One Day Closer Until Christmas

Christmas has forever been my favorite holiday:

The thrill of expectation, the excitement of getting presents, the jittery anticipation of hoping that next gift contains exactly what you always wanted... all those things combine into a amazing event that arrives only once a year.

Thick snowfall and steaming mugs of hot chocolate and long strands of twinkling rainbow lights all combine towards making that end of year celebration a magical time of year. Sleighrides and sledding and snowball fights twine into a melange of merriment that always make it something special.

But honestly, truthfully, (and in confidence just between us) I don't know if I'll be celebrating Christmas anymore. I'll go through the motions, I'll do everything I can towards making the season bright and cheerful for others--but for myself? That whole show is forever spoiled.

Every corporeal Christmas has been ruined, because sometime ago I realized: the gift I really want won't ever be appearing.

So for me that season is ruined. Because to me that process brings nothing but pain.

Does that seem a little selfish? Perhaps a bit snotty and spoiled?

Do I sound like a whiny little kid throwing a tantrum?

Maybe--but withhold judgment until I explain.

Each year there'll be ribbon-twined presents wrapped under a tinsel-twined tree, and each year there'll be zero chance of getting what I really want.

So the whole show becomes a giant wash--because no amount of reindeer magic will ever deliver what I desperately desire.

Because--quite literally--the present I really want doesn't exist in this world.

I gift I desperately desire isn't incarnate in this plane.

Years ago I began having a recurring series of dreams. They took place in a variety of gorgeous locales, with the one commonality between them being the other person involved.

Besides myself there'd always be one other--she's golden-haired and azure-eyed and tiny and bright. She glitters like rainbows and sparkles like diamonds.

In short, she's breathtaking. And at random nights in random dreams we'd meet and have crazy fun.

We'd sit in a dream-restaurant and talk, we'd ski down the slopes of an impossible mountain, we'd meet in classroom and university settings seated beside each other whilst ignoring the lecturer.

But regardless the location and no matter the scene, we'd always bounce and sing and laugh and dance--and have an amazing time.

I've got this ritual before I go to bed. I ward my sleep using an Buddhist Qigong method I got from the book Qigong Empowerment. And as part of that process, each night I thank God and sages and saints and Buddhas and bodhisattvas--then I'd offer a few brief prayers for what I wanted.

And eventually I settling into a ritual, for those prayers I always ended in the same way:

I prayed to see more of that girl. I prayed she'd appear in my dreams.

Because somehow, some way, she felt intimately familiar.

At this point I should throw in some caveats: I'm not a social recluse. I'm not a hideous dude. I've had my share of girlfriends in the waking world, and I've never found myself at a desperate loss for female companionship.

Yet I always found myself praying for more of her.

Because there was something special about this girl in my dreams. There was a magnetic attraction between us that remained undeniable across time and space and dimensional spheres.

And at last it reached a tipping point.

Deep in meditation the brain shuts off and the spirit emerges from its biokinetically induced slumber. You enter a half-dreaming state of self-induced hypnosis that proves apt for recalling deep-seated memories and impressions.

And it was in the depths of meditation one day that I asked for something unusual.

While floating in that empty space of non-thought, years after those dreams began, for the first time I made an impulsive request.

I asked to see more of the girl.

And I found my wish granted.

Instantly into my mind streamed a constant array of pictures. Instantly through my thoughts flowed endless images of that girl.

And I instantly reacted in a way I never expected:

Tears started streaming from my closed eyes and I began sobbing hard. I broke off meditation then in my mind wept:

"I know her, I know her. Oh, God--I remember her! I want her back! I want her back!"

Her name is Rachel. She's my best friend and soulmate--and for forever she's been my wife.

But in this life she couldn't incarnate with me. My life design wouldn't have worked out with her present. It would've crashed and burned and fallen apart in a million places as we laughed and joked and ran off into the sunset together.

So in the spirit world she remained. And there she's awaiting my return.

And all this I discovered, because that one powerful encounter in the depths of meditation sent me on a long quest to learn more.

In the Peruvian Amazon there's a village called Llucayanacu on the shores of the Hullaga river. And there lurks a center operated by my friend, the shaman Orlando Chujandama.

To him I went on a mission seeking knowledge. I went on a journey searching for Rachel.

I flew countless miles and drove up landslide-covered mountain roads and canoed down the Amazon basin to reach his center. Because only there could I find her.

Only there could we really talk.

And there, in a nondescript hut called a Maloka, in a tiny poor village in the middle of nowhere, I drank a full cup of la medicina ayahuasca.

And in that tiny village I found my wife. She was waiting for me there, too.

She already knew I'd arrive. She knew I'd come searching for her, and she was ready.

Our spirits touched and our souls entwined, and I heard her voice inside my head.

"Is it love, Rachie?" I asked.

"It's love, baby!" she ecstatically replied.

"Forever love?"

"Eternal love!"

What more we said and what other feelings we expressed will forever remain private. But throughout it all I had a vision of her and I standing together in the clouds gazing towards a glorious sunrise. With my arm around her shoulders and hers around my waist we stood there looking blonde and beautiful and flawless and radiant--forever entwined in eternal love.

One day I'll be there again with her. But for now I'm here on assignment.

And that, my friends, is why Christmas is forever ruined--

Because she's all that I want, and I won't get her until this life is over.

She's waiting and waiting and waiting--and I'm here waiting longer, because there time doesn't exist.

There, to her, it'll be like a few seconds passed before I'm back from this life.

