A Guide to Modern UFOlogy

or, Where are you, Jacques Vallee?

DEBUNKER: Posing as genuine skeptics, this lot is so over the top that if they saw a 12 foot reptoid come out of a UFO and punch them in the face, they'd swear it was a hallucination or a prank. Eye-witness reports are outright bunk, unless accompanied by pics/vids. Pics/vids are typically "too blurry". Often, they are "blurd", the one-two punch combo of bird + blurred, or blurloons, blurmp gas or blurtellites. If pics/vids are actually clear, then they are too good to be true (TGTBT), aka CGI, Photoshop or some other form of devilish hoaxery for fun and/or profit or Prophet Yaweh. Essentially, all pics/vids are also outright bunk. Debunkers very rarely do any kind of field work or investigation that involves physical movement. If you encounter a debunker, do not make eye contact. Do not engage in any way. Inform them that you're about to have an explosive bowel movement in order to courteously pry yourself out of the dreadful situation.

MUFON: An organization of mostly nutters (see entry below), dedicated to cataloging and investigating every single incident involving UFOs and aliens that they happen to believe in. For $200, your ten year old child could easily pass the qualification test without reading any of the materials provided or even knowing anything about MUFON or UFOlogy at all and become a real-life, certified MUFON field agent, just like X-Files! If you encounter a MUFON agent as a result of a reported experience, make sure to leave out important details from your experience such as: beings wearing wigs, big hats, sunglasses, yeti or bigfoot type creatures, poltergeist activity or ghosts. Do mention and elaborate upon grey-type beings, your missing fetus, hybrid breeding programs, propulsion systems, building materials, exo-biology and implants made out of common Earth materials. On second thought, if you encounter a MUFON agent, do not make eye contact. Do not engage in any way. Inform them that you're about to have an explosive bowel movement in order to courteously pry yourself out of the dreadful situation.

NUTTER, aka "nut & bolter": Believe that UFOs are ships piloted by beings from outer space. Nutters think that having a degree in physics and wearing suits and ties will earn them respect from academia. You'll pore over weighty tomes discussing propulsion systems, building materials, exo-biology and often times "ancient aliens". Apparently, Indians are too dumb to tell the difference between an elephant head and a gas mask. You may hear the term "disclosure". This often means they will believe information given to them from the very people they accuse of lying. Education does not imply intelligence. Data that does not fit into their theories are discarded. These ignored cases are typically the most important ones. At the very least, the nutter tends to be well dressed. If you encounter a nutter, do not make eye contact. Do not engage in any way. Inform them that you're about to have an explosive bowel movement in order to courteously pry yourself out of the dreadful situation.

SKEPTIC: A rare breed. The skeptic is the ideal UFOlogist and, in fact, a superior race of human. The skeptic has mastered every field of science, history, mythology and the occult. The skeptic only knows what it knows as irrefutable facts. The rest lies beyond the misty veils of mystery, which the skeptic enters into gleefully, without any preconceptions or expectations. Rejoice, if you happen to encounter one of these elusive beings! Hold your tongue and bask in the glory of the presence of such a noble truth seeker! Offerings of cash and/or precious gems/metals are not inappropriate.

WHITE-LIGHTERS: They have met the aliens. And they are all here to help us. Nothing bad ever happens. If it does, it's your fault. A terrifying abduction experience is simply a manifestation of your fear. When a white-lighter is invited onto the Pleiadian mothership, they receive a relaxing rainbow crystal enema cleanse reminding them that they were Nefertiti in a past life who was actually an ascended seventh dimensional light being in disguise. Many are followers of a channeled being known as Ashtar, who for several decades now has been warning us about the utter destruction of the Earth which is invariably averted by Ashtar himself by moving the Earth to an alternate universe or shooting the Sun with reverse tachyon beams. If you encounter a white-lighter, do not make eye contact. Do not engage in any way. Inform them that you're about to have an explosive bowel movement in order to courteously pry yourself out of the dreadful situation.

bonus entry:

TRUE-BELIEVER: They have never seen a UFO or encountered aliens, but every report they read, they know to be true. If you question the veracity of a report, you are automatically labeled a "debunker". They believe that all of the rocks on Mars and the Moon are the remains of ancient alien civilizations and/or currently occupied cities and/or actual living alien beings. Many true-believers also think that video compression artifacts are in fact faulty reptoid cloaking devices and that Lil' Wayne and Beyonce are high-ranking Illuminati reptoids who are related to George Bush, Aleister Crowley, Barack Obama and the Queen of England. If you encounter a true-believer, do not make eye contact. Do not engage in any way. Inform them that you are running late for a fetus-eating party with the Clintons at Bohemian Grove in order to courteously pry yourself out of the dreadful situation.

Wonderful

a reply to: ultimafule

The point with the UFO subject, no matter how you view who is what, is that it's real, still unexplained even after all these years and still not being properly addressed by those in government.

You forgot to categorize yourself by the way

Quite funny, you hit the nail on the head (at least with the debunkers)!

a reply to: Zcustosmorum

Agreed!

As for my own category - why I'm a skeptic, of course! PM me for a secure mailing address where you can send me cash and/or precious metals/gems.

a reply to: Zcustosmorum

The point with the UFO subject, no matter how you view who is what, is that it's real, still unexplained even after all these years and still not being properly addressed by those in government.

Well said, you're absolutely correct.
Although this thread is cute, it does a disservice to the truth by inferring all sides are equally incorrect.
Not the case.
Alien contact has been a reality for almost a century.
Time to grow up and wise up.

originally posted by: Scdfa
Time to grow up and wise up.

originally posted by: ultimafule
or, Where are you, Jacques Vallee?

DEBUNKER: .

Go work in McDonalds for a few days and earn enough to buy a dictionary. Look up the word 'bunk', then look up the word 'debunk'.

SKEPTIC:

Any one that's not a sceptic when it comes to outlandish claims is a fool.

White liars

Some people are desperate for attention. They'll say anything. Nothing they say is true though...

a reply to: MarsIsRed

Being only a skeptic is always a good idea, but being a debunker is more of a: don't bother them with any facts, their mind has long since been made up.

James McGaha was the worst of their kind back when Rendelsham Forest had the 1980 incident, and claimed without having ever spoken to the witnesses who included a Lt. Colonel, said that he knew they saw something, but what they saw wasn't actually what they thought they saw. He was saying they must have saw something and misidentified it when it had to have been a known and common thing. But he never bothered to ask further, since he knew for sure already..

So he knew better than any witnesses, that no witness seeing anything ever reported could be true, because nothing strange or unexplained can possibly be here.. He is certain and wants to share his magical insight with the world via baseless and zero IQ debunking tactics.

I think he was paid or secretly a part of the air force's office of special investigations and was just going around acting like a know it all and using his prior air force pilot credentials to lend credibility to his disinformation or counter intelligence orders, simply because I don't believe a former pilot or anyone having the same experience can be that stupid.. He was insulting other officers below his own rank who were still active duty, something perhaps only someone in counter intelligence would do.

It's a big universe out there. We live on a small planet, around a dim star, way out in a lonely arm of the Milkyway. I am not a believer or a sceptic. But I do hope I am a realist.
Perhaps faster then light travel or time travel exist? If so, perhaps we are visited from time to time. I do believe I will keep an open mind. Perhaps we all should?

originally posted by: NoCorruptionAllowed
a reply to: MarsIsRed

Being only a skeptic is always a good idea, but being a debunker is more of a: don't bother them with any facts, their mind has long since been made up.

You're totaly missing the point. Bunk is made up nonsense. To debunk is to expose that nonsense. It's based on fact!

I do get frustrated reading through alot of the threads here where people will say and or come up with any reason.. even if it is beyond rediculous given the evidence to exclude something not of this world as a possibility.

It's like arguing with a wall.

And when you DO argue with them.. if makes you come off like a gullible believe anything whacko tinfoil hate wearer because their stance is so extreme that you feel you have to match their nonsensical intensity to balance the argument even if you don't even believe what your saying to an extent..

Then they use that to discredit you.

It's a vicious cycle that you can't win.

I bet that one or a few videos posted here in the past is a legitimate craft and it was completely blasted and overlooked because it couldn't possibly be real or it had to be something else.. just because

a reply to: Scdfa

I never inferred that all sides are equally incorrect. The skeptic is always right!

Also, I'm a lifelong contactee or experiencer or whatever. I done been grown and wised.

originally posted by: MarsIsRed

originally posted by: ultimafule
or, Where are you, Jacques Vallee?

DEBUNKER: .

Go work in McDonalds for a few days and earn enough to buy a dictionary. Look up the word 'bunk', then look up the word 'debunk'.

SKEPTIC:

Any one that's not a sceptic when it comes to outlandish claims is a fool.

White liars

Some people are desperate for attention. They'll say anything. Nothing they say is true though...

This is intended to be a satirical reference guide in the vein of Ambrose Bierce's "A Devil's Dictionary". The entire point is to redefine words in a humorously acerbic fashion.

Also, when did I say "White liars"?

a reply to: MarsIsRed

Go work in McDonalds for a few days and earn enough to buy a dictionary. Look up the word 'bunk', then look up the word 'debunk'.

Nice try, but the word "debunker" is not defined literally, any more than most republicans are "conservative".

They're both words that have largely come to mean the opposite.

a reply to: ultimafule

I never inferred that all sides are equally incorrect. The skeptic is always right!

Actually, no.
Up to a point, yes. But we are years past that point. Skepticism in the face of a situation as dangerous as the alien presence is downright foolish.

a reply to: NoCorruptionAllowed

I think he was paid or secretly a part of the air force's office of special investigations and was just going around acting like a know it all and using his prior air force pilot credentials to lend credibility to his disinformation or counter intelligence orders

Great post as always, no corruption allowed.

I'm curious, do you think anyone like that could post here?

a reply to: MarsIsRed

You're totaly missing the point. Bunk is made up nonsense. To debunk is to expose that nonsense. It's based on fact!

Sure it is. And "engineer" only means someone who drives a locomotive, right?

Maybe that's what the word meant a long time ago, but a more accurate definition of debunker today would be, "a person grasping at straws to concoct an unworkable excuse to avoid a frightening reality."

a reply to: Lucidparadox

I bet that one or a few videos posted here in the past is a legitimate craft and it was completely blasted and overlooked because it couldn't possibly be real or it had to be something else.. just because

You're absolutely right, I've seen a few clips of genuine alien craft right on this forum. I said so and was quickly set upon by the bunkers, who tried to pretend it was just a bird. I have a hard time believing that people would work that hard at denying alien contact as a hobby.