First Contact a short story

The United Alliance of Atheist Planets has called an emergency meeting of the Council of Nine. The ad hoc ruling body of the human species. Each time the Council of Nine is formed, new members are chosen through a random lottery. Every member of the human species is required by law to be registered for the lottery. While it is technically possible for someone to be on the Council twice. It has never happened, due to the massive amount of humans in the solar system. Once the members of the Council are chosen. They are teleported to a secure location chosen by the central AI of the capitol planet, Earth.

MentosFrezsh23 materializes in a small room. Like every other human of the 22nd century. She is part machine, part flesh, and always connected to the central AI. So she instantly knows where she is. Aboard a Darwin class starship at the edge of the solar system. Not liking the drab utilitarian look of the starship. MentosFrezsh23 uses her implanted augmented reality program to overlay an orange cat theme over everything in her local real-time reality space. With her aesthetics pleased. She follows the fat orange tabby cat, formerly a guide robot, to where the Council of Nine is meeting.

She follows the orange tabby cat into a large room with a long rectangular table. She sits in her designated seat. The room is quiet. No one is talking or looking at each other. In the 22nd century, it is considered bad manners to look at or speak out loud to another human. Both are considered forms of rape, and are punishable by death. Cute cat videos play on all the walls. MentosFrezsh23 keeps her vision focused on the videos as she enters the local chat room.

MentosFrezsh23: whats ^ bros & sis. any1 knO whats goin on.

11223344buns: 404

Alwayssmarder: yor gueS iz az gud az anyones.

11223344buns: 411+

MaryPrankses69: stA @ om mom makes millions a yr. frm om. Do U wnt 2 Lern how 2.

Alwayssmarder: Quit dat schet homie

Fronttail: evry1 knows yor a real boi & not a bot

SJWmitch: f he identifies az a bot. wot gives us d rght 2 sA dfrnt.

Frontail: My bad. yor rght. itz jst im suR DIS iz supa Cres.

11223344buns: 459 4e

MentosFrezsh23: so dat iz a n frm evry1. iz any1 not hEr yt.

Kittymeowgirlpinkhot: Nuttin on d net. Nuttin on TV. itz az f whats hapNn duz not exist.

Tinfoilhatmaninacave: d government iz out 2 git somTIN. d government iz alwys out 2 git somTIN. We shud hav aL our ppl protest.

11223344buns: 8t 88

mathissexy: letz aL stop d speculation. hz d education SYS failed us so much. R we slipping bak in2 d drk tImz. Of fear & panic Ovr imaginary gods & fear of d unknown. Apply d scientific method & calm down. Fear iz d mnd killa.

Before anyone can respond. The chat room is shut down. The Council of Nine all try to reconnect in a panic. No one knows what to do. But no one says a thing. Everyone just sits dumbfounded. A man walks into the room. A man with blue skin, the skin color of military clones. Military clones that have not been used in decades. Not since the end of the culture wars, of the twenty first century.

“Welcome aboard the USS Bill Maher. I am sure you are all in a panic. But do not worry. Everything is okay. This is just a very unique situation. At 0500 hours Earth time. An alien vessel of unknown origin parked itself right outside the boarder of our solar system. The vessel then started broadcasting a message in every know human language, past and present. A message saying they come in peace. When the message was intercepted, United Alliance of Atheist Planets protocol BurningBush was initiated. BurningBush is our protocol for first contact with a non human lifeform. A protocol designed so humanity never again falls prey to an outside entity, real or imagined.”

The last line gets a chuckle from MentosFrezsh23 and a few others. MentosFrezsh23 knows her history. She know that humanity did not advance and claim dominion of the solar system, until after they threw off the shackles of religion and the divisions its imaginary gods caused among mankind. In the 22nd century, religion is considered a form of hate speech. Who needs gods when you have computers.

“The Council of Nine, representing the interests of the public, and a military adviser representing the exploration fleet, will be the first to initiate dialogue with the alien species. The local chat room was shut down, in respect to our alien visitors. As we do not know if they are equipped to communicated in that way. It will be restarted once first contact is over. All rape laws pertaining to this situation are null and void until after first contact. Since this is moving so fast everything else you need to know will be downloaded into your brain, now.”

Information flows into the brains of the Council of Nine. They are up to date on protocol BurningBush and a diplomatic program has been download into their minds. They are all now trained emissaries of humanity for the duration of the protocol. Once the situation is over. They will go back to being how they were before they joined the Council of Nine.

“Since everyone is on the same page. Video contact with the aliens will be initiated.”

The cute cat videos on the wall in front of MentosFrezsh23 fade away and are replaced with the alien visitors. The aliens are not humanoid. The aliens look like a floating pile of boogers. Yellow, green, and slimy.With multiple eyes and mouths. The aliens are not wearing anything that humans can recognize as clothes. Before anyone can speak. The aliens initiate the conversation.

“Greetings hue manes. We come in peace. We only wish to spread our message of joy and happiness. We just want to ask you one simple question. Have you heard about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?”

Before everyone and their mother jumps down my throat. I do not necessarily believe in what I wrote. I just thought it would be funny.

a reply to: karmicecstasy

'Lost me at the stylized spelling.
I don't want my head to hurt from decoding.

a reply to: Aliensun

That is why I tried to keep that section as short as possible. Sorry I lost you there. But I wanted to have that section be authentic to how people text speak nowadays. I figured written language would continue to go in that direction. It was originally written in normal English. I had to use an English to Text speak translator, because I do not communicate in that way at all. So while I do get what your saying. I am happy with how it came out.

a reply to: karmicecstasy

I recognize the intent, a true author is one that pleases himself/herself first.
(Of course, that is why some many of us remain unpulished!)

This was just a little short story I had to get out of my system. I have been watching a lot of Star Trek The Next Generation and then I came across this thread last night, LINK. The two somewhat combined in my head while I slept. Dreams are weird that way.

I did not want to explore the overt satanist part. Because I did not want to compare satanists to atheists. But the parts about humans combining with AI in a trans-humanist way and colonizing the galaxy I latched on to. Then from there it went to what would happen if humanity became primarily atheist and then came across an alien race that had no contact with earth but knew about Jesus. The Federation of course became the United Alliance of Atheist Planets. The Order of the Nine Angels became the Council of Nine.

Not that anyone cares. That is just my thought process that led to this story. To tell the truth, I thought I would get no stars or flags. I figured religious people would get mad at the first sentence and give up reading. Then Atheists would get mad at the last sentence. But I just had to get the story out of my head so I can continue working on another story. I probably would of just locked it away on my hard drive, with the other stories I do not think are that good. But since it was partly inspired by an ATS thread. I thought I should post it here.