Here, to me, it'll be a painful eternity before I see my pretty princess again.

She's my tiny little angel. She's my perfect Rainbow Bright.

She's been my wife and best friend since before time began.

So for me there won't be any other girls. There won't be any more wasted efforts at corporeal romance.

There'll just be an endless eternity of knowing she's out there waiting--and a disappointing string of Christmases until that day arrives.

But towards each I'm looking forward in a strange sort of way. Because each brings me nearer the only gift I crave.

Each passing day brings me one day closer to my real Christmas.

Each passing moment shuttles me back nearer her arms.

Try not wanting anything. Every day seems like Christmas after that.

a reply to: Trachel

Ooooh that's beautiful. Thanks for sharing, i love immortal soul eternal love stories.
I'm waiting too, but i still hope my christmas will be during this lifetime.

LOVE

originally posted by: kenzohattori69
Try not wanting anything. Every day seems like Christmas after that.

Wise words that I wish I could follow. The material world has long not mattered to me in my quest called life. And the release of materialism is quite liberating indeed.

The love of a women is the one thing that I can't seem to let go of. I have had many relationships in my life but each long term relationship and both marriages ended in separation.

I do believe that letting go of the desire for a companion is best for those who can accept it. But for some of us we may find peace when alone but still find that something is missing from the equation.

The challenge for me is to be patient without dwelling on it. When I am in patient the days go by as Christmas like you say. But when I find the desire strong in me, lacking patients, the mind can drift into a more turbulent state.

I believe their are 2 true blessings in this matter.

To be born with the mind that finds no requirement to be in a relationship.

And for those who can't find peace in the blessing of being single, the blessing is finding someone who you share a lifelong spiritual compatibility with.

So I continue to be patient and pray that I will find that soul who will be spiritually compatible with me for life.

SnF to the OP for sharing a beautiful personal story.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Trachel

Ooooh that's beautiful. Thanks for sharing, i love immortal soul eternal love stories.
I'm waiting too, but i still hope my christmas will be during this lifetime.

LOVE

Thanks for reading!

I hope your christmas will come during this life, too!

a reply to: Isurrender73

Thanks, ISurrender! For a long time I couldn't find anyone spiritually compatible with me, either... then I learned it's because my baby girl isn't alive in this world.

Here's hoping your intended significant other is currently inhabiting this pretty garden world we're lucky enough to have.

Cheers!

That is a beautiful story, OP. I hope she is indeed waiting for you when you depart this earthly realm. However I was curious about one thing. In a previous thread about what makes you most happy, you said your wife was what makes you the happiest. Were you referring to Rachel? I was just wondering. www.abovetopsecret.com...

You got to spend some time with her. You are a vivid dreamer, like me. For now, you can only see her in dreams.

My entire sleep, every night, I am in a different world or time or dimension, I am not quite sure which. But, I visit the same places over and over. The one clue I have, as to an 'entrance' is driving over a bridge that is over not exactly water, but really bright foamy stuff and the other side of the bridge has some type of incredibly bright silver arch.

Where I go, I am usually in a touristy place, not in the US. There are food vendors on the street that I see over and over. There is a shopping mall I have been to over and over, there is a theater in it I have seen movies in. There is a house I live in, but I don;t know who the people are, it is a large family, the house has 3 floors.

I don't always remember it all, but I know there is someone there that is maybe a soulmate. About 3 days ago, while in the 'dreamworld' , he was in a bed next to me, sleeping and I knew I was 'leaving'. I was cognizant that it was time to return here and I had tears in my eyes. I woke up immediately knowing that seconds before I had been somewhere else and I still had tears in my eyes.

I don;t know who he is,exactly, but I sort of know how you feel.

a reply to: reldra

Thanks for sharing your own story, Reldra.

Good to know others are having these experiences too (although it doesn't make waiting any easier )

Cheers!!

originally posted by: EchoesInTime
That is a beautiful story, OP. I hope she is indeed waiting for you when you depart this earthly realm. However I was curious about one thing. In a previous thread about what makes you most happy, you said your wife was what makes you the happiest. Were you referring to Rachel? I was just wondering. www.abovetopsecret.com...

Exactly. Rachel makes me happiest.

Before she existed I was a complete wreck, when I'm not around her I'm not my normal laughy bouncy self.

She'll be waiting for me when my work here is done--guaranteed. This isn't the first time we've been apart in lives (when I incarnated and she didn't), but it will be the last.

After I'm done with this one, I'm never leaving my Rachie again.

a reply to: Trachel

To him I went on a mission seeking knowledge. I went on a journey searching for Rachel.

There may be another way other than medicina and meditation.
It is out there in the future.
How far , I do not know.
Maybe in our life time, or perhaps not.
My "teacher" has hinted as to it's coming.
But I was made aware of it only perhaps because I asked the right question ,or was seen doing something
that signalled it was time to for me to come to the knowledge of it.

You must ask the right questions.
Maybe your shaman knows more.
I suppose that you will have to ask the right questions .

a reply to: RavenSpeaks

Does it involve the use of technology?

If not, could pre modern humans do it?

I could grant you your wish you know.

If the etheric tide ever arrives I'll create a haemonculi body for you, for her. With emerald hair.. that can be changed later depending on preference.

But probably I'll save the emerald hair for someone special I fancy myself.

Why do I view your Rachel with emerald coloured hair in my mind's eye? Does she magnetize the green ray? Is she involved with the elemental kingdom?