS CHEAPER TO RENT! I only wish I had taken that advice. The good thing is that it is not too late for you.

Thank you all for the good words.
I moved out yesterday...and a new page is turned.

a reply to: TechniXcality

Hey man, been holding up better than expected actually. I've been trying to keep busy... I guess that's what's helped so far.

It's still a bad time however, when I have downtime...the thoughts creep in.

Good to hear that you pulled yourself out of that mess.

originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: mikeone718

Hey brother, how are you holding up?

I know this is of no consolation, but I have been exactly where you are, infact I was homeless for a little while still working and paying child support, and the house, and her new Dodge Journey. While she ran off with another man, it kicks our ass I know it does.

I don't have a silver lining story yet, but it looks like it's coming together to become one,so I am hoping and waiting. I came to find out that the story's we tell ourselves come to fruition, that we usually are intuitive enough to see 25 moves ahead in a chess game just that we also put blinders on for Internal reasons.

So I changed my story, and the things I tell my self, Currently I am owning a company and doing well, it's a small LLC but seven months ago I was homeless and working for the someone else.

Crazy how things change and you go after opportunity you may not of before. Anyway it hasn't all got better, I'm still a wreck, I don't trust women, and while I try not to allow the actions of one woman dictate how I feel about all women, it's easier said then done.

So I usually wallow and turn down offers with other women. So it hasn't all got better, but it has improved. Life ebbs and flows brother,what's good today may be bad tomorrow, don't box yourself in, take opportunity grab life and run with it otherwise you could just become a statistic and your the only one who will have to live with that. # that #! That # is for the birds, change your story. Keep your head up.. If you need to talk I'm here U2U me.

^^^This dude says some pretty wise stuff. Plus, he lives in Dallas so you know he has a rational mind.

a reply to: visitedbythem

The best advice you can get. ^ Just appreciate your memories and move on. Think of it as an opportunity and growing experience. Now, you can find someone new or focus on doing something for yourself. Good luck, man.

Best advice after a big break up/divorce?

Delete Facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.

Thanks again guys.

I actually didn't have Facebook, I just opened an account and have been reconnecting with friends. The gym yes, a new place and some new lady friends have made the moving on easier.

a reply to: mikeone718

Yep, the gym is a good one. It gives you someplace to go after work before gone home to an empty house. You may meet some new people there...I don't make friends at the gym as I'm in beast-tunnel-mode, but I probably could.

The more you work on yourself the better you'll feel about yourself and your world will begin to reflect that. Eat better, work out, pick up some new books (I highly recommend audio books when commuting to/from work the Audible app is pretty sweet). Get a new video game system, pick up a new hobby, join a bowling league.

Make your life about YOU and go ahead and be selfish. Get a new haircut, get a new outfit and a sick leather jacket like this one:



And some awesome shoes like these Air Jordans:



And some cool headphones like these AKG 701's:

a reply to: MystikMushroom

I do need another pair of Jordan's. We actually share the same name

originally posted by: NightFlight
First, man, be true to yourself and stay that way!

Stay sober, getting drunk doesn't help.

Best advice I've seen so far!

Stay off the booze!!!

For me it was twenty years down the pan, so I know where op is.
About two years after the witch left me, I arrived home one day and as I put my key in the door, I suddenly realized, THERE'S NO NIGHTMARE WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR!

That was the day I realized I was FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
If only I could have realized two years earlier!

a reply to: VoidHawk

I've had daily glasses of wine years before the shtf, I don't think I'll turn into seasick Freddie's thunderbird, but I'll keep the advice in mind.

This single thing isn't half as bad as I imagined it would be.

originally posted by: mikeone718
This single thing isn't half as bad as I imagined it would be.

It gets better as you go along

Freedom!