I have places I return to in dreams, in which I remember the last adventures I had there, can remember how to navigate my way around, pulling on
memories of past dreams, and recognize characters from past dreams. It is like they are other worlds I frequent.
Not to long ago, I even had an experience in which I was beginning to wake up, and as I felt this life flooding back in to my consciousness, I began
fighting it, feeling like the other "dream" one was my "real" one... and I knew I was going to lose touch with it if I woke. But in that moment, I
felt that it wasn't waking up I was doing, but rather, falling asleep!
I had a recurring dream when I was little, about a big yellow house. There was nothing happening there, only my mother and I waiting for something out
side it, in front of it. I always wondered if I would see this house in real life.
Several weeks ago, I was dispatched to a temporary mission of replacing a secretary at a nursing home I had never been to.
The first day, as I arrived, I stopped my car in the middle of the street in front of it, with my jaw dropping- it was the house! It is an old
chateau, that had been added on to the sides to make a very modern establishment, but the main building remained visible in all its glory, exactly the
same as in my dream!
I had no idea what this meant. But in the weeks that followed, I found I integrated the place as if I belonged there- with all the staff and
residents, the relationships were naturally harmonious. It was weird- as I knew them all already, and we all had so much in common. The bonds were
instant. I fell in love with the people and the place.
When my mission came to an end, the heads of the staff had already requested to keep me permanently, but had been denied, because the group which
directs this (and other) establishments are trying to cut costs by keeping less personelle wherever they can.
But the rest of the staff, went into an uproar, and the association of the families of the residents made a petition and are entering a conflict with
higher management, to keep me. It seems everyone else fell in love with me as much as I did with them!
I have always had a problem with recreating situations of being an outcast- from the time I was little, this pattern has surrounded me. I am sure I
recreate it without being conscious of how. From my family on outward.
This si the first time in my life I feel truly loved and part of a larger group. The symbolism of my dream seems poignant now, for that place marks a
profound change in my experience here on earth, as far as my relationship with my environment and others..... which, psychologically, the mother is
the first representative of- all that is "not I" or "other".
My mom in real life never wanted or loved me,
But at this place, "other" and I came together. Like that is what we were waiting for outside the front steps.
In my more fantastical moments of thought, I consider that I might have come into contact with my soul family or something- these people feel like
"home" to me. I have never felt that to this extent before.
edit on 1-9-2015 by Bluesma because: (no reason given